3 Too Many

“Cancer is a word, not a sentence.” – John Diamond

“Don’t deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict.” – Norman Cousins

Very restless, painful sleep.  Yep it’s Chemo time again!  Up at 7am today as I have the day off work and we are meant to be going to Hanmer for the day.  Go downstairs and get my morning meds as I need to be able to move to be able to do things.  Then get ready to the day.  Feeling very ill today It seems that the Chemo is working quicker than last time.  Thankfully the pain killers work a treat fairly quickly and I am mobile more than just being reduced to a shuffle.  Have a liquid food drink for breakfast and get my stuff ready to take.  Then I get hit with a huge wave of nausea to the point of trying not to vomit.  Manage to hold everything down and go and lay down, and promptly fall asleep. 

Wake about 45 mins later and find the dog laying next to the bed.  She never does that, so it sort of worried me a bit.  Decide that I’m not going to Hanmer with the way that I am feeling.  Sue and Jacob also stay home with me in case I take a down turn and need to head to hospital.  Craig, Kelly, Lachlan and Charleigh head off.  Starting to hurt again too, so more pain killers.  Sue and Jacob get busy doing house work while I shuffle around in random circles trying to stay out of their way.  I manage to eat a small food lunch, then Jacob heads off to Ice Skating with Kate and Janelle and their friends. I sit down and do some tinkering on the blog home pages – so will notice the new blue theme and the images of the mask are now in the right order and formatted correctly.  Still some work to do on it to get it just right.  Hope you all like it though.  Is there anything else that I could do for it?   Sue and I go for a walk around the block as we need some fresh air and to talk about things.  We cover 5kms and I have the wobbles a bit when I get home, but recover quickly.   Tum is feeling queasy again – ahh.  I’ll be right though – sure of it.

Wow – 14 more days (well nights) of Chemo to go all up.  And in 60 days time the Chemo will be all over.  Still in an unsure way as to how I feel about it.  As on one hand I am wanting to stop putting myself through hell every month and try to enjoy something of a normal life – well whatever the best I can make of it.  On the other hand I’m not sure if I want to end the treatment as it is like a life line been cut.  A bit of a dilemma really.  Same result either way.  I also wonder if they will plan any other treatment for me.  There is only so much Chemo and Radiation that they will and can give you.  But in reality I guess I have to face the fact that it does have to stop one day, and that I can’t take Chemo for ever either.  It is just a slap with the reality hand of life, that days are passing by and time is ticking.  And I need to respect what is left of life and start trying to make more of it.

The travellers return from their trip to Hanmer all tired and happy.  Nevil and Rose come over for dinner with us I even manage to have a small dinner and a small desert.  I have a quiet evening clock watching for when to take my meds, typing the blog (struggling today)  and just watching TV and chatting.  Head to bed for hopefully some sleep tonight.  Electric blanket is on 3 to toast my pain away for a bit.  Hope everyone has had a good day/arvo/evening.  Be good, and take care.

Kia Kaha.