3 Too Many

“If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things that I keep to myself!!” – Unknown

“I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let’s face it, friends make life a lot more fun.“ – Charles Swindoll

Bloody sick of these crazy feelings, sleepless nights and just out right worn out. By the end of the week I am ruined and had enough of feeling lousy, and everything. It doesn’t make the weekend anything to look forward to as it generally continues or you have sleep to catch up on. Struggle through the night until thankfully the alarm goes off for time to get up. Head down stairs for breakfast and meds. Not really in the mood to stomach either as nausea is not good. Bloody back pain has been the highlight of the evening. And my head is feeling like it is getting slowly squashed from the inside and more and more pressure is getting applied making it hurt more. Making worse is  I can only take 3 of the pain killers for my back in 24 hours and I have already taken 2 by 6:30 am meaning I have 1 left to taken before 3:30am tomorrow. Going to have to tough it out a bit! Slow getting ready for the day, but manage it and hit the road. Very slow stroll into the office, then faced with both lifts out so have to trudge 5 stories up the building, and are already struggling to move. I will not take that third pill!!! Make it to my desk – what a bloody struggle! Go get a coffee and sit down to recover at my desk. Taking longer to regain my breath and energy these day’s.

I got a call from the hospital Radiology department today wanting to make another appointment for another MRI. They said that the one I had was the wrong type so they need to redo it the correct way this time. So booked for next Tuesday again. 2 hours in the scanner this time – yipee! I’ll get a good sleep in. What a waste of money doing the wrong scan the last time, especially when I even queried it with them the last time. Oh well long as they do it right this time, and I get the answers I need about my head and back.

Have a not to bad a day at work, then head off about 1 pm. Get home and into more pain relief. Then head off to a meeting at 3 pm. All goes brilliantly. Try to watch the Rugby while doing the blog see we were out for dinner as it is out 16 anniversary today. Head too Joyful restaurant with the boys in Riccarton. Have a good feed and fun time with the lads. Good idea eating with chopsticks as no need to involve Wilson so no cutlery. Head home then for Milo s and to watch the Rugby. Manage to sort of watch the Rugby game and have a cold Milo for M&D time. Lose the Rugby bugger it. Do M&D time with the cold Milo then finish the blog.  Take my last  back pain meds then head for bed before the pain meds kick in and do their party trick of putting me to instant sleep. Thank you to everyone that has  emailed or text today- sorry I haven’t gotten back to you all, it’s been a busy sore wee day. So how has everyone else’s day gone? Hope it has been a good one with fun and laughter. Have a great weekend do lots, make heaps of memories as they are the most precious asset you’ll ever own. Take care all, I’m thinking of you all – honestly I do think about all of you. Take care.

Kia Kaha.

“It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry W. Longfellow

Quick blog today as not been feeling to well, and worked from home. Probably not to well because of meds and lack of sleep. Had a terrible sleep even by my standards bloody tired, sore and incredibly restless. So wake feeling lousy and not able to do a hell off a lot. Sign in to work to say I’m working from home today. Sue and the boys head off to school and work. I mope around the house for the next several hours until Sue gets home. Then work has a meltdown so I jump in to see if I can help out. Beats laying around feeling lousy as. Boys get home then and do home work. Sarah and Jayden stop by for a coffee and catch up.

Dad then calls and have a catch up with him. The work problem is sorted and I go and sit down as about to fall down I feel. Dose of for a couple of hours and get woken in time for tea. Have a very yummy dinner. Fridge and Nutty then drop in for a coffee and catch up. Good to see you guys. They head off and I hit the blog. Watch Mrs Brown while doing the blog. M&D time then bed as I’m starting to ache allover again bugger it! Hope all have had a great day and are feeling on top of the world. Take care all. Till the morrow.

Kia Kaha.

“Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.” – Anon.

Yep typical sleep. Kept waking every hour almost. Bloody back hurting. Ended up crashed out on the lazy boy for a bit and caught a few zzz’s there. Woke again then took meds and headed for bed. Managed to get some half decent sleep then started waking every hour on the hour, which was a bit odd. Finally wake for the day at 6:20 am. Feeling bloody shattered already and haven’t even started the day.

Head down to get breakfast-meds and tea. Wilson is still playing up something terribly and only managed to get a small over heating today not a straight hot water scalding (or tea as it was yesterday). This happens as I can’t feel the temperature in my hand, similar to the having no sense of touch that enables your fine motor skills. Get ready for the day. Manage to tie my shoe laces in a record time, this has been a difficult thing with the way Wilson is. Boys hit the road on their bikes today. we hit the road to the office. Traffic is quiet today so get to the office early. Have a good day, and the day goes reasonably quickly. Get collected at 1 pm and head home. Absolutely shattered, which is silly given that I have done little energetically today.

