3 Too Many

T Day = 20 (Chemo only in weekends) 23 Chemo to go this round.

Slept well until about 5:30 when pain and alarm woke me.  Head and joints hurting lots today  come downstairs and get the meds ready for the day, take pain killers, and make a cuppa tea.  The pain killers take a while to kick in – it is going to be one of those days.  Also the blob on the left eye is very bad now, and that is causing issues.  It makes it hard to actually see clearly, and is tiring – so going to get an eye patch this morning for it as walking around covering it is not ideal.  It is an unfortunate side effect of the radiation treatment.  But the good news is that it should disappear once radiation ends – yay!

Having a very tired day – fall asleep at the drop of a hat this morning – eye patch and all. Its going to be one of these days – bugger it.  Usually Saturdays I have bounds of energy – today I can bearly stay awake. Lachlan is out of here early as he is playing against Waimak and they are about 40 minutes away.  Unfortunately the trip out there didn’t prove to good – they go down 7-0!  We head off to Jacob’s game then against St. Andrews – I fall sleep going there, then for about 30 minutes on the side of the pitch waiting for the game to start – seriously – when I say I could sleep anywhere – I mean anywhere!!  I could be in a war zone & still catch Zz’s.  Jacob’s match is one of 2 halves – they’re asleep in the first half and all seem to have lead in their boots.  The second half is an improvement but the damage is already done as they are trailing 4-0 at half time and end up going down 6-2.  It’s now down to the big boys this arvo to show the way!  Well I hope they do -0 they manage a 4-4 draw – great going gents.

I intend to try to get down to see my teams game as it is just around the corner from home.  But with how I’m going that could be a long shot! Well – getting to the game didn’t happen – sorry guys – to tired, and sore.  Damn you shitty side effects!  Mood seems to have swung to a grumpy – short fuse – just really frustrated feeling drained of energy, unable to think straight, can’t decide how I really am feeling – happy, sad, angry or just mad.  Feel confused, and to top it off the nausea waves have already started and I’ve just had lunch – bugger it. I’m trying to have some crystalized ginger to settle it a bit as it has been suggested to me.  Seems to be doing the trick for now. What to do next – get out the knives and the sharpener – what else do you do when in a mixed up mental state but get out knives to sharpen (insert evil laugh here) – hahaha!!!  It’s ok folks I’m a trained professional – so don’t try this at home.

Aunty Zoe arrives for a visit and catch up – great catch up and some good follow-up stuff for me to look at – thanks Zoe, I’ll have a look for sure.  Also – apologies to Vicky  – thank you very much for the Fruit loaf you made – I must admit that I normally steer clear of fruit and veges but something with these things has made the taste of these ‘things’ really enhanced so I’m eating more than I did ever, and the fruit loaf is just awesome!

Nat visits for the evening for a catch up, and brings dinner – thanks Nat and a vino or 2!  She renames the study to mission control!  Excellent! Have a good but tiring night, so M&D time and sleep I think. 

Have a good safe one folks where ever you are!

Kia Kaha.

T Day = 19 (Adjuvant chemoradiation) – 15 Radiation & 23 Chemo to go this round – Half way there!!

Another near full  sleep – I’m liking this!! 3 days in a row and I might like a baby have a new routine – yeah baby!!   Still the brain is not shutting down properly so going thru things – lots of things!  The latest process is the Terminal odds – in fact this whole god damn terminal term! What is the real definition of terminal? How long is terminal – now, 4 months, 6, 12? Or is it years?  1 or 2?  I know they can’t give dates or months (unless they are very good at looking in their crystal ball – and that analogy came from a Doctor – cause he would not tell me as he thought that it was an impossible question to answer honestly – I liked this guy very much!!  He wouldn’t even hedge bets on a time.  HIs answer was simply – they have a very aggressive treatment plan for you, which covers 8 1/2 months, and they thinks you have the mental and physical attitude and the support of a huge amount of people who will ensure you will, benefit for a period of time after the treatment finishes – that will ensure you some quality still while having more time.  I’m happy with this as the last thing I really want to do is circle a day or month on the calendar – we all know it’s coming – that’s enough.

Doctors said I have a zero percent  = therefore terminal – that means based on betting terms they have given me 100% of the odds to use myself as the house (the medical fraternity) have now used theirs.  therefore based on the 100% odds I now have, I choose to back myself that I will last longer than they ever thought, and give a better fight against these 3 mofo’s then they ever thought.  Wait that’s 200% I just used = bugger – that means then I have and extra 100% to use doesn’t it?  Don’t you love the mechanics of mathematics – I do!  You can screw anything around to make it look as good or as bad as you want. So I will use the extra 100% now to ensure that they go it wrong! Damn – there goes 300 % used now! Well they started it and seen as in one foul swoop of their medical super powers – took drinking, driving and footy off me – then told me you’re terminal  – I think I can take as much of their odds as I want (I still don’t really know what’s the worst news – even now!). 

