3 Too Many

Well it seems that the greedy little space sucking extras don’t like to think all night when they have no sleeping tablets or pain killers to feed on – just boring old anti-siezure drugs that make you go doozy   It is either this or the fact that I was just so completely utterly emotionally & physically drained from the day that I had no chance of anything but sleep!

Still didn’t meant that I wasn’t going to wake early 5:40ish and consider the gym – there done considered  – consider it is officially rest day (you need to have them every couple and do another activity – I usually get on the spin bike for 20 mins – no weights).  Lay and contemplate why I have to make adjustments in my life and others have to in theirs for these things. I did not ask to be called a cancer patient or sufferer – I’m not suffering really – I am fighting – so I am therefore a cancer battler. This led me to think about the fact that I am now just 11 sleeps from starting the real assisted fight for my life – with the 2 biggest tumor whipping bad boys that they can give me – Radiation & chemotherapy. The trouble is these guys don’t play nicely with people or each other. Therefore I must make sure that the battleground I can give them is able to take it and the mind it ready to respond to their fallout as well as the tumors resistant willingness to haul ass backwards!  It is amazing how much time all this thinking takes up as get up at 6:30 still slightly on maybe gym it now thought. Glad I didn’t as while time is moving the body seems to be in slow mode and next thing it is 7:45am – rush, rush – rush. 8:15 – must get to work!!!

Dad is driving me to work today – it is good actually as we have a great open conversation about the treatment coming up and how I am feeling about it, juts so he knows how I am going – Fatherly thing.  Then he tells me that if the Chemo, etc is all getting to hard and if I  need fulltime care he will retire and stay home for me – felt really soppy about that as it is not something so far that I had even considered.  So it helps to know how far ahead some people are in their working through this.  He also gives me the Edmonds determined fighting speech – so good to know somethings don’t change.  Attitude is everything!  And damn bloody right it is!

Off to the CBD again today – more work to do ready to get The Press relocated once the fences move back more.  Go and find lunch at the famous bacon caravan that the tradeworkers have in the square (there is nothing else in the city food wise) and get a ringside seat to watch the spire demo while they cook lunch. Not everyone’s idea of lunchtime relaxation but – was odd to see.

Lunchtime viewing while waiting for Bacon roll to be cooked!

Off to hospital to pick up the Chemo drug script and plan – hells bells – really!!!!  That many for how bloody long!!!  Oh and sneaky they put the blood note not at the back with the must be done every Friday highlighted – vamping pain seeking lot – hate bloods getting taken.  But I will say that I am ecstatic about the fact that I am not getting my Chemo via IV line – there is a god!!!

decide that as it i sunny and I didn’t have to wait long I’ll walk to the Chemist to get the urgent drugs I need and blow poor Peter (the Pharmacists head with the Chemo list – yes I know the name of the Chemist – it is always important to know the names of those that help you). Reaction was bout what I expected – ahh – i can’t get you these for a few days – really – you sh!tting me – why not don’t you expect people “like me” to walk in everyday looking for 450+ high-priced Chemo drugs? – No I wasn’t a smartass – I was just thinking how cool it would be to lay that on a smartass Chemist! – No a bad one eh?  He duly tells me the standard 10mins so I go to see my other friends in the neighborhood – no not Couplands Bakery!  The Physio – it’s about helping people today folks not food (though I did pass 7 Dairies, 2 petrol stations, 1 food court & 1 Supermarket in my 4 km walk home – all with ut stopping once – & even sadder that my steroids stomach memory remembered that all) – Karen and her team spent several months repairing my crook left  elbow – thanks to Masters footy.  Explain to her how Wilson’s mates may have been working against us  when we were sure that we were making progress something would go wrong – thank her for at least getting Wilson mark 1 under control and some of the learnings from that have managed to get Wilson mark 2 to just been the W on the left now.

Back to chemist and get queried about the amount of Steroids I’m taking – jealous or what small guy – don’t diss my droids intake, haven’t you seen how much food my stomach has passed – i is likely to attack and consume you!  Actually seriously this is a good thing as they are doing their job in monitoring /backing up what the Doctors are prescribing.  I explain the situation – 3 mofo tumors that are about to get their asses fried and nuked and if I need droids to ease a little brain swelling then i will eat them!  He’s happy.

Finally get home – I need a rest!  Can’t EQC turn up about smelly drains to see if a valid reason and eventually leave saying they’ll push Fletcher’s as they can’t see what’s wrong.

