3 Too Many

“Strength is a matter of the made-up mind.” – John Beecher

Fairly good sleep, and wake up at 6am feeling good, no real pain and ready to go.  Lay there thinking about getting up when a small 3.2 rudely interrupts the peace.  Right, so Mother Nature is encouraging me to get up t and head down to the gym.  Need to get fit again for the Masters so no day to start, than today.  Manage to do 15mins on the spin bike and 20mins with the weights.  Feel good for doing so.  Nice way to start the day.  Have a wee bit to eat for breakfast as feeling a bit nauseous today. Then get ready for work.

Off to work, and to see my happy colleagues.  Jono is back today after 1 weeks holiday in Fiji.  He has brought me a  present – some Kava, which is meant to be good for people with cancer.  Thanks Jono – will plan a Kava session for us.  Could do one at work – I’m sure that would be a really productive day at work – not!  Have a good day – busy with work.  Manage to keep going until 4pm.

Then head off for home.  Have to walk a bit of extra distance this time as they have closed Gloucester Street for 4 weeks while they demo Farmers Car Park.  Doing well, feeling good and get to Tuam Street, then it hits.  Pain! Not just a little pain, a lot of complete body pain at a level of about 7-8.  It actually stopped me in my steps, and was taking my breath away.  Take a moment to grit my teeth and decide to keep moving.  make it about another 400 meters down the road and decide I need to be picked up.  Call Sue who I find out then is walking with the boys to meet me half way – though they are still another 2.5kms away.  They do a quick U-turn and head back home to collect the car.  I keep walking slowly as it is less painful than standing still.  Everything is hurting – it is bizarre.  Well the only thing not hurting ironically is my head.  Make it down to by the Netball Centre near the Moorhouse / Hagley Ave corner, and have to call it quits.  I can’t really take another step, and with the way I am feeling it is to dangerous to consider crossing that intersection safely.  Got to think of self preservation.  Stand there for another 15-20 mins waiting for Sue.  Lachlan sends a couple of cheeky texts saying they are going to BK on the way so will be a little later – bloody toad.  Have a laugh with him later about it.  Get home and can’t decide if I want to vomit or roll around in pain.  Take some pain killers and heat up teh wheat bag – need a whole body one really!  Still managed to walk 3.5kms.

Manage to have some dinner, though not a lot as feel lousy. At least it’s something.  Finish dinner then promptly fall alseep.  Wake about 1 1/2 hours later with Jacob snuggled into me.  Still hurting but can shuffle around more freely than earlier.  This is just really weird.  Take more pain killers then my really good ones, and head to the electric blanket and bed.  Hopefully I’ll wake up feeling better and not hurting.  The way the pain hit has got me baffled.  It is literally like a switch was flicked and wham!!  Instant agony.  I have a fairly good pain tolerance, so it takes a bit to stop me in my tracks, but tumours won this round!  Dirty fighters.  So tomorrow will gym, then bike home – not walk.  Take 2 at getting fitter, and I will win!  Right bed and electric blanket calling me.  Hope all have had a great day/arvo/evening.  Take care.

Kia Kaha.

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever.”
― Alfred Tennyson

Look what a 2am start does for!  I’ve already started into the blog as the brain is in hyper mode and aching all over so are restless, therefore I am just not sleepy.  I’ve read all the news I care to take in and played the games I can be bothered with, read some of my book but it is not even working it’s magic.  Trying Milo and Lavender sleep spray now, as its to late to use a sleeping pill unless I want to kiss Sunday goodbye.  If none of this works, then I’ll give up and stay up.  Might re-image (load a new operating system) the tablet for something to do. Head back to bed about 5:30 and manage to ‘sleep’ until 7:30.  Then doze until about 8:30. 

Need to get up as taking the boys into Ice-Fest in Hagley Park with Roh and the girls, to do some ice skating.  They open at 10 and apparently it is best to get there early as the ice is good and it is not crowded.  Rush around, meds, breakfast and shower, then into car and off.  Get to Hagley Park and not to busy.  Awesome sunny warm morning too.  Kids get skates, I get coffee’s.  Have good 2 hours in the sun reading the paper, while the kids enjoy the skating.  Head off at 12 as getting really busy and we’re off to the footy this arvo.  Kids all had a great time which was the main thing.

Get home and have lunch and do some chores before heading off to the Phoenix vs Wanderers match at AMI Stadium.  Baggas kindly gave us tickets to the game after he won them.  The radio station then gave him some more after he said he was giving them to us.  KIndness all round.  Thanks Baggas.  Good game that ends in a 1-1 draw.  Boys have fun and we see lots of people we know (it is Christchurch after all).  Head off home then.

