3 Too Many

While Dad’s away we visit Nutty!

In support of the Masters team in Timaru

I know I said there a would be no blog but can’t help myself.

Played 3 games in freezing, pouring down conditions. Won 2 (3-1 & 5-0) lost the other 1(2-0).

Warm and dry now having chips, cheese, crackers & nuts. Nice to be in warm Room, I feel sorry for the others in there bunk rooms.  About to head off to town to get dinner and a drink.

Feeling really good apart from odd waves of nausea.

Till tomorrow have a great evening and day.

Kia Kaha

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” ― Mae West

Ouch, yuck, ow! What a start to the day after such a crappy painful sleep.  3 different pain killers and top ups in the night didn’t do anything really to stop the pains. Feeling sick too – really sick.  Get up and drag myself around the house.  Make a cup of tea but don’t really feel like one.  Go back to bed then and read emails and news.  Decide I had better get up and get ready to face the day as heading into the office today.

Dad comes over to pick the boys and me up.  He is looking after them today and dropping me at work.  Nice to be in the office – different surrounds, and of course the company there is great.  Nice to see you all ladies and gents.  Spend most of the morning trying not to throw up and fighting fatigue.  Managed to have a liquid breakfast and that’s all I can manage   Sue collects me about 1:15 and drops me home.  I give in to the fatigue and have a lay down before I fall down.  I feel really shattered – bloody chemo, bloody cancer, bloody, bloody!!  There vented – better now   My short term memory is getting appalling too.  Just about have to write things down so I don’t forget them.

Just to let you all know that there won’t be a blog tomorrow night as I’ll be at the Masters Games in Timaru playing footy and partying.  In other words I’ll be having fun, hurting and probably drunk.   So you will have to wait until Sunday for a double dose of the blog – Sorry.  I will be taking all my best drugs and hoping like hell that I feel better than today.  Regardless it will take a lot to stop me playing.  You may think I’m mad or crazy wanting to play footy still when I can barely move sometimes.  Well maybe I am crazy, but it was one of the 3 things the Docs took off me in March along with driving and drinking.  I still am not allowed to drive though only 5 months till I can ask to be allowed to again, as long as I haven’t seizured.  I can drink when not on or before chemo, and well I can still run around a soccer pitch so stuff what they say I love playing footy and will make sure that I can get as much in as I physically am able too.  And also it is the Masters – those that have been to a Masters games will understand (what goes on tour, stays on tour)

Quiet arvo, still feel sick after a nap so take one of my chemo anti-nausea to try to settle things down.  Bloody pain is back too.  Not having a good day all up I guess you could say.  The anti-nausea durgs work, and I start to feel a lot better.  The pain stays still though.  Get on and pack my bag for the games.  Leaving about 7am tomorrow as the first game is at 9:30.  We have 5 games of 2x30min halves over the 2 days – that’s 5 hours of footy – sweet!!  Dad drops the lads off about 4pm.  They had a great time and totally enjoyed themselves.   Jacob helps to adjust the generator belt on Bessie (the VW Beetle).  He does a great job.  I just fairly much tell him what to do and he does it all himself, while Sue and Lachie walk up and get Chinese for dinner.

Quiet evening.  Jenny and Greg come over to visit and have dinner, a drink and a chat.  The boys swap bedrooms with each other, so keep themselves busy doing that most of the evening.  Do the blog, still feel crappy and lousy and hurting.  Need to get to bed as I really need some rest, but have to wait to take the chemo at different times.  It really is the only time that time seems to slow right down.  Hit the sack and read for a wee bit, before nodding off.  Another day done and dusted.  Nothing exciting to report – sorry.  Take care and have a fantastic fun weekend all.  Catch ya on Sunday.

Kia Kaha.

“Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.” – Christopher Reeve

 Usual start – early and painful, so won’t bore you with the intricacy of it all – but the usual aches and pains and then drugs.  Plan to get into the gym but don’t as pain killers slow to work, so get ready to face the day instead.  Very nauseous today too.  Don’t have any breakfast, even the liquid one, as the mere thought of anything has me nearly reaching.  Log in to work, and do a bit while reaching and fighting off fatigue.  So want to just lay down.