Lachlan heads to footy practice so I’m under care of Jacob. I just starting to relax an d trying to gain some well gone energy then Jacob asks if we can go to the domain to kick a ball for a bit of unwind time as he has been busy doing homework.  I really must rest but in a moment realise that in a couple of weeks the request will probably no be able to be fulfilled. I can do it.  We ped about 45mins there kicking and having a great time until I meet the wall – someone – told me that I will know this when you hit it!  I couldn’t move another muscle and stood balanced like a Womble on the footy pitch with Jacob yelling Dad – you OK.  Manage to assure him I am.  Suck it up and decide to keep going a bit then tell Jacob have to go. On way home we talk about what happened and what could happen once treatment starts.

Cook dinner then decide that talking about my slowing down a dtretament side effects with the boys and ho it all impacts them could be a good thing.  After dinner I get my oncology folders (i never knew that each treatment gave you your own folder about all you need to know bout the ways they ar either going to Nuke you (Blue folder) or poison you (Ree Folder).  We cover off everything that ould happen, even how boys have to be careful of bringing friends over with sniffles. We tell them where the folders live and they can read them anytime as there are lots in there.  Got to keep it open and honest – no place for secrets in what I’m / we’re all going through.

I am now do shattered beyond redemption that M&D time has come and gone so I had better sleep! Sorry it’s a late one folks. Just can’t seem to keep up with the day today. 

Kia Kaha

With great sadness this morning we learned that Sue’s 102 year old Nana – Daisy Jane Paterson (1909-2012) – passed over.  May she rest in peace on this marked day in history. 

Daisy 7 Feb 2012 with Abigail, Jacob & Lachlan.

Needless to say – todays ramble will be short, as whilst Daisy’s passing is not  unexpected we are still dealing with this in our way.  Sue is holding up well with the support of her family & us boys.

Seems the tumors have super powers and can even ward off the effects of sleeping tablets – brain on super hyper mode again – anyone got some quantum physics they need solved at the moment as that would be a doodle! Seriously I am thinking about everything, and anything – even that I must check the car tyres for their rotation. Jacob’s maths problems from the other day too – did I give him the correct method of working them out ahh too late now! 

Woke fully at 5:30am again – but stayed in bed until about 7:30am – I know I should have gone to Dawn Parade – forgive me this time – as we usually do go.  About to head down to gym to pay my dues then we get the news about Daisy.  Take time to reflect, say a prayer & share a tear and memories about this remarkable woman. 

Head down to the gym about 9am til 10:15 – come away with wobbly legs – great work out clear head and stuffed   Reckon it is a great way to start any day.  And a good way to work off the wayward steroids input from the night before.  I’m seriously thinking of locking the pantry myself.

Have a novelty moment then later this morning as my Dad & Mum turned up to visit at the same time – hasn’t happened in about 30 years! Then Dad sees the real funny moment of it when he makes Mum a cup of his coffee (he keeps a stash of his fluffy Cappa instant stuff here – that Mum likes too – an says to her well this is odd isn’ it – I wouldn’t have thought I’d be making you a coffee again like old times – oh well guess you had to be here.  Both are in very good spirits which is making this easier for me to deal with things. Mum also said that she spoke to my Aunty that we thought had bronchitis – it turns out that’s what the hospital had initially thought i was but it was nothing that serious. Talk about relieved!  I must stay fit & well!!

Fading – snooze time – the sun is shining on box window seat & is calling me so I’ll just test it out for size – for a brief second.  Wake 90 minutes or maybe a couple later feeling refreshed Great spot that.  Slow arvo – started blog early today as an hour after resting starting to diminish again already – it is only an hour since I rested – Really!.  I will not give in to this eternal wearing down – I didn’t ask for these tumors and they won’t win over the greater me! Bloody things! They will adjust to how I live not the other way round. I will not yield to their pressure. Still I partly blame the drugs a bit too – as they make you go noddy – just not at night unfortunately.

Jennifer – Sue’s Cousin is over for tea tonight.  I am going to be getting a few memories of Daisy from her to help me, as I have been asked to participate in the sharing of the celebration of Daisy’s life – (feel very honoured).

Well in a nutshell folks, that’s how Anzac Day came to pass with me and has now taken on a whole new meaning in our house.

