3 Too Many

“The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.” – Unknown

3 am and all feels sick! Yep the Chemo is at work yet again. Waking wanting to hurl everywhere, but manage to restrain myself.It takes a while too calm down too. And I get back to sleep reasonably quickly. Wake again then at 7 with Jacob stroking my head and asking if I’m ok as I was upset in my sleep. Caring lad that boy. In for another day of pain I think as hurting massively as usual but it is even more intense this time. Get up and make a coffee and take my needs to see if I can restore some movement to my body. Back to bed then to let the needs work their magic, and read the news. Get up and get ready to face the day.

Sit in the sun reading for a bit – just lovely. Then head off. Fairly quiet day, just managing the body and pain levels. Really have turned into a sad existence relying on meds to get me through each day and keep me alive. Not feeling quite as fatigued as yesterday thank goodness as I would struggle with another day like that.It was embarrassing nearly dropping off to sleep in my dinner!

Thanks to everyone whom has passed on their positive energy to me. You’re all so kind and sharing. And thanks for sharing your experience of listening to an inspirational speaker. It sounds like they were excellent to listen to. Not sure if I could ever be of that sort of person, as I’m just a man trying to fight a vicious disease that wants to take away the one thing we all guard to the end – life. And while I am armed with the most modern medicine helping me, I have the most primitive of instincts – survival, as the main weapon. If I was too be honest about it I would say that there is not a lot to do in fighting it but maybe it is because of the support that I have that makes it so much easier, or just that I from the start said that I will continue to be normal as long as possible. But then on reflection it hasn’t been easy as there have been a lot of changes along the way.It is that they have not always happened at once but more that they have happened often in small chunks. One day I hope my boys read this blog and my ramblings and can go right so thats what happened that day or that’s why Dad couldn’t do that now. But I also hope that someone else facing cancer can take some points to and make them benefit their fight.our some one about to take on the fight against brain tumors may go well if he could fight them so well then so can I – that will be the most satisfying thing that I could really think would make me happy. That someone deciding to take on the fight instead of giving in, just from read my rambles. If that’s you and your reading this, then please seriously consider fighting. While even in my case it is a no win situation, the decision to fight was never in doubt. Probably because it is instinctive with me, but because I couldn’t bear giving in and then be able to look people in the eye say Good Bye and know that I’m not prepared to fight to have some more precious time with them. If not for you then do it for others. Show you have Mana and courage. Pain can be managed, and you always have the right to stop treatment if it does get hard. In fact people will respect you more for trying then stopping rather than if you don’t start. And if you’re a friend, parent, relative of a person fighting cancer and they call a halt to treatment, please do not judge them or disrespect their decision especially if you only want them to continue to satisfy a want of yours.

Talking of treatment, last dose of Chemo for this round is gone! A23 day break now then I start the final 5 days. Have a busy day and do lots, so totally exhausted by tea time. Head out to a friend for dinner. Not feeling very good pain wise, and the nausea is building by the hour. By the time it comes to eat food is off the menu. Get home and start the Chemo routine and do the blog.Can’t stomach anything but water, but manage to keep the Chemo down. Avoid Milo tonight so it’s W&D time today. Really hope that everyone’s had day as brilliant as the weather. Those going to the 150 th party for the Southland Times in Invercargill, I really hope you have a fantastically brilliant time. Sorry I’m not there, but are in spirit. Take care and enjoy the weekend.

Kia Kaha.