Lachlan had a mate – Josh stay last night, and they finally appear about 9:30.  They keep out of my way and keep themselves entertained.  Josh leaves just as Jacob arrives home about 1pm.  The fatigue is starting to win the battle I eventually give in and have a lay down for a bit.  Don’t manage to fall asleep though even when laying on the box sit in the sun.  Sue gets home and we all head in to the hospital to visit Nevil.  Then head home via the chemist to pick up more of my pain killers.

Have a relaxing evening sitting outside in the sun, and playing with the boys on the tramp.  Have a bit of a laugh and play fighting before I start to break down  I have a sit down for a bit.  Then the nausea gets really bad again.  Still haven’t really eaten yet either.  Jacob cooks a BBQ for tea.  Not liking the smell of the food cooking.  Going to try to have a liquid meal for dinner.

Fridge and Nutty come over for a visit.  Good to see you both.  Do the blog then and watch TV – Mrs Browns Boys & Embarassing Bodies.  Wow that poor wee girl.  Seeing the bone marrow getting extracted brought back bad memories for me from when I had bone marrow samples taken from my sternum when I almost died in Kenya from internal bleeding.  It hurt – they give you a local then use a drill type needle to crack/tap into the sternum.  It took 4 people to hold me down while they took it.  Hence why I am still paranoid (19 years later)  about been hit in the chest. 

Do my Chemo routine and off to bed.  Absolutely stuffed from doing nothing.  It has been a very quiet day really so it is a short ramble – sorry.  Hope all have managed to have a good day.

Kia Kaha.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Joh – well done on surviving and enjoying 2 years in Skippy land.  Long as you don’t pick up the twang So you’ll become a Kaussie (Kiwi Aussie) soon?  Time has flown by.

Very early start today as the Aussie visitors are leaving this morning and need to be at the airport at 5:30am.  Get up to say good byes, take pain killers, and then head back to bed as head is pounding and body aching all over.  Nice to know that the Chemo is at work in a way.  Wake then about 7 and decide more pain killers are needed.  Go back to bed then and get up then about 9am.  Head is still in a bad state and it is hurting just to move around.  Head for the next level pain killers.  They take their time working   Starting to feel sick now too – bloody hell in for one of these crappy days.  Aches and pains, etc all ease up so I go and do 15mins on the spin bike.  Feel much better for doing some exercise.  Get ready then to face the day.

Login to work – sorry it was late today, but I am there now   Dad then comes over for a visit and to show off his latest purchases from the auctions.  Stop cringing Joh!  Get on with some more work.  The boys then nag me about it been lunch time, so Lachlan gets me one of my liquid drinks and the lads get their own meals.  Lachlan then heads off to Josh’s house for a visit.  Jacob arranges to go to Brad’s for the night.  I plan to stay home   Quiet arvo then fighting fatigue and loading up on pain killers as body and head hurting constantly, and trying to do work.

Had a call from my Speech Therapist today (they also look after your eating/chewing/swallowing, etc) to check up on how I am going with thinsg, and how my new fandangled liquid food is going as my Dietitian had been in touch with her.  They have an obession, it seems, that I can’t swallow as my mouth is sore.  I explained several times that there is no pain in my mouth or throat and that my notes need to be changed to say that.  After repeating that several times she finally got the idea.  Hopefully it is now duly noted.  It is amazing how many different people now have my health as their concern – I have my Doctor, my Chemist, Chemo Doctor, Radiation Doctor, Dietican, Speech Therapist, Neurosurgeon, and Neurologist.  Thank goodness I don’t have to pay for all of them!!