M&D time – might try no sleeping pill  & no pain killers and see what the tumors come up with for tonight’s activities   Watch for tomorrow’s ramble.  Emotionally & physically drained to the core now!

Lest We Forget.

Kia Kaha.

Howdy all – fixed the spelling mistake that Wilson sneakily put in the title of yesterday blog – sorry about that.  He has been suitably assaulted and restrained!  Wilson is now about 95% under my control now  Thank goodness – he even helps with carrying things without dropping them, tying shoelaces in a record time, and assisting with food eating without throwing it on me or the fork on the floor.  I’ve even got brave enough to let im assists with typing a bit – thank goodness for spell checker!

On to the day – well we’ll start with the night – about 3 hours sleep – mind roaring with all sorts of deep stuff – which I won’t elaborate on today as it will not be appropriate nor helpful.

Woken then about 5:30 with a new pain out of the where the hell did the body come up with that unique one from?  It was a head pain from a tooth on the right going straight up by the ear deep into my head and felt like the dill they did the biopsy with was still going! OK – I’ll take any noisy alarm clock right now over that!  Thankfully it only lasted about 2 minutes – but F’n hell – really these bloody visitors can take their surprises somewhere else thanks. Oh well – seen as I’ve had my head rudely awoken I may as well wake up the body and head down to the gym –  good early start.  Awesome workout for 1 1/2 – feel very awake and focussed considering lack of sleep.  It’s going to be a good day.

Read an email that had come back then from an American doctor that has done research into my Tumor type, so knows its characteristics & aggressive behaviour and confirms that the treatment plan I am getting is what they would be using on me if I was their direct patient.

Nurse Candy calls and says my Chemo script is ready to be collected – I must have somehow come back on the computer system right Candy?  Wonder if the script is for me on the old system or the new one (see yesterday’s blog).  Either way – I have the name of the drugs an dthe routine – so bring it on – more than ready to deal to these 3 mo’ fo’s now!  They are starting to pee me off.  The non driving bit esp! 29 years of freedom (& only ever 2 accidents my fault) – then wham – gone!!!  Sad fact is either way I will never drive again as the risk of a seizure and therefore injury/death to others is too great   I can hear some of you now saying thank good ness he’s off the bloody roads one less petrol head!

Off to work – nice busy sort of day,  just realise how much about some systems have fallen out of the old noggin – but get thru things.  PortaCot Wednesday lunch at Cafe Raeward seen as Anzac Day tomorrow.  Manage to work through until about 2:45 – but fading big time.  Martijn offer to drop me – home you folk are all very good to me – thanks guys.

Intended to rest up for a short spell but kept trucking on. Then went to boys footy practices – never far from a footy field! Just something about it.  Went for a unsupervised wander to supermarket though – normal outing for most without thinking  – but lots of people, noise, etc actually is a bit of a struggle for me now.  It is like my sensors are on super high.  It takes a large amount of work to get thru it – but I did so very happy.

Home for tea, blog and then crash I think – as fading quicker than an Auckland Blues attack   Hang on at least I have an attack – sorry Blues fans!!

Kia Kaha

Restless night – fidget night – oh for a full nights sleep! At least it is body restless not mind this time.  Only one cure – gym at 6am that’ll fix it all –  and does until the 6:45am fitting of bike lights to Jacobs bike gets in the way!! Ahh – why is it the simple stuff now takes 40 mins to achieve! only had to clip the damn things on – seriously.  But when Wilson decides to assist it turns very difficult for all.  Job done – all working.

Off to work to Logistics then & another trip to the new building in the Red Zone coming up. 

Time or a little moment about the quakes here – today I got to look out from the third floor of the new Press building just before midday to see them start demolishing the remainder of the spire of the Cathedral.  Bit of a poinyant moment of reflection for me really as on Tuesday 22 Feb @ 12:51 I stood in The old Press building about 30 metres from where I am now and watched mother nature knock the spire down on this same Icon of Canterbury and here I am now 14 months on (though 1 day & 1 hour earlier) watching Man power trying to finish Mother Natures handy work (it took her about 25 seconds).  Maybe it is just me been a soppy git of sorts – but whats the chances of witnessing 2 events like this unplanned considering most Cantabs haven’t got to see in this part of their city? I know there are arguments about the Cathedral but watching what was happening with the spire today every time it was touched by the demo claw all 3 walls twisted & moved – it is not stable – it needs to be lowered we are dealing with Mother Nature who doesn’t care how many foundations you have, how many cornerstones make your church, hall or city – there is a time to accept that we are against a bigger force than man & machine and get it right from what we think we know about this force now – though Feb 22  proved we are still very much infants when coming to knowing how our billion year old mother can behave.  Maybe this is just one of these things that I guess I was meant to witness seen as I’ll not get to see what the new city will become.  Right enough deep cr@p!