Anyway enough babbling – it probably doesn’t make much sense anyway!  In for another fun day as feeling good.  Got a 9:20 zapping today and Jono is my driver.  We are going to try to get there earlier as we are meeting the others at Cafe Raeward for one last breakfast, then to Logistics for the final farewell morning tea The Press is putting on.  They get me locked and loaded and zapped about 9am – great.  The mask is incredibly tight and I struggle to breathe a bit. They can’t just make a new one as it could delay the treatment plan by a couple of weeks, as they have to re- calibrate and align the new mask and beams in the computer with the scans to ensure the depth,and targeting, etc are all perfect.  So they are going to try to adjust just the nose part so I can breathe a bit as it is a long time to hold your breath!

Off out of here to Cafe Raeward for one last breakfast and meet up with the PortaCare crew – except Cath whom is shopping New York to death still I hope!  Brought extra suitcases yet Cath??  And Ann whom is still off training staff!  Also we meet with 3 others that have come from out-of-town to help with the building move – Vicky Wilson, Andrew Clancy & Callum McCarthy.  And also Nigel Bailey joins us.  Scrambled eggs and extra bacon – very yummy!

Off to Logistics for the farewell and load up the last of the Portacom gear that needs to go to town.  Seems a little odd – have a moment’s reflection looking at the setup  – it was a fantastically arranged setup that while in some ways not ideal, just showed the resourcefulness in an emergency situation, and along the way it broke down department barriers and brought 300 plus personalities and people into the collective open of business without walls.  May this continue in the new building. While I’m standing there one of the institutions of our setup – our version of meals on wheels – Munchie Express arrives.  Get one last meal.

Off then to the new building with Jono – get the gear we brought in up to his desk then crash out at mine – the energy plug has been pulled!!  Take a pause doing things for a bit then into some work.  Not having a good day with energy today though  as only lasting about in about 20 minute bursts then fading off big time.  Head off home about 1:30 as can’t take much more and need to rest.  Get home have some lunch then  crash out for about 45 mins – after the noisy 5.2 visitor.  Boys get home then were off to doc for flu shots for them.  Then Jacob is playing indoor footy tonight.  Great footy game – Jacob’s team (avg age probably 12) loose 4-3 to a team that is avg age 15.  Great game by both teams – and some impressive goals.

F&C for tea  – then Vicky van der Klip visits us to catch up seen as she is in town.  Sorry for drifting off Vicky – just one of the lovely side effects I have to deal with It does my head in – black humour! 

M&D time now and bed as another big footy day tomorrow!  Have a great Friday / Saturday all.

Kia Kaha.

T Day = 18 (Adjuvant chemoradiation) – 16 Radiation & 24 Chemo to go this round.

Another – day and another good sleep – only woken once at 3:30 with bad chest pains. Head downstairs for painkillers and some baking soda in warm water –  good quick cure if you have chest pains, or indigestion badly (tastes like crap but it works).  Back to bed then to keep sleeping.  Next awaking is by the alarm clock at 5:50 – now that is something novel – haven’t done that in quite awhile.  Downstairs  – well not at a rushed speed as can hardly move! This is another lovely side effect of the steroids – the joint pain!  Get the meds for the day ready and down the first lot for the day as it is 6am.  One thing though – while it was a good sleep, I did have to smile as I woke a couple of times and the brain was going flat-out on things, but just turned over and went to sleep again.

On with the day – 7am Chemo drugs on board – and know the kidneys are going to get hit then in the next 20-30 minutes. Zapping is at 10:10 today – so Anna is my driver today.  Ready to roll early, and Anna, DJ & Ollie turn up right on 9:30.  Off to the hospital.  They drop me at the door – that’s guys!  I get thru the zapping earlier than expected but they have to do a CT scan (for their targeting of the beams and to make sure they are pointing at the right place) which adds about another 5-10 mins to the time I’m locked down for.  I manage to make it thru – then set off to walk to the new building – about 3.8km away.  It’ a nice day and a lovely walk – though some of the footpaths are still incredibly munted!  And drivers are in gaga land – as I use the cross signals at an intersection a van rolls thru against the red and nearly gets me – but doesn’t even realise what he’s done – even with me throwing hands in the air and verbalising to him that he has a head that resembles a part of his anatomy that he obviously has misplaced.  If there was a car coming then he might have got the messages from the mess.

Arrive at work and discover Nigel Bailey (NZ IT Boss) and Rainer Rhedey – GM of Infrastructure and Operations are visiting Christchurch today.  It was great to meet them and catch up with where things are at.  Nigel is staying for 4 days while the move to the new building happens over the weekend. 