 Have found myself emotionally flip flopping today.  Feel good and happy for a bit, then suddenly feel low and flat.  Felt really flat and depressed just after lunch time with no logical reason for it.  I hate it when I have days like this.  It seems that everything is happening to test your resolve.  There is nothing that I’m aware of that is making me feel up and down.  Maybe it is just because I’m hurting then not then hurting again, and the same with the nausea good and bad.  It really is a great way to live and can recommend it to all – NOT!!  I recieved my liquid meals yesterday – Vanilla, Banana, Chocolate and Caramel – so I can choose what to have for each meal so to speak.  But today the real medication arrived – a dozen mixed wines and a bottle of Knob Creek bourbon.  Real medicene.

Quiet evening.  Not up to eating dinner as sitting here reaching, meaning I have not eaten any food today.  The liquid is even not sitting very well.  No wonder early on when I piled on the kilos they were telling me not to worry.  It’s because the further into treatment you go the more you loose. I was thinking of going to footy tonight for a run around but I’m already hurting to much and think better of it.  I’ll save myself for the Masters this weekend instead.  Hope you’ve all survived hump day and are now ready for the down hill run into the weekend.  Take care and  “You all come back real soon, ya hear.”

Kia Kaha.

“Cancer is a word, not a sentence.” – John Diamond

“Don’t deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict.” – Norman Cousins

Very restless, painful sleep.  Yep it’s Chemo time again!  Up at 7am today as I have the day off work and we are meant to be going to Hanmer for the day.  Go downstairs and get my morning meds as I need to be able to move to be able to do things.  Then get ready to the day.  Feeling very ill today It seems that the Chemo is working quicker than last time.  Thankfully the pain killers work a treat fairly quickly and I am mobile more than just being reduced to a shuffle.  Have a liquid food drink for breakfast and get my stuff ready to take.  Then I get hit with a huge wave of nausea to the point of trying not to vomit.  Manage to hold everything down and go and lay down, and promptly fall asleep. 

Wake about 45 mins later and find the dog laying next to the bed.  She never does that, so it sort of worried me a bit.  Decide that I’m not going to Hanmer with the way that I am feeling.  Sue and Jacob also stay home with me in case I take a down turn and need to head to hospital.  Craig, Kelly, Lachlan and Charleigh head off.  Starting to hurt again too, so more pain killers.  Sue and Jacob get busy doing house work while I shuffle around in random circles trying to stay out of their way.  I manage to eat a small food lunch, then Jacob heads off to Ice Skating with Kate and Janelle and their friends. I sit down and do some tinkering on the blog home pages – so will notice the new blue theme and the images of the mask are now in the right order and formatted correctly.  Still some work to do on it to get it just right.  Hope you all like it though.  Is there anything else that I could do for it?   Sue and I go for a walk around the block as we need some fresh air and to talk about things.  We cover 5kms and I have the wobbles a bit when I get home, but recover quickly.   Tum is feeling queasy again – ahh.  I’ll be right though – sure of it.

Wow – 14 more days (well nights) of Chemo to go all up.  And in 60 days time the Chemo will be all over.  Still in an unsure way as to how I feel about it.  As on one hand I am wanting to stop putting myself through hell every month and try to enjoy something of a normal life – well whatever the best I can make of it.  On the other hand I’m not sure if I want to end the treatment as it is like a life line been cut.  A bit of a dilemma really.  Same result either way.  I also wonder if they will plan any other treatment for me.  There is only so much Chemo and Radiation that they will and can give you.  But in reality I guess I have to face the fact that it does have to stop one day, and that I can’t take Chemo for ever either.  It is just a slap with the reality hand of life, that days are passing by and time is ticking.  And I need to respect what is left of life and start trying to make more of it.

The travellers return from their trip to Hanmer all tired and happy.  Nevil and Rose come over for dinner with us I even manage to have a small dinner and a small desert.  I have a quiet evening clock watching for when to take my meds, typing the blog (struggling today)  and just watching TV and chatting.  Head to bed for hopefully some sleep tonight.  Electric blanket is on 3 to toast my pain away for a bit.  Hope everyone has had a good day/arvo/evening.  Be good, and take care.