The Nurse Maude OT comes by to check on me and Wilson. I have won the battle against him once before and see bloody determined to win it again. She has a couple of tips of thinks to do too win him back. Cook dinner then sit down to do the blog. Hard work tonight as battling against fatigue. Also have a bizarre experience with  Wilson. I lost all contact sensation with him. And he was a dead weight, in that I couldn’t move my arm voluntarily. He had to be lifted around the place. Work on getting some sensation back. Manage to finish the blog obviously, and then sleep. Hope your been great and fun and not to tiring. Till tomorrow folks, I’ve got to get some sleep. Take care all. Some have asked about MRI Results, those that need to know the in depth results are getting told, still, but we are waiting on clarification from the Doctors about what the scan showed.  Please understand and respect my decision to hold of telling people.

Kia Kaha.

 “Never say more than is necessary.” – Richard Brinsley Sheridan

Spent the best part of the night sleeping on the lazy boy down stairs as the bloody back packed in. I must have started snoring loudly as the dog was looking at me in horror when I woke. Makes a change as she snores loudly herself.  Not sure what woke me anyway but get up and head back to bed for the last couple of hours rest. Wake then at 6:20 and up and into the day. Bloody Wilson is in fine form still and giving me hell. Difficult to do anything with a year-old arm. I can’t hold soap in the shower, hold a cup or cutlery, as I have no fine motor skills and no feeling in the ends of my fingers. At least the spasms have stopped for now. Manage to eat some breakfast then get ready to face the day.

All pile into the car and hit the road as dropping boys at school today. Then head to the office. Not feeling brilliant but doing ok. Start walking in to the office and the face starts to spasm. Try to hide it as I walk past a woman as it would look like I’m sneering at her. The spasm subsides quickly thankfully and I get into the office. Nice to be back in the office. Have a quiet day then head of about 1pm. Arrive home in agony as my back is that sore. Have a rest and try to get mobile again. Nurse Maude calls to check in on me, all good. Then the wood delivery man arrives with 4 cubic metres of firewood. Sue collects the boys and we all set to work stacking away the wood in the shed. Have a right little production line going. It doesn’t help my back any but get the job done.  Head inside and cook dinner. Sit down then and do the blog. Hope it makes sense. Hope you’ve all had a good day. Take care.

Kia Kaha.

“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.” – Helen Rowland

Bloody interesting night’s sleep last night. Typical restless behavior and up a couple of times but it was the last awakening that caused concern for me. As you would know Wilson aka the random left hand and arm has been causing all sorts of issues of late, loss of sensation in fingers, can’t grip things properly, not working correctly. And basically I have not been feeling right mentally our physically for a few weeks, and this has been continuing for a while now.  Well the waking last night was nothing out of the norm, woke a couple of times as normal. And went back to bed as normal. On the last waking about 3:50I got up as normal and had my usual Honey Puffs and Milo. Then was doing some reading and dozed off -again, nothing different here. Next thing I’m woken by Wilson flying – yep that’s right bloody flying around totally out of control in a severe spasm seizure like behavior. Then my left side of my face started too. I could not control the left arm our face and only just managed to txt Sue for help as I couldn’t even really talk. Sue thankfully hears her phone and is quickly to my rescue with a spray of my magic mist. It works wonders and the spam stops fairly quickly. Take some more meds and head for bed.

Wake about 6:20 feeling s bit better but trying to understand what happened a couple of hours earlier as it seems surreal. Everyone up and gets ready for the day. Decide to work from home given what happened, . And also we have EQC coming over this morning. And I have a physio appointment early this arvo. Sue works from home so she canto watch over me as probably not safe to be on my own, given I have just had another spasm episode! Pile into the car as dropping the boys at school today, then head back home. Get ready for the day and login to work. Have a good day. The EQC meeting goes well.  Have another minor spasm episode  . Bloody arm is completely useless as i can’t do Damn thing with it! Do a bit more work then head off to get some lunch. Then head to the physio. At least some good news there. I have my last appointment with her, as the bone repair has done its thing very quickly and I can move it easily without little pain. So just some exercises to keep doing for a couple of weeks and all should be fine and dandy. Pick up the boys on the way home -then home to keep working. Aubrey stops by, great work on the garden over the weekend, thanks Aubrey. Have a coffee and a catch up. Jacob makes ones of his special desserts as a surprise for Sue.

Have dinner and then start on the blog. No point trying to type as hit more wrong keys than the right ones, so used my tablet and the wonderful Swype app that means I can “type” one fingered -bloody brilliant! Hoping for a better tonight and an end to these body spasms so I can head to work tomorrow. Hope everyone has had a good day and not had any dramas to deal with. If so then hope they pass quickly. Take care all.