Manage to struggle through the day till 2pm and get picked up.  Fading quickly though.  We stop by the chemist to get the next round of Chemo drugs.  And the repeats for everything I take – and it is a hell of a list!  Leave with my big bag of happy pills

Nap for about an hour – didn’t even hear anyone come home – must be tired.  Wake to find picklets for afternoon tea – yum!  Fossick around for a couple of hours doing chores, then tea – thanks for the lagsane  Roh – very nice!  Also apologies Jo Knudsen too – thank you for the Lucozade yesterday – needed a bottle of it today, so it is great timing.

Quite evening all in all, as to tried to do anything of note.  So going to hit the hay soon to try to get another good rest in.  So you know the process – M&D time folks.

Have a fantastic day/evening/morning/arvo folks.

Kia Kaha.

T Day = 17 (Adjuvant chemoradiation) – 17 Radiation & 25 Chemo to go this round.

Today Iis the first day since it all began that I have woken to an alarm clock, pain, or any other thing!! Thank goodness  – yay!!!  May this be the start of something good! Still feel good but a wee bit foggy.  Brain has still been processing lots overnight but that’s ok.  Up then at 5:40 to get the drugs ready as I must have the first ones at 6am sharp – so while it is a milestone – it is still bloody early!

Smooth morning with the boys up and ready early, Mum arrives about 8am to take me to hospital as she is my driver today and wants to see the mask getting locked on too for radiation.  We head to the hospital about 8:30 and Richard meets us there too so he can see how it is done.  Mum asks lots of questions and is fascinated by it all.  Nice to see hear  Zapping goes well and doesn’t seem to take it out of me as much today as normal.  But then again I seem to have good days on Wednesdays and Saturdays.

Mum and I head off then to the new building , as IT are now officially resident there.  We stop for a coffee and muffin at The Coffee House in Montreal Street and have a fat chat about the radiation and treatment, among other things.  IT was nice to catch up like that

Direct Mum around the winding path to get to the new access point in Gloucester Street  – man its winding – it ‘ll be great if when they open another street thru – like Tuam (they are waiting to demo the old Civic Chambers there I think).  Else I could don a hard hat and walk in thru the checkpoint in Gloucester Street – not ideal though. Arrive at my ‘new ‘ work and promptly set about setting up my new spacious desk to how I like.  This is awesome – so quiet and so much room, and best of all – an office sized space –  15 months and 1 day since 22 Feb!  Last at work until about 2pm when Sue picks me up – I show her around the new office and my desk! Very impressed.  The views are great too.

Am starting to fade out so its home to rest and take it easy. Jane calls for a quick chat. Then I just potter around the house in small bursts – no big walks like yesterday, and log into work for a bit and to fix a small problem.  SUe is out picking up the Vectra which has been getting a WOF – and a couple of of things looked at –  my pocket is already hurting at the thought of the bill!!  I keep doing things and balancing it with rest in small burst s as suggested by the physio until tea time – which tonight is a very yummy Chicken Pasta care of the Booths – thanks guys – it went down a treat with all.

Zoe makes a quick call, and is down this weekend so will have a proper catch up then.  Then Kelvin – friend comes over to go over the family tree he is making – he has a list of over 460 names so far – wow!!!  Sue and him are working on the Family Trees – so I look for house s to rent while Fletcher’s fix our house.  Pretty quiet evening and day really – been in pain  on and off today so had to balance the meds more – but all in all it’s par for the course.

Anyhow – folks M&D time and sleep is calling.  Take it easy out there. 

Kia Kaha.

T Day = 16 (Adjuvant chemoradiation) – 18 Radiation & 26 Chemo to go this round.

Happy Birthday Mum!!!!

Thank goodness for small mercies – I was that tired I’ve actually had a fairly good sleep.  Though started waking about 3:30-4 with pain/discomfort.  If I can just get over that hurdle then I could sleep til 5:30 and that would be great!  Still don’t mind my early morning time, seen as I can’t gym it and are usually functioning better early I get things done for the day than later when the radiation and other fuzziness/fog cuts in – like writing the blog as it gets very random later!

Last night I was having a think about how just how much has changed since the treatment has started and this whole going from where I was 8 March to where I am now 22 May, and not really knowing or understanding which piece is the hardest to deal with. Follow this (as per the from the beginning timeline) – I know it’s long and wafflely – read if you want