Kia Kaha.

“It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.” – Unknown

Very early start today 4:50am as heading into The Press early as the email system for NZ users has been migrated to Google, so a busy day ahead.  Turn off the alarms before they sqawk the house down.  Get ready for work then.  Feeling really good today.  A wee bit sore but nothing compared to the past few weeks pain.  Even have some breakfast and a whole cup of tea with my meds. Jono lets me know that he is on his way to get me so I head off to meet him.

Get into work about 7am and get ready to face the day.  A few people are in already but nothing for me to deal with.  Steve Wright then arrives and Spencer (one of my IT coleauges from FFX Aussie).  They are here to help with any user issues too.  Go down to man the Google Bar (non alcoholic one bugger it) with Spencer and Jono.  This is where users that need their mobile devices setup will come.  Busy time with lots of people arriving.  Get the hang of configuring the devices (documentation was wrong) and there are different phone types/models to deal with – iPhoney’s and Fantastic Androids

Take a break to have lunch – actually manage to eat something) then do a few more phone setups.  Go down for the Global Corporate Challenge awards – (GCC is a 16 week program where by you entered teams into and the idea was that you track your daily walking steps on a pedometer then enter them on a website – there were 24 teams from The Press alone entered and it is a Global Challenge so you’re pitted against teams from around the world).  I received a special Inspirational Award for my contirbution – nice.  My average was 8287 steps (goal was 10,000 per day) and my best day was 29,652 steps – this was during Radiation/Chemo treatment and when I was at times in my worst patches of my journey, so I’m happy with it.

Head off then at 3:30 as I have a 4pm appointment with the Chemo Doctor.  Appointment goes well.  They were concerned slightly about my White blood cell count, but decided it was good enough for me to be able to do the Chemo.  I only have 3 more rounds to go including this one, meaning I will finish then about mid December.  From there they will assess whats happened, happening, and where to from that point.  This is because as they said today, they are learning what treatment is working, how I am coping, etc. as they haven’t had to deal with my type of Cancer before.  But they are encouraged by how I am going and how I am handling the Chemo, etc.  In away I’m relieved to hear that I’m over half way now, but also worried as to what happens next.  Once I finish I am not really sure as to what will happen apart from have another scan to check the mofo’s.  I guess we will discuss this more when the time comes too, as I would like a more regular scan thean the standard 6 month ones as the big tumour grew in probably about that time – so you can understand my want.  They are very agressive and fast growing tumours.  Leave with my notepad of scripts for the chemist.  Starting to get sore now – body and head pain (probably due to the long day so far).  Get my scripts swapped for my parcel of pills!  The chemist even has a laugh about it.

Get home and gather up the boys and Craig, Kelly and Charliegh as we are meeting Nevil and Rose at The Speights Ale House for an early dinner.  Dinner was very nice (well I think it was as taste starting to pack in now).  And I managed to eat a fair amount and before 7:30pm.  I can’t eat anything after 7:30 when I am doing my Chemo.  Head home then about 8:30pm as the boys and Charleigh are tired.  Get them all ready and into bed. 

Take the first drugs at 9:30pm then do the blog while waiting until 10:30 to take the CHemo pills themselves.  Will then wait until about 11pm to take the pain killers.  Milo and then to a warm bed.  Hope all have behaved themselves today and had a great Monday –  don’t stress if you hate them as the next one is still six days away   Take care all.

Kia Kaha.

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” – Herm Albright

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” – Groucho Marx

Sore, sore, sore – what’s not sore or hurting!  Yep, paying the price for yesterdays exercise.  Even my little fingers are aching.  Oh well one thing to do – pain killers!  Dose up with them.  Have a cuppa tea brought to me in bed as I’m reading my book.  Jacob is in bed too looking at footy gear online on the laptop.  At least he is awake at a reasonable hour and out of bed today.  Eventually get up and get ready to face the lovely sunny day.  The nausea is back again too along with the terrible taste in my mouth, so have a liquid breakfast.