Kia Kaha.

 “You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.” – Unknown

 “I’m smiling. This should scare you.” – Unknown 

Well I may be in a different location but it doesn’t mean the waking don’t stop or change. Usual pattern of pain, restlessness, and just general mental state is not in a good way. Still managed to get the blog done, and spend time with myself to think about, well shit.  Stroll had a half decent rest, and woke at 9am. Everyone else up and having breakfast. Quite odd really as usually I’m up first and waiting on others.  Have breakfast, . Meds and tea, then get ready to face the day.

2nd Anniversary of the Canterbury killer quake @12:51pm NZDT

Another screwed up sleep but not to bad really as I managed to get back to sleep fairly quickly. But it was the back again up to its tricks, so on the pain meds then to dull the pain, and get me to sleep.  Wake at 6:10 and head down stairs to make tea and take meds, have breakfast. Then go and wake the rest of the house dwellers up. Get ready to face the day. Boys hit the road on their bikes. Sue and I head off to work.

Another interesting stroll into the office, as lots of tourists out today, given the significance of the day not really surprised. Hard to believe in a way that it is 2 years since that quake! Watching the building start training down outside, the Cathedral Spire fracture and collapse, Bailey’s hotel exterior crack open like an egg. And the noise of the ground running, buildings breaking and dyeing – such an awful cacophony of sound. The fight or flight desire getting tested. Just knowing to that at that moment in time people were dying across the city. Then the dust. You could not see beyond the broken windows as the air was heavy with a pink hue – brick dust, slaughtered buildings that mother nature had put to the ultimate cruel test of resilience.

Get into the office and hurting a lot in my back so take it easy for the first 15 or so mins. Not a to bad a day with work, With a couple of easy jobs coming in so I get on with them. Bernard, Jono and I head around to RE:Start for lunch. Jono gets his own food and heads back to the office. Bernard and I get bacon and eggs at Hummingbird Cafe. We finish just in time for the memorial and 2 minutes silence. Head of then for the office as Zaire will be part soon to collect me as I have a2 pm appointment with the Nurse Maude Doctor and District Nurse. Get a message from Sue that she has already headed home (unknown reason at this stage), so Bernard kindly drops me off home.

Find out why Sue came home early. David a work colleague of Sues from Invercargill, whom was diagnosed a couple of months before me, and in a way has be a bit off a survival mentor for me (he taught me the message of I will define this cancer, not this cancer will define me), etc. David passed away on Thursday night Friday morning. In our fragile world at the moment this was/is a huge blow so Sue has taken it quite hard. In fact it has also shaken me a bit as earlier in the week David had been getting on with ordinary life. Then gone. Nurse Maude arrive and the meeting goes very well. Guess what? I’ve got some more meds to try -no surprises there. These ones should help my back pain a lot more. Finish the meeting and the Doctor drops the scripts off for us to save a job and ensure that I’ll have the meds asap. Fantastic service.

The boys arrive home and get ready to go. We’re heading up to Renwick this weekend for a bit of Doctor ordered R&R (honestly it is ordered and in fact written down that I/we must do it. Pack the car up and dog then head off to collect the scripts. Aim to be on the road by 4- manage to be out the door about 4:30 in time for rush hour. Traffic turns out to be not to bad. Good trip up. Stop in Kaikoura for some dinner, then continue on our way. Get to Blenheim about 8:45 and stop by the restaurant that Nevil & Rose and friends are having dinner at to let them know we here. Have a glass of wine with them then head off. Unpack the car, kids and dog not necessarily in that order! Then sit down for a chat, etc. And promptly fall asleep! Wake then and head for last lot of meds for the day, then bed. Sleep until about 2:45 and wake with back aching, take pain meds and finish the blog off – I’d been writing it in the car on the trip.

So there you have an emotional day on several levels. I really hope that your day was/is less emotionally draining than mine, and full of productivity in terms of work or social events. Have a fantastic weekend everyone. Please keep the contact going as every little bit helps boost flagging morel some days. The txt or emails are always welcome, just sorry about the slow reply some days. Take care, enjoy, unwind and relax.

Kia Kaha.

“The art of living lies not in eliminating but in growing with troubles.” — Bernard M. Baruch

Another day down. Do I say thank goodness or do I say bugger another one has gotten away on me? Well I was awake for not quite an hour overnight and managed to do yesterday’s blog in that time. Sorry it was late but I was that shattered I just couldn’t do it. Bloody back added in a couple of wakings too. Wake at 5:50am. And head down for breakfast, meds, and tea. Bloody Wilson is giving me grief today already too – nothing major yet just dropping things like teaspoons and meds.