• 8 March I had the usual Botox session in Dunedin, but something didn’t seem right with my speech afterwards (not that Botox kicks in straight away – it can take a week or 2) – but my tummy voice was saying – something not quite right.
• 15 March CT Scan shows 2 masses – off to hospital – tummy voice again saying not good but at least something there to explain it, & the Docs are thinking abscesses – so in medical terms that’s OK as operable – so positive that will be OK.
• 16 March MRI scan shows 3 masses – not connected, Docs puzzled though ass to what they are as they don’t meet the criteria for tumor, or lymphoma or abscess – great – if it’s going to be rare or odd – then who else would be first in line! Still positive that I’ll be fine – I mean I feel fine – in fact I feel bloody fantastic!
• 22 March – Biopsy taken – no worries it is just surgery – OK its brain surgery, but really in this day and age it is not a big deal – well that how I see it.  Still positive that all will, be good.  Though starting to see the concern spread to others around me about their concerns.  I have 5 days in hospital to go over every possibility of what is going on with me.  Yes there were many tears shed in the night, and dark places visited in the mind but I never once thought off giving in or up – I was in the right place for having whatever is wrong dealt with.  And also when it came to telling others, dealing with whatever the outcome of the biopsy, I was going to be in a more mentally stronger and I have always been able to accept that as humans we are not infinite objects on this planet – we all share a commonality regardless of who we are – and that is death, therefore it does not scare or worry me. So the alone time in an away – as much as I hate hospitals was beneficial.
• 30 March – Well we know just how bad the news got.  OK – I’ve prepared for this, I know others haven’t – so I’ve got to still deliver it the right way.  The reality of telling people bad news hits home – as I realise that not everyone is geared or as up to where I am with this in my mind. IN a way I was still more miffed at the fact they told me I’d never drive again or drink – I mean really!! F’me – you’re terminal – we don’t know how long or how to treat it even yet as it is so rare – but we’ll really ruin your Friday and tell you that your independence has now gone totally and don’t have a dink while you contemplate what we’ve just told you because it may mess you up – really!!  Don’t you think what you just told me did the same thing?
• 7 May  – Treatment day 1 – Nearly a month down the track and they have a plan of attack and can’t really tell me what I’m in for. The good news is that the CHemo is tablet based therefore I won’t be spending hours locked in at the hospital hooked to an IV line.  But mentally I have found this step of all so far to be the hardest – as up to this point the physical/visual changes have been minimal, OK I had a hole in my head and staples but that’s healed quickly and I put weight on with the steroids but otherwise I feel good and normal.  The amount of support from family, friends, colleagues, footy team/club, employers, and the wider community is amazing and an incredible humble pill to try to swallow – thank you too all.  But  from the 7 May on I will start to be a cancer treatment patient – the reality of this gets me hugely today on so many levels.  Cancer – it is still a word that I struggle with saying about myself – as it was not an illness that I ever would cross my health during my life. It is easier to say tumor than Cancer – but the same words tend to bring out the same reaction in people.  And need the same mental attitude to beat them. But I will start to physically/visually change – so to the outside world (strangers) what is wrong with me – they’ll be able to see.  I m not sure if I can deal with that idea.
• 22 May – week 3 of treatment and still each and everyday is a learned one!  The fatigue hits you differently, I now know what to expect with the Chemo – half hour after taking it – wham! Sucker punches to the kidneys and can bearly walk! But I can deal with that – I know it’s coming.  I look like a chipmunk/squirrel that’s scoffed all the winter food at once, thanks to the steroids!  Now there cut down I hope the bloody face decides to slim up too as the mask for radiation is getting a tad tight!

What I’m trying to get across – if you know anyone that is faced with a similar card in life then let them know how I got through to it thus far.  Yep there is a huge amount to deal with , and I know everyone is different in the way they deal with things – both emotionally, physically and mentally, but at the end of it all it still needs to be dealt with.  Rally the troops (your closest support people – family, close friends & employers early) they need to be ready to help and it easier to downgrade the situation than bombshell (as I have cruelly done to several people including my GP – sorry Annabel). As the stages or situation changes step up the info going out and decide what is /who is next that you need to help – not just the patient – but more importantly those closet to the patient – they often need the support more than the person, as I said I had time to process what is happening, so I think I was far ahead of where others were in been able to deal with the diagnosis and accept it.  One of the main questions I have been asked is how do you tell the boys – easy 2 words – open honesty! Do not ever under-estimate the resilience or ability of a child to read the reality of a situation. As hard as a question may ever be – honest answers, small amounts. Don’t baffle with too much to cover what you don’t want to say.  Share tears, time, hugs & humor – esp. black humor – it does really help!  The questions conversations may come up at odd times but that is fine.  The last thing I need to know I left is a p’eed off teenager cause I didn’t tell him the honest answers about what’s happening to me.

Right on with the day – Get an early call from Dad as they are leaving Wellington for Auckland – and it has been nearly a week since he left. Have good quick catch up.  Up then and rouste the boys for another day. Down the Chemo pills – 3 little bombs for the 3 little invaders! That’ll learn’em!  Hit the shower then before the kidney punches come in!  Jacob on his bike before 8 – minus 2 outside and he’s wearing thin shorts – oh the youth of today!  Lachie is grumbling about scootering – softy!