Get home and have a game of swing-ball with the boys.  All fun and games until I walk into a shot by Jacob and cop the ball in the corner of the eye/nose.  I’ve taught the boys well – they just laugh their heads off and call me a Muppet!  Toads!! Jacob suggests it could be a way of scaring the Mofo’s out, by bashing them out. Thank fully no obvious injury so won’t have to explain it to anyone. Have sit in the sun on the patio with a Bourbon – got to indulge in a little drop occasionally for medicinal purposes you know

Decide we’re too tired to cook so group concense on Chinese.  I decide to walk to get it as I could do with a stretching of the legs.  Hurry, scurry off up the road and return after a successful hunting outing with food a plenty to satisfy all.  Good hunter I am -ugg!

Round the boys up and off to bed.  Watch some crappy tv and do the blog.  Iron shirts and shorts for Jacob and I for the week, then off to bed to read for a bit and hopefully sleep, else I’ll be totally buggered by tomorrow.  Going to start back into the gym tomorrow as need to try to get fit for the SI Masters which is in 3 weeks time.  No pressure – I’m sure I can get myself ready enough – I think!   W&D time, then snooze-land.  Hope all have had an enjoyable and fun weekend and are ready to tackle the week ahead.  Till tomorrow – sleep well, keep safe and have fun.

Kia Kaha.

“Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to,
when all they need is one reason why they can” ― Martha Graham

Fairly decent sleep for once, with only a couple of awakenings that I remember.  Manage to sleep until 8:30 and wake with the head free of pain but the body is hurting.  More so, the joints are all hurting Bugger.  Get up and do my little old man routine of shuffling around.  Go and take my morning meds and have a couple of pieces of toast.  The nausea has been under control some what the past 2-3 days and I am forcing myself to eat things when I can so at least I have fuel in the tank which is helping.  Need to pick up the pace getting ready, as we need to be at English Park for the Mainland Football Prizegiving, as Lachlan’s team won their division and are getting their trophy and certificates.

Get our act together and leave about 15 minutes later than we should have.  Get there and wait for the presentation, all done, off home again then.  Last footy act of the season.  Get home and get lunch ready as Dylan, Carla, Lars and Halen in town are coming over for a visit and lunch.  Sue prepares a pretty awesome spread, yum.  Dylan, Carla and family turn up and we have a great catch up, enjoyable lunch and go for a wander up to the park to kick a ball around.  They head off about 4:30.  It was fantastic to see you all and meet the new addition to the family. Halen is very cute.

SIt down for a bit a s we’re heading out tonight for dinner at the Booths, and I’m hurting all over, so need some meds (steriods again) and a sit down.  I have basically resigned myself to the fact that I may need to take steriods constantly now.  Which if is the case then I am going to have to work out how to control the brain storming and the appetite – hang on, the nausea takes care of the appetite, just got to deal to the brain storming in the middle of the night.  Just thinking of that, I might know a way – drink enough Jim Black and it cures all.  Right will try it, maybe not tonight though.  Decide to start work on the blog seen as we’re out tonight and it might be late when we get home.  Can’t disappoint the punters! 

Get ourselves ready and walk to the Booth’s.  Having a busy weekend so far.  I’ll be needing a rest by Monday!   Have a great fun evening catching up seen as I haven’t seen Greg or Wendy for about 5 weeks.  Loved the Curry Dude.  And the Choc Mudcake was awesome Kayla.  And a couple of Juim Black SMall Batch goes down well too.  Not a late night either as wearing down and aching everywhere. Sorry guys  Walk home then and take my evening doses then head for bed and rest.  Been contemplating taking a sleeping tablet but don’t want to ruin Sunday so resist it.  Hope everyone else has had a fun and fantastic day.  Anything exciting to report out there?  Right off to bed time now.  Keep cool till after school!  Catch ya tomorrow.

Kia Kaha.

“Each choice we make causes a ripple effect in our lives. When things happen to us, it is the reaction we choose that can create the difference between the sorrows of our past and the joy in our future.” — Chelle Thompson

5:30 waking, but I don’t really mind as feeling in a better frame of mind and place than yesterday.  Watching the ceiling, passing time thinking about doing/finishing Thursdays blog, but decide better of it as don’t want to risk changing the mood back down again.  I decide that Thursday is the past and it will not be revisited.  Manage to doze off again until about 6:30.  Sue makes a cup of tea for me – such novelty.  Get up then and get ready for the day.  Downstairs for the morning meds – head is a bit sore, but back on the new pain killer again and it seems to be going OK so far.  Body and joints are aching though, so panadol, to help take care of that.