In the book I’m reading there is a piece that is very apt for anyone that is fighting for anything in their life.  It refers to the movie Rocky and the fact that he didn’t care if he won the fight that ends the move.  He just didn’t want to get knocked out.  That was his goal.  How this is applicable is that it is not how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit, but still keep moving forward.  I guess that tomorrow night I get to be Rocky for the week and take on my fight against the mofo’s.  In other words another Chemo round coming up, and it will take it’s toll on me, but I will keep going and give it my best.  I am also determined to give my best because I have a reward to myself at the end of this round – Masters football.  I have 2 days (7 x 50 minute games) next weekend in which to behave like a headless chicken again and just give myself hell – fun hell – for the weekend.  Oh and there is the chance to party up a bit and have fun socialising   Why would I do it?  Because I can I want too, and it is footy after all!  I also can shut out the pain of the moment when focusing on things I enjoy.  I may not be able to walk properly on Monday but at least I can say I had fun.  Sucker for punishment really I guess.

Have a really quiet day, just doing some chores around the house.  And watch some of Bathurst – bloody Holden’s!!  Sue puts dinner on (Roast Lamb) as we are having Nevil and Rose and Jenny and Greg over for tea too.  I head to bed for a nap as hurting like hell for a quick nap.  2 hours later I get up with my head and body hurting more and feeling sick.  The smell of the lamb cooking is vial   Have a liquid dinner as I just can’t face food.  Pain killers sort of working.  I do the dishes as sitting down is uncomfortable, and standing is helping.

Good night relaxing and doing blog, and relax.  Do M&D time then head to bed as have a very early start at work tomorrow because I am helping Jono on the Google Desk at work – Fairfax have migrated to GMail as the new corporate email system this weekend and there are a lot of devices that need to be reconfigured, and people needing help to find their way around it properly.  Trust everyone has indulged in a wonderful day and are refreshed ready to face the new week.  Take care of yourself then of others. 

Kia Kaha.

“When all this is over, all that will matter is how we treated each other.” – Unknown

First up in the house again – nothing new – apart from it is 815am a house full of people and it is silent.  A late night again last night.  I headed to bed about 12:30 I think and the others kept going until about 1:30am.  Go downstairs and take my meds and make a cup of tea.  Quite sore today so going to have to manage my pain meds today.  Go back to bed to keep warm and read the News for the day on my tablet.  Get up and get ready to face the day.  Have a friendly game of footy today against the Halswell 45’s team heading to Timaru (South Island Masters) next weekend.  So force myself to eat some breakfast.

Quiet morning just hanging round the house, ‘Not doing much’ to use a real male term   Sue drops Jacob and I down to Halswell for the game.  We help take down the last set of posts on one of the fields then get ready for the game.  The weather has gone from sunny to hail and thunder to sunny again.  Bloody well can’t make up it’s mind.

Have a good run around, and actually feel good physically.  Manage to last most of the game.  Jacob kits up and comes on to play too.  He does really well and has a fun time.  Quite tiring in the sun as there is some heat in it.  I have a collision with Dave Whithers, well actually his elbow against my ribs.  Bloody well hurt too.  There’s not much flesh covering a 67 year olds elbow   Sorry Dave had to be cheeky.

Head over to the Old Vicarage to have a drink and a chat.  Then Jacob and I go to the bakery to get him something to eat, before starting to walk home.  Nice having a walk with Jacob as it gives you time to have a good chat and some laughs.  People must have thought we were mad walking along laughing away.  Get about half way when Craig goes past and turns around and comes back to pick us up.  Very kind of him, and good timing as it looks like it is about to thunder down again.  Thanks Craig.  Get home before the others, as they have gone Red Zone viewing today.