Working from home this morning as have 3 back to back appointments today – radiation at 11:30 then Physio at 12pm, then Radiation Doctor at 1:30pm – then home for a nap I would dear say – though feeling bloody fantastic so far today, barring the waves of nausea passing thru.

All appointments go great – radiation does it’s normal and buggers me – only 17 to go – nearly half way – yay!!!  Physio gives me some more anti – Wilson exercises and a plan to keep the leg moving and to rest more when I need to so I can get through this a lot better.  Have a quick-lunch at the hospital Cafe and run into Richard – Sarah (sister) partner, and he is going to come and see how they lock you into the mask for the radiation tomorrow as well as Mum (whom is taking me to treatment tomorrow). The Speech Therapist sneaks a visit in to check how I’m going too – and is happy with progress. The Radiation doctor is happy with the way things are progressing – and says that the tiredness is only going to get worse so to take it easy.  Get dropped at Barrington to grab  couple of things needed for dinner. And decide to walk home as it’s a lovely day and I really feel like stretching the legs out – about a 15 min walk home with a small amount of groceries.  Go to footy, etc, and nap in the car as we drive about.

Arvo and evening pass quickly. Cousin Jenny stops by for a visit and a catch up .  Otherwise not a lot to report apart from tiredness kicking thru as usual.  Going to try another earlier night and see if I can get more sleep than normal as I feel great and intend to go to work tomorrow.  M&D time nearly folks!

To all a fantastic evening/day/arvo – and “Hey let’s be careful out there!”

Kia Kaha.

T Day = 15 (Adjuvant chemoradiation) – 19 Radiation & 27 Chemo to go this round.

Woken with a real fog on today after a restless night.  Pain ok, but its woken me –  again.  Another bloody groundhog day Just feel flat.  Maybe it’s just that I know radiation is coming today and that will drain me – got to stop preempting the effects and stay positive.

Had a good thinking session during one of the waking moments in the night – about a conversation I had his last week with someone, on the telling the boys and others about what’s happening to me – not in terms of the terminal side of it – but how I feel I am from the inside to them – anything that I think is changing.  It got me thinking – obviously a bit more about this.  While I say on here and to Sue and others on how I’m going for the day – including the boys, I don’t think I’ve actually said what the view from the inside is now like really 2 weeks into treatment, etc.  Mentally most days is a real foggy mess I can’t think straight, it takes a real effort to get what you know is right out.  The blob on the eye doesn’t help either, as that is a visual impact then on things and when you are not thinking straight that extra bit just is well – bloody annoying! Then there’s the speech – yes it slurs at times usually when I’m tired, or just taken some of the meds. And the best one the instant napping – mid-conversation – yep there – now gone! It is just embarrassing and rude.  But I’m sorry I’m no sure what I can do about it as it is my brain shutting down temporarily apparently and is when it is repairing itself.  Even if I could drive still, I wouldn’t though as I can’t judge speed correctly or distance (as we know from moving the car at Halswell and hitting the barrier).  I would hate to think what alcohol would do to me too!  I can’t do crowds or loud noises too, so stay clear of crowded malls – I can do a supermarket if too busy.  So yep – things have changed a bit.  Hopefully somethings will fade away again once the radiation finishes.

On with the day anyhow – busy one ahead as have radiation at 9am today, then Fletcher’s coming over to do an assessment for the repairs to the house, then Mum is coming to visit and then I have a Chemo Doctor appointment.  Roust the boys about 7am to get them moving.

The radiation wipes me out today – unbelievable – I walk in feeling ok, walk out feeling like the energy drain plug has been pulled and thrown away! And the bloody blood test hurt like hell too. Get in the car and promptly start dozing off asleep – I hardly even make it off the hospital grounds.  Get home and just take it easy as the doctors have said too.  The energy starts to come back slowly.

The Fletcher gents turn up and start their work – I just cruise – they don’t need a dottery half wit following them around the house.  About an hour & half later they come in and go through the process of what will happen from here. All good and the repairs will get put forward to get started.

Mange to grab a nap in the sun then  before Mum turns up for a visit with her friend Flo.  Mum’s birthday tomorrow so they’ve been out for lunch and having a day together – nice.  Good to see Mum so smiley and happy, and not rushing and looking frazzled.  Asked MUm if she will do the radiation run on Wednesday so she can see what they do, etc, as with her work (Nurse Maude) she has folk that get radiation done.

Next duty of the day is the meeting with the Chemo Doctor at the Hospital.  As per usual they are running really late.  The doc is happy with treatment and said basically what the Radiation doc has said about the tiredness and has taken note of the pain in the back /kidneys – but is happy with the pain management plan I have.  My bloods are tracking as per normal too so they are happy about that too – which is great to hear.