Off to Chemo Nurse Education session though I’ve no desire to become a Chemo nurse so don’t know why they want to educate me   What a stuff up! Checked in at reception – upstairs – waited half an hour – Sue went & asked when we’d be seen – oh the session is downstairs – haven’t you been?  Well obviously already to much of a frequent flier to Oncology if they didn’t think it odd just us sitting there twiddling thumbs for 30 mins. Taken downstairs then and told that would be seen soon.  20 minutes later – finally an Oncology nurse called Candy (and not that sort of Candy nurse either!) – comes and finds me – to then explain that they have no record of me – how rude!!  They don’t they know who I am – Nursey you’re not making friends here   And then she suckers me with the old beauty line – that they are changing between computer programs and that my files are imported over yet – good old blame the computer system one – not sure if I’ll warm to Nurse Candy at all .  Session once started went very well  have a strict drug taking routine I’ll have to stick to, and weekly blood tests – ouch yuck! Guess I’m going to get this blame the PC nurse a bit over the next 7-8 months as I’ll be in nearly everyday of it (except when in the month gap) and Nurse Candy will be there with me all the way.  I forgave allowed the slip in her judgement (don’t blame computer when dealing with IT folk) eventually – at least I think I will in about 2 weeks time when it all starts.  Got given my Green card – unfortunately not my US one but my flash Harry Cancer one – so it makes me an official Oncology patient I really pray to God that I don’t know or  hear of any other folk that will get one of these things or have to face this ordeal in any form.  My green card is my emergency 24 contact to Oncology and if I have to go to hospital via A&E it is a go to the front of the queue ticket anywhere in NZ.

Basically that’s the day folks – a bit of dribble, a bit of me been a soppy git about the Cathedral & the dealings with Nurse Candy. Having an earlier night tonight as planning a full day at work tomorrow – depending how body & brain are going.  BTW – Wilson is behaving more –  though taking a huge amount of work which is tiring as retraining the brain., but I am not going to give up – sense of taste still sucks huge time – oh well small trade – bit of luck I’m not allowed to drink anymore – as would be a shame to be drinking my mates Grey Goose or Jim Black & not taste them!

Hope all have a pleasant  day/night too.  M&D time!!

Kia Kaha

Well late night – thanks neighbours! Early start – thanks tumors!  Figured may as well be proactive and write Saturdays Blog early Sunday morning before you early readers rise from your sleeping pits wanting the latest ramble

Energy levels suck completely today – already worn out.  I have figured it is not tiredness (sleep deprivation, mental clarity), it is fatigue I am suffering (mental to muscle ability to co-ordinate properly, lack strength, etc).  And I think I know why – I have been working hard on getting control of Wilson (the youth of today take so much more effort why can’t a left hand accept it will be the less dominate one – there is only about 11.3% of the world that are lefties) – that I am mentally taxing myself so much more making one body part work correctly. The best news though is I am winning!! Wilson has been under heavy training and is starting to play his part in complete body function – even helping a bit to type this blog.

Sweet – quake coming through swrilly one – about a 3.8 I reckon from Southshore – Odd thing is the first time I’ve heard the walls make a clicking sound with a shake.  Oh well think that is now shake number 11000+ – can’t remember the features of them all.

Next bit to rein in now is the steroid and their side effect of not telling my tum it is full.  The big downside of this is that my taste buds have gone AWOL.  Nothing has a flavour anymore   I bush my teeth 5 times a day still nothing mouth wash, hew gum – yuck!!!  But have a huge appetite.  Going to start tracking my food intake again so I can try to get some bit of management over the eating desire.  And no that doesn’t just mean  sorting my jelly beans into colours then by number of them.

Got an awesome huge gift basket surprise from our Otatara – Invercargill friends – Shona Tomlins; Karen Thompson; Kerstin Krumerer;  Sue Fleet; Sarah Lovell; Sandi Edwards; Sandra Tuckey & Toni Furguson – you ladies are what makes Invers the best small city in NZ in my books.  Old fashioned NZ living in semi rural, an always an open door and a welcome smile. Thank you so so much.

