3 Too Many

“The most sacred place dwells within our heart, where dreams are born and secrets sleep, a mystical refuge of darkness and light, fear and conquest, adventure and discovery, challenge and transformation. Our heart speaks for our soul every moment while we are alive. Listen… as the whispering beat repeats: be…gin, be…gin, be…gin. It’s really that simple. Just begin… again.” – Royce Addington

New drugs – interesting.  Take them and about an hour before bed as suggested and start to mellow out and feel good, in a good way.  I feel even and can start to think straight.  Wow, like these to start with.  Get to 1am and still feeling mellow and level – so ah, hhmm – where is the sleep?  They are sleeping tablets after all.  Or once again I have converted the drugs into waking me up not shutting me down – it does happen and more often than you think.  Manage to finally close eyes about 1:30 ish after having an hour long battle over pain, etc.  The dreams and behaviour that then ensued afterI did start to rest was nothing short of bizarre.  I walked in the Dark Places last night with several people, including some whom aren’t dead.

Now normally I would not be even contimplating taking you here with me, but just to show that it is not all bad and evil and what may be percevied whe I mention it.  This may all seem wild, hippy, drug induced rambling but please think about it for a bit.  I was in the company of my mother-in-law (whom has passed) , an Auntie (that has passed), but also a couple of people including one called Asher (whom where very much alive).  Now there are soem folk going – whack pot.  But I felt at the most peace inside that I have in a while.  As I seem to have lost real touch of my mental tracking or reasoning ability, it is a sarene feeling to be like this.  I have realised that I have walked to many paths throwing matches at all the bridges that I can burn then stand there asking myself why.  I need these bridges to even the little friendships left and are finding it hurts more when you are left to watch it burn out of misunderstanding or spite.  Either way,  please tolerate me, whatever me it is you come across.  If yo can’t then, thank you for been my friend and sharing in part of my life with me.  I hope that you have a totally enjoyable life and wish the best for you.  See you on the dark side sometimes.  It is not a bad place at all.  Full marks to the family for standing  up to my night roaming going on last night – I don’t know how manay times that I woke and got out of bed went for a walk for no reason, or went looking for the hot drinks I had made in the correct  puzzle order they had to be done, at 4 this morning.  I knew there was nothing there, but my brain didn’t.

Get ready for the day.  I am staying put at the home offie today for safety and sanity. It takes about 20 mins to write an email saying I’m not going in the office today as I keep falling asleep. at random.  Jacob still thinks it is hulerious – bloody toad. Still couldn’t be in  better company really.  I’m blaming it on the 6 vials of blood they sucked out of me yesterday foir testing.  You would think for all the literage that I have given them in the past 9 months that they would have enough by now – teasing   Morning is a mix of sleep, unconciousnous, wake, wander aimlessly, then start again.  Jacob and I head off to Barrington to get some stuff for lunch.  A pleasnt stroll, as can’t move to quickly.  Sue goes to her back specialist appointment, then gets home and we head off to see Tony K as it is his 50th today – Happy Birthday Tony.  The party started at 12:12pm on 12/12/12 This is the last time ever that humans will see the date as a polandratic format.  Enjoy the special moment as it will be gone in a second.

Head home not to late (even can’t handle a social environment as the seizure napping impacts to much)  That is what kills me the most – I just can’t plan or do anything – it really, really rips my nighty so to speak!!!!  Hope the day has been productiove and positive for you.  If you find yourself in the dark places come to my haven and walk for a while – it will be nice.  Be good, be good at it.  Take care and till tomorrow – see ya.

Kia Kaha.