Go to get Jacob from a mates place in Prebbelton, then home for tea.  Energy starting to fade again – ggrrr- some days this is just not nice!  Decide to blog early as don’t think I’ll get much done tonight the way I’m going.  And Sue is having a lovely chat with her Aunty Viv – so it keeps me out of trouble and awake – well sort of   Also I have another big day of appointments tomorrow with the hospital too.  So till M&D time folks – keep warm, or cool (depending where you’re reading this) and have a great day/evening/morning.

Kia Kaha.

T Day = 14 (Chemo only in weekends) 28 Chemo to go this round.

Another little sleep night bugger it  all really – kept waking with different things – but mainly pain   It’s OK – not overwhelming or the likes – just dull throbbing headache and back.  FInally give in and get up at 4:45 as I find standing eases the back pain.  Sort my meds out for the day and pain killers.  Get brekky stuff already too as the boys are off to What Now and need to be up at 6:15!!  Early start all round.  Go up and roust the lads.  All in-car and on the road by 7am – bloody freezing – minus 5 outside!! Thank goodness the TV Studio is not far away.  Delivered safe and well and Sue & I go home to watch the show on TV.  It’s been years since I watched What Now – oh how it has changed! The boys are doing the Super Challenge course (or something) around the studio and they come on at 9:30am.   Lachie is in his favourite green and Jacob is in yellow.  The time to beat is 1min:25sec – they race very well – and Jacob completes it in 59 seconds!!!  Awesome job Dude – Lachie finishes about 5 seconds behind him.  Poor Lachies comment when they ask him how he feels he says ahh – Sad Jacob won a very cool super soaker water gun for his effort!  We have a good 4.1 quake just after they have their race and wonder if they’ve noticed it there.  Ngaire (SUe Aunt) then calls for a catch up  – nice to hear from you. Sue shoots off to collect them about 10am.  We decided that as a reward for their footy Player of the Days and their effort on What Now they can choose what they want for lunch  – I know they’ll probably only go for KFC which suits me perfectly! Except I’m having a lot of nausea waves today – so it maybe fun having this.

Boys home and buzzing understandably.  Tell them about lunch – dead right  – KFC it is!  Off to DressMart first to look for thermal boots for me when watching footy.  Find nothing but Jacob finds a new school bag. Then go have lunch – Gordon Bennett – I’m sure I’ve just brought shares in Restuarant brands with the food – want to print money – invest in a KFC store!  For that price I would expect it to be silver service.  All the same it is rather good.

Off then to see Sarah & Rowdy and drop back a couple of plates.  Have a good catch up for about an hour and a haf – and I manage to stay awake for about 90% of it.  Home then to just chill out. I go and have a 45 min nap, while the boys take some dishes back to the Bisleys up the road.  Kat from next door comes over to visit too and brings a fun 4.6 quake with her – joking Kat.  Deb and Glen (Kat’s parents) then come over later with a little present for me – they have found a jar with The Press on it and have filled it with choccies for my desk in the new building – very cool.  They then drop over dinner very yummy Pumpkin soup.

I get a call then from Scot Woodhouse in Aussie – nice surprise – thanks Scotty – Hi Junior and kids

Quiet evening all round then – discover that the internal access slider to the garage one wall has let go from the floor – bloody aftershocks!  Thank goodness Fletcher’s coming tomorrow to look at repairs – another to the list.  thinking it’s M&D time and bed as fading again and lots on tomorrow – radiation at 9am then Fletcher’s at 10:30 then Chemo Doctor at 4pm. Doesn’t sound much but the radiation takes its toll so take a bit to bounce back from.

Till the morrow folks.

Kia Kaha.

T Day = 13  (Chemo only in weekends)  29 Chemo to go this round.

First up apologies for the slow update of Saturday – busy day and tiredness stopped anything of any  sense been produced.  I only managed about 2-3 hours sleep on Friday night as between pain & general restlessness I could not settle down. Up by 5am – taking painkillers to balance out through the day so that they are not overlapping and they work into my routine – then set out chemo & other drugs for the day, etc.  Have a really dazed fog feeling on today – it is going to be some work to get through it.

Get brekky ready for the lads as footy day and wake them earlier to stop the last-minute Saturday panic that inevitably comes with it.  Bloody weather is appalling outside – blowing a freezing gale windchill just above zero – but at least it is not raining. All seem to have woken on the right side of the world – fantastic! All done an out the door 15 mins nearly earlier than normal – perfect. 

Lachies games first up against a handy FC2011 team – freezing on the sideline – Lachie puts in a great effort – not quite 100% yet – manages to core a goal and with his most committed effort so far this year gets Player of The Day – well done Dude.  The team unfortunately lost  till 4-2 – but a good effort all round.  Next off round the corner to Jacob’s game against Nomads – via the Old Vicarage for coffees and  a snack  as energy starting to wane & having  a nausea wave feeling day   – Jacobs game is on the most open field at the back of Halswell – burr – its freezing – coffee and muffin disappear to quickly! Energy topped up  – and feeling foggy but great again.  Actually – feeling better bar the nausea waves as the day go on.  Jacob and his team put in a great effort and come away 3-2 winners. 