Quiet arvo – went to find slippers – I know granddad! Then to visit Nana.  Then home for tea.

Had a lovely visit then from Paul & Helen with a lovely supply of gifts too – yum Cake Helen – thanks from my out of control tum!  Was great to catch up – best of luck with the horse on Thursday & thanks for the tips. Hope dinner was yum too.

Well folks that’s about it for today really.  Thankfully no leg tremors coming back – just ground ones (the earlier one i mentioned was logged as a 3.9 off Southshore http://www.canterburyquakelive.co.nz/QuakeMap/Single/ ) – not a bad guess eh??

MaD (Milo & drugs) time now.  Til the morrow.  Those about to go sleeping – sleep well – those about to enjoy Sunday have fun.  Those not reading on the right day – get with the game

Kia Kaha

What a busy day & it is even harder when you feel zapped of all energy – guess it is a taste of the new norm? Didn’t help myself though by staying up late trying to get the pics of the mask making online. Trying to fix this up now still as I see that it is not working corretly. Ahh – computers who’d have them some days!!

FIrst day of footy for Jacobs team this morning – so back to the Winter Saturday routine. His first season on a senior pitch so need to make sure he has more brekkie than norm to keep the fuel going. Convince him that his team is not going to get a hiding – all usual prematch nerves. Mum keeps the spag & toast comng while Dad tries to help settle the nerves. Two boys put out at Halswell for footy while Sue goes to collect Lachie from the airport after his week long journey to the lovely deep south.

Stunner day for footy – Don’t know what Jacob’s panic about getting a hiding was about either – about 10 seconds into the game and they are leading 1-0!  The team does very well and come away 11-2 winners!!  Downside was getting little leg tremors – piut it to tiredness – and keep moiving so they go away – I’m not going to start have seizures!!

News comes through that Lachies team have won 6-3 too so great start for them too.

Rush home to meet Mum & her sister Colleen & husband Phil (who have been living in Kati Kati).  They have retired, sold their house & brought a 7metre house bus – what a way to retire.   IT has a car behind for when they are in bigger cities & towns so all work perfectly. Phil has spent most of his life as a professional truck driver so it is a breeze for him to haul such a small unit around.  They’ve been touring the South Island & just seen their new Grandson in Nelson. Fantastic to see them & catch up as haven’t seen them for about 15 years I think.

Energy levels almost at complete bottom    Off to watch the Halswell PInkies take on the Nomads team. Usually a good battle.  Arrive just before half time. Sue tells me that as Aunty was leaving she had said that she had just been in hospital on the coast with viral bronchitis – brings me to a new mental low – as I have been told that I have to stay away from  people that have general sniffles – whih is lots this time of year, but something like that is gutting. I’m not going to get sick as I can’t afford to have my tretament start delayed!

PInkies are tied at 1-1 so good ot hear. Though just before half time Craig – keeper is beaten by a bounching ball – bugger! 2-1 Nomads.   Watch the scond half with the broken down legs sideline support team – 4 out already in the second game of the season with leg injuries – really – how old are we now???  BIt of a flat game – but it was warm and the lads put in  a good effort.  Nomads score a third – lovely left foot shot – can’t take it from their guy. Boys ralley for the last 10-15 and Solly goes close with a cracker past the keeper to rattle the upright. – no one following in to finish the deflection. About 5 mins later great buildup play on the flat  cross goes to Shane whose made a fantastic run in from left back – (ahh remember that position well) who jusy missed on turning it in- so close!!  Nomads walk away 3-1 winners.  Great effort lads.

Struggling with energy now completely – I feel fuzzy in the head more can’t think clearly, & are becoming intolerant – Wilson frustrating me too- though the physio exercises are starting helpme get control again- Yay! I will make it through this day.  Going to Andy & Roh’s to watch rugby & have tea tonight – not going to bail!  Esp. as Andy has made  his awesome Barjees & Roh her curry – love Indian.  Fun relaxing night – just what was needed for all – wines, Coke, Barjees, & kids being kids. Crusdaers won too-  sweet – sorry Andy. WQord comes thru from a neighbour that the youngesters that rent next to us are having a 19th birthday party & music very loud!