Everyone home and we have a quite evening.  I’m really hurting tonight – maybe did over do it a bit.  Oh well it was fun and I needed to test myself for next weekend.  Watch Eragon on tv – good movie.  Rattle out the blog and have a Milo while watching more tv.  I think I’m mentally ready to do my Chemo this round now.  I needed the footy as a blow out and de-stresser but also a test for my fitness.  Do M&D time then head to bed – with the electric blanket on to ease the pain.  Trust that all have had a great day and kept warm.  Have a great Sunday too.  Till then, keep safe, take care and enjoy yourselves.  But most importantly take moment to stop and admire and take in the world around you, cause it is awesome really!

Kia Kaha.

“I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.” – Dalai Lama

A late night with Craig, Kelly and Charleigh arriving from Aussie last night.  It is great to see them and managed to stay up until about 1:30 chatting before I tired out.  Even the boys out lasted me.  Had a restless sleep, then rudely awoken at 4:45 by a 3.7 quake about 5kms away.  Get up then and take some pain relief then go back to bed about 5:30.  My alarm then goes off at 6:30 – guess that’s enough wakings for one night so I get up and get on with my day.  Everyone else is sound asleep still.

I hit the road for work – walking, seen as such a mild refreshing sunny morning.  Stop by the Vampires (blood test) on the way, and get talking to my friendly phlebotomist.  She was talking about my cancer and when she finds out that it is terminal, she then changes tack a bit.  She had a 42yr old lady in on Tuesday that had just come from the hospital, where she had gone into as she had bad stomach pain and thought that she needed some anti-acid as she thought she might have a stomach ulcer.  It turns out that she has advanced liver cancer and was told that she has 1-2 months to live, and they won’t give her any treatment, just pain killers.  She has 2 young children – 7 & 5 (I think).  And I thought that my diagnosis was bad.  Nothing like this.  So anyway back to the story, the phlebotomist was asking about how she could help this lady, and what advice I could give to her about dealing with the shock of it, and how do you tell people, especially children and parents. It seemed like a bit of a surreal position to be talking about advising how to inform people that your countdown timer has been started and moved forward a number of years.  On further talking it turns out that the 2 women know each other, hence the interest in it.  So we chatted on about things for about 10mins, and I explained the blog as been a good outlet and information source for people to be able to quickly catch up on how I’m going (which I really hope it is).  But that a blog for her might not be the best thing.  But then said about writing letters to the children and anyone else she feels she should, or making a video for them each.  And talk to the Cancer Society about dealing with it too – as soon as possible.  As there is not a one method or way of coping fits all.  But the biggest thing was to put aside the doctors prognosis and start the battle against the sickness – do give in easily.  I understand how for some people this is not their nature or what they would do, but when you have 2 young kids – that should be enough to make the focus for wanting to fight.  Hope this all makes sense.  I hope that I made enough suggestions for her to be able to take at least one useful thing from it.

I then continue on my walk to work.  It is warming up nicely now.  Get into the office about 9am, and get settled in for the morning i.e. go and see Maddie (our in house Baristar) and get a coffee   Quiet morning, and have a few laughs with the guys before we all head to Himalayas a local Indian resturant for a farewell lunch for Karen Slee (our token honary IT person).  Scotty calls as we are walking out the door – I’ll call you back later Scott. Very nice – definitely recommend them – lunch.  Head back to work, but are fading so Karen drops me home.  Thanks Karen.

Get home to a house full of busyness (is there such a word?) Dad is here dropping off some West Coast Whitebait (yuck). Manage to have some quiet time to myself, then log in to work to see whats going on.  We then head off about 5:30 to Supa Karts as Craig and the boys want to have a race.  Have a 10 min race which was quite tiring really but a load of fun.  OK that’s my driving limit now – Go Karts!

Head home then and Jenny comes over to see Craig, Kelly & Charleigh, and have a catch up too.  Roh, Andy and the girls come over to for Friday F&C’s and Wines and a catch up of course.

Busy social evening – all very tiring really.  M&D time and then bed and sleep – ahh sleep my old friend, don’t desert me tonight, please!  Hope all have had a good week, and a fab Friday (did I just say fab – OMG).  Till tomorrow. Take care, be safe and have fun.

Kia Kaha.