Home to warm up, eat and then I’m off to watch the Halswell PInkies take on the FC2011KNVB (no idea what that last bits for).  Sue whips up a batch of Cheese puffs for lunch – yummy winter warmer food with a cuppa – soup.  Fish collects Lachie and I and off to Halswell again.  Lads have a great game – though only had 11 players, so was very tempted to pull the boots out of retirement a go and stand in field to make up numbers.  My energy has returned hugely and the fog has lifted as well – no tiredness feelings or the likes that normally hit mid arvo – can only put it down to lots of fresh air and no Radiation today.  BUt also realise that if I was to go on the footy pitch that it would probably take its toll over the next few days – so decide against that price as would rather enjoy a good feeling day over footy – did I just say that??  Game is very slow-paced – we missed scoring in open goals – ahh!!  And somehow snatched a 4-2 defeat from to many opportunities! Well done Craig though on first touch goal scoring!

Off to Roh & Andy’s tonight for dinner and to watch the rugby.  GeT round there – and my old friend tiredness arrives – but this is almost embarrassing – I can’t literally keep my eyes open – I just drift off mid sentence and then sort of come too a minute or 2 later – I can’t watch the rugby, or even have a conversation.  It is like someone just flicks a switch on and off on your brin and you are there then you’re not.  So sorry guys.  Sort of watch a distorted game – as in I only seem to se bits of it and they have already to ma played 3 halves!!! Trying to have a conversation is near impossible. I manage to wake just before dinner thankfully, as in as quick as it starts with you falling asleep like this you go the opposite – the batteries are full the brain goes on and nothing has happened.  This is what it is like when I say the energy plug gets pulled – you just shutdown – mentally, and physically.  The brain decides its break time so close down – so if I happen to be talking to you or visiting and just nod off – it’s not your company – it’s my body & brain just saying rest time sonny!

We head home about 10:15 as the boys are off to What Now thanks to the Cancer Society in the morning so have a 6am start to get them ready to have them at the studio by 7:15am.  I have M&D time then try to fix Sue’s laptop – but keep falling asleep so it is taken off me before I drop it and I’m sent to bed too  – guess I didn’t sleep enough at Roh & Andy’s before – mind you it has for me been a big physically draining day.  So that’s about it – not a lot today – standard footy day.

Hope all have had a great day/evening/ Saturday and are fit and well.  Have a brilliant weekend all!

Kia Kaha.

T Day = 12 (Adjuvant chemoradiation) – 20 Radiation & 30 Chemo to go this round.

Well not the best of sleeps one could say. The steroids reduction is meaning that the pain in the head (the steroids help with the swelling of the brain from the tumors, radiation & chemo to ease pain), is back – though not to bad so I can do this.  Lay semi awake listening to the sounds from about 3:30am of the broken city repairing – there is a lot of work going on out there repairing things under the cover of darkness. Even have a quirky sounding little shake go through and the house makes a sound similar to that of knuckles getting cracked! – Very odd but intriguing.  Not wanting to get up before at least 5am I have a think about what David (fellow fighter against Cancer) and I were talking about last night, add the power of the positive attitude that you take to the fight.  I have said from the start that I am going to fight this as long and hard as I can as I have the same result at the end off the day (actually we all have the same result at the end of the day) – just some will get there sooner. I have been told its terminal – but they can’t tell me when or how long cause they don’t exactly know and medical guys don’t always back themselves – well – that is in a way fantastic, cause it means that I will set my own bloody goal of how long I will be hanging around tis place  – as tough as it will be some times – thanks not what the medical people presume will be a good time line.  Hope this makes sense in a way.  To use the phrase that David has said to me (and I love) – This Cancer will NOT define me, I will define this Cancer.  In other words I didn’t ask for these 3 bastard things in my head that are now getting their fair deal of treatment – so therefor they can just learn to adjust with how I life from now on, and if it means they have rough days from wanting to stop them growing more than they’ll have to deal with it.  Yes – you could say I am now make it a personal battle against a physical part of me which is a little screwed up in a way – but it is how I see it as  away of coping an dealing to them.  It is like when I am laying there in Radiation and the high pitch buzz starts on the tumors – I’m visualising each of the tumors in turn getting their unwanted little asses heated up one at a time – that’ll learn’em.  Then the best one is when they do the multi point zap on the big bugger, and it gets a bigger buzz, and full noise – that’ll learn it to get to 3cm before showing something wrong.  But it doesn’t stop with the radiation – there are 3 Chemo pills I take everyday – 1 large one, and 2 small – again take them visualise as 3 bombs for the tumors ass – they can’t escape.