Get home about midnight to the house vibrating from music bass!! I know I am young & loud too but really!!  Last until 1am before Sue & Kat neighbours daugther find one of the tennants too ask for them to turn it down – awesome – they do it striaght away – then spend the next 10-15 mins with it going up & down obviously others wanting to party loud still.  Peace prevails!!  Dose off about 1:30ish.

BIt of a dry ramble today folks – but still as flat as will try to make Sunday more adventureous.

Kia Kaha

Another broken rest which is not good for long weeks with lots of appointments & info to absorb   Up early Gym is calling – so into it & a bit of exercise – good kickstart to the day. And worked too – feel better.  Pain Killers didn’t even Knock me over last night – ggrrr!

Dad is home from sea today so is coming over to catch up & to do the work run for me.  Had a big talk about lots of things – so the early start was fine – them off to Ford to book WOF look at a nice FG Falcon GT 355KW – cause you can’t have enough power! Not overly keen on it though as I won’t be driving it! Very nice but will think it over for Dad

Really quick ride then to Cafe Raeward for our IT Friday morning brekky session  Dad gets to meet all my fellow inmates, and enjoy a coffee & I’m impressed with the good behaviour – his that is before the roar of a real V8 – Ford that is of course – crackles into the distance & we are left to our food.

Before todays appointments we have lunch with Karl & Nevil at The BoatShed Cafe.  Very good to catch up with both, though wish circumstances were different.

Todays appointments are with the Radiation Specialists to get the briefing on treatment & the mask needed for locking my head in place in the microwave – sorry Radiation oven. I’ll try to load a gallery of pics later tonight.  All went really well though – dozed off while they made it then scanned me – but then again I fall asleep in an MRI machine which is very noisy. Hope they remember to set the timer when I’m in it else I’ll be a well cooked turkey

Our next meeting then with a Social Worker, (sorry I may have said previously that it was the Chemo team – I’ve got a reason to be forgetful sometimes),wanting to be sure that we’re dealing with this all the best we can – it was very helpful – for assuring that we are ding well with dealing with all of this – as there is so much you get hit with & learn in  a very short time, all the while knowing that at the end of the day the result is the same – which does play on you.  Basically got the tick of approval.

Next off to pickup Jacob – he’s been away on a week-long boys camp at Glentui.  Awesome to see the lad again – armed with a few more wise cracks & slightly cruder jokes (13-year-old ones thankfully).  And he’s had the most wonderful time!  Which is what you to hear.

Quiet night realising just how much rubbish is on TV.

Off to bed as  soon as I have these pics up online as busy day with Jacob first footy game then Mum & Aunty from Kati Kati coming over then off to the Halswell pinkies footy game against Nomads. Best of luck too to the boys from Thistle.  And all the Halswell teams this weekend.

Kia Kaha.

Welcome back to the battle between 3 tumors controlling one rogue left hand aka Wilson & Tony – determined to get the better of Wilson & nuke these tumors butts back to well where ever they came from! – Oh that looses all punch right there – it’s all me – Fail!!  Ok so I’m not a writer – build the bridge already & put up with me – teasing;-)

Better sleep last night – thank goodness – but probably cause I was stuffed from the whole day’s input & playing footy – no cheap mutterings from the those that have populated a space on the field with me about you – that I use play rather than run in circles, go to the other left & fall over – you know who you are!!

Went into the CBD Red Zone for work today (we have a new building already to go, but too much demo work still in streets around it that means we can’t occupy it yet.  Not a lot has changed since Nov when went in – well actually sorry it has more of the CBD has now gone  but so much still to go!  Felt really good in the new building too – which was encouraging.Todays appointment was with the Physio at the hospital in an effort to get me to control Wilson again.  Lots of tests & checks to set base lines, and a plan of exercises to allow me to win this battle with Wilson & his side kick the left knee.  I first want to be able to tie my shoelaces again, then eat without throwing the fork different directions by dropping it,  then eventually carry things again – that would be a helpful task – considering Wilson is a hand after all!  Jeremy the Physio thinks a bit of work, lots of exercises & basically re-train the brain around the tumors to do these functions are possible, So now also focussing on making Wilsons days numbered!!  As I said I will win if life’s not about winning then why are we in the human race?

Sue & I have been out for lovely dinner with Cousins Nick & Anna their awesome fun 3 lads.  Had a very yummy  meal, fantastic conversations, and an enjoyable relaxing night.  Great to see you all, – been way too long. Extensions looking fantastic too. 