I got given some sad news to today – the work colleague that I mentioned earlier in the week that I had taken over the role in Southland from passed over yesterday 17 May – RIP Graham.  GIven me a bit to think about now in away as the coincidences between what’s happened with us is close.  Regards to Liz, and family.  Another person lost to this indiscriminate sickness. I also got a call from MIchelle Frisby at the Southland Times – was lovely to catch up and fill her in on all that’s happening and what they are doing to me, etc.  Also a sad day alround for the Southland TImes print staff as tonight they run off their last copy of the Times from the Esk Street site.  Form MONday it will be printed at The Otago Daily TImes in Dunedin.

Radiation goes smoothly today and the boys come in to see how the setup is done and how I get locked into the machine by the mask – then zapped.  They ask lots of questions and take it all in – helps them with the understanding of what happens when  I get done which is good for them.  Then meet quickly with Sharon from the Cancer Society, through them the boys have been asked to go on What Now this Sunday – fantastic, both are buzzing.  And the best bit is they get to go through the challenge after the show so have been told to wear older clothes!  Sounds like it’s going to be huge fun!!!

Off to school now with them.  I doze off while driving as the radiation has really taken it out of me today – drain plug is out!!!  FInally get home and I potter around before crashing for about 45 mins rest.  DIscovered a new side effect to – my blood is turning as thin as water as I get  little cut and it bleeds like a mad thing for about 5 mins – ahh – no!!!!  I used to have thick blood and stop bleeding instantly!

Go out to get a DVD to watch tonight and find some sideline warm boots for Sue to watch the boys play footy in that’ll stop chilblains, and keep your feet dry.  Walk into Columbia in Dresmart – 5 min later leave with the perfect pair – never had shopping luck like that!. Then home to take it easy.  Need to head for another nap soon I think as fading again   FInd Karl has visited and left some veges from his garden and a Quiche – yummy!  Sorry we missed you Karl – will catch up soon.

DVD’s are good – watch Hugo (well I saw the start and end and slept for about 1 1/2 of it!) with Lachlan & Sue as Jacob is out partying at a school disco.  Then Sue and I watch Friends with Benefits – very funny.  The energy has wained again – head hurting bugger it so heading to bed and sleep. M&D time now folks. 

BTW – Did you see the story about our new building too and the island they have created for us in the Red Zone to get to it – http://www.stuff.co.nz/the-press/news/6946852/The-Press-is-returning-to-CBD

Have an awesome weekend and brilliant day/evening/morning.

Kia Kaha.

T Day = 11 (Adjuvant chemoradiation) – 21 Radiation & 31 Chemo to go this round.

Another fantastic sleep and waking refreshed – long may this continue! Not sure what it is – the resting during the day, or the knowing that I’ve got to rest to get the maximum benefit from the treatment or it could be the decrease in steroids.  The brain is actually shutting down – well of sorts. Will explain in a second.  Still have the waking in tears for no reason moments – which fascinates the hell out of me cause I realise what is happening yet there is no emotion or feeling attached to the action  the body is performing.  So it makes me wonder what deep in my subconscious is triggering this – what feeling, emotion or the like is bringing on such a flood – I’m not talking a trickle here its the eyes are pouring out.  All very strange  – might do a bit of side research into it actually as intriguing.

Heading into the new building again today – it is very handy having it so close.  They just need to install a bed for me to crash at when I’m tired   Jono collects me and we meet Bernard in there.   Busy morning – but feeling great still – I’m liking this feeling!  Actually feeling calmer and more settled within myself – which mentally is making me more relaxed – so I’m starting to find a new inner me island – scary!!!  Off to treatment – the radiation robot in my treatment room is fixed so back to normal surroundings but a different team and they have to take a CT SCan today – which takes a little longer. They use a different neck brace to normal which I think is higher it certainly doesn’t feel the same anyway, and th mask is very, very tight today.  Grit my teeth through it and manage to keep breathing with out panicking.  Though at the end I feel very uncomfortable a and wornout.. The 8:50 fry up was now at 2:30 – bit of a mare for the logistics of kids home from school, me hospital, etc, but it’s done.  Home then for  a nap as I do find that within and hour or 2 of the zapping it is starting to drain me.

Quiet evening – arvo all round – nice way to wind out the day.  Do some house work – cook tea.  Have  a quick chat to the lovely Jo Knudsen & get a call from an inspirational man – David Will – whom is also battling cancer. It is nice to talk to someone else whom is facing a similar journey.

All in all folks a short and sweet day – much hopefully like our Thursdays too. Blogged early too – how efficient! Grief I might go to bed early and aim to get 7-8 or even 9 hours sleep – may as well try to set new sleep records seen as I’ve been told too.  M&D time.

Have an awesome evening/day/arvo all.

Kia Kaha.