Well, another big day tomorrow – have 2 hospital appointments – Radiation team to get the mask made & CT scan done ready for May 7 Then appt, with Chemo education team.

Till the sun of another day closes to the dark of another evening.  Have a brilliant Friday.

Kia Kaha.

Sorry Folks – full on day –  poor sleep night before – need sleep – Now!

Thursday update – from Wednesday below –

Well as I said earlier poor sleep philosophical night again, along with emotional, & my general I can’t stop thinking about lots of stuff sleep & a bit of humor – damn head full of c@ap & tumors! – Bugger it all.

Start with the deep stuff – keep thinking about why is it that I haven’t gone to pieces over it all?  What is keeping me so in check – I can talk about this like its yesterdays lunch? is it cause I’m not caring enough about myself or my own fate or is it that I’m not considering others in this as much as I should?  ?The pleasing thing is that I think I can answer most of this without anyone want to have me committed or needing to get ‘extra’ help’  The simple answer is belief. I have always believed everything that happens in my life to be the result of the choices I or someone else has made around the belief in me of who I am.  I believe so entrust that right to others too. In terms that I believe that I have the support of everyone I know of the surgeon that did the biopsy, the Chemo & Radiation specialists planning the best treatment they have – the belief that I know I can give this a damn good fight as I belive I am mentally strong & physically able.  So when people say to me that I’m been brave or Stoic – it is easier than that – I’m just been human & believing.

Ok – out of the deep now thanks! – on to emotions we all have them – ok enough said! -Joking- I think over tired & getting wound up about the Radiation team appointment coming up just let some of the inner feelings out – its odd waking up with water in your eyes but no reason why – unless passed drunk out in winter outside – then it is perfectly normal maybe.  Still I find it strange & fascinating.

Now a bit of humour – before the rambling of the days meetings, etc. – My old mate the random left hand – which here on in will be known as Wilson (thanks to Sue, Jo & Tony from coming over the other night).  Why Wilson – ever see Castaway – Tom Hanks movie & the Volleyball that kept him company – well my left hand has become like Wilson except that he has slightly more motive & influential powers than a volleyball  ; -)  Well it seems that Wilson has a hidden agenda to get back at me!  I grabbed the Duvet to pull up over my shoulders  with my left hand as you do subconsciously when your limbs work normally for 44 years and stupidly thought that I had hold properly of it – then Wilson attacks! One cheap shot to the forehead!  Ok not an uncommon occurence probably in houses everywhere – but for me this personal.  Well – you think I would – learn – no comments either please – yes I’m a slow learner sometimes – but if a few mins later Wilson lands blow 2 to the nose – thankfully the advantage of having a nose that has been broken 7 times means it can deflect the shot with little discomfort.  So whether this is the tumors way of getting one on me before I get their butts nuked I don’t know – but score is 2 nil to Wilson.  Revenge is coming!!!

Into the depths of the day’s business – importantly the appointment with the Radiation specialist. This guy knows his stuff.  They are going hit the whole right side of my brain with X-rays for 5 days a week for 6 weeks starting 7 May.  While giving me Chemo for the 6 weeks 7 days a week. Then a 1 month stabilisation break – then start 6 months of Chemo straight.  I will have another MRI about 3-4 months after the Radiation as it can take that long before they will see any decrease in size of tumors.They have said it is very aggressive treatment & needs to be. They will not speculate on timeframes ,etc as they said they have no accurate gauge to base it on apart from the future scans – & they don’t want to give false hope as they said at best they will be a guess!  But they said I have a lot of positives going for me – fit, willingness to fight, lots to live for, positive, etc , so the fact that they are about nuke to me to hell & back for a long time means they want me here for a long time too.  Nice when the Doctors got your back too.  An hour and a half whistled by with more answers than questions fantastic.  Best of all he allowed me to pull on my boots again, well not in a competitive way – for going for a run around on Wednesday nights.  Now you know why I was so knackered last night & no blog !  Guess where I was???

Then off to a catch up with our Nigel – IT Boss- it was great to catch up in person and be able to talk about so many  things, as there is just some talks that need to be face to face a phone call just doesn’t seem to be right – Thanks for making the time Nigel – it helped hugely esp. good timing too after the meeting with Radiation.

Anyhow that’s the quick surmise of Wednesday anyhow.  Hope everyone else had throughly enjoyable days.

Kia Kaha

Thursday coming now – Will be Shorter promise.