Off to the office then.  Relaxed atmosphere at work, and have a good day.  Watch the big demolition nibbler – aptly named twinkle toes, eat away at the Price Waterhouse building.  It is very impressive, like a giant preying mantis chomping its way through some fresh prey.  I will try to get a photo of what it is like, as I have a prime view from my desk.  There has to be some perks to working next to the Red Zone.

Head off about 1:15 as tiring.  Seem to have a ‘phase’ of tiredness hit from about 1-7:30 at night.  I can just sit and sleep – no warning really, just wham and gone!  Got to work on how to get over it.  Mum comes over about 2 for a visit as I haven’t seen her in about 3 weeks.  Baggas and Yvonne stop over too, to drop off some tickets to the Phoenix footy game on Sunday.  And Yvonne has made a quilt for us too.  Incredible work.  Thank you so much.  Thanks Mum too for visiting.

Boys get home.  Have a bit of a catch up on the day.  Then have a lay down as knackered.  Wake about an hour later, feeling more tired.  Just need to get moving again, I think.  Jacob gets me a wheat bag as my neck and shoulders are sore – just deep nagging pain.  Need to shake it as has going to Craig’s for F&C for tea.

Been thinking about yesterdays little explosion of feelings.  Everyone has bad days, and I’m no different.  I think that it is just that if I do have a bad day I need to explain or justify the reasons why.  Yes head hurts – when doesn’t it?  It is the way it is now – pain is just normal.  In fact I would be worrying more if I didn’t feel any, anywhere.  Moods are allowed to change to.  I’m not going to be happy and cheery everyday, though I will put on the face that I feel I need too, to mask the real me of the day.  Some days I can’t expl;ain what or why I feel like I do, but hey, I have 3 mofo’s doing strange shit inside my head, pressing in places that make you do things.  It’s only going to get worse, unfortunately.  I’m ready for it.  Are you?  Have another side ways shift happen too.  Getting used to these again, now.  But on the plus side, I’m here, alive and well except the obvious, and still functioning normally (OK my normal).  Lets just enjoy it while I’m here and not analyse it.

Had a good cruisy night with Craig, Ben and Matt – Cheers Gents.  Get home and sore again – uggghh!!  Story of my life really.  So there you have the day in a nutshell.  Hope all have had a great day/arvo/evening and are ready for a fantastic weekend.  W&D time and sleep.

Kia Kaha.

“People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.” – Lewis Cass

 Crappy sleep, crappy head, not in a good mood or place.  Hurting and just want the night to start again so I can actually get some rest.  Sick of this cancer crap, and the drugs to ‘ease’ it as they do more bloody damage than the problem itself.  Not in the mood for been overly social today too, but heading into the office so will put on my happy face for them.  Get up and face the day – blah!  Do I have to do anything at all today?  Neck is sore like I’ve been hit from behind. Go and manage to have some breakfast – I am force feeding myself so that at least I have something in my tum, and it seems to hold off the nausea a bit too.

Off to the office after missing yesterday in there due to the side effects of the new pain killers.  Pick up where I left off.  Day drags on – to the point I check that my watch hasn’t stopped!  Just want to fast forward today.

And there we have most of Friday before the website crashed and took everything away – gggrrr!!!  Thankfully that happened as I was on the way to a very negative horrible rant really.  Sorry I didn’t get the blog updated later on, but hey, that’s how it is.  For your sanity it was a good thing. 

Anyhow, hope all had a great Thursday.  WIll try to get Friday’s blog up ion a timely fashion.

Kia Kaha.

“Don’t confuse your path with your destination, just because it’s stormy now doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine” – Unknown

Well yesterday I was heralding the new pain-killer.  Today I am cursing its side effects!  I started suffering the effects just after I finished last nights blog.  I won’t go into the detail of them but I spent a very painful, uncomfortable and awake night.  It wasn’t until later this morning that I started to come/feel right again, well sort of.  Very tired and restless, so working from home.  Actually hard to concentrate too.

Have only the essential drugs today, as trying to purge all but what’s needed out of the system.  Time to start sort of clean – if you like a detox for the body.  Even eat ‘healthy’ food today – what I can eat that is.  Very slow day as not comfortable.  Have a Panadol to keep the head at bay. 

Sue gets home about 2:30 and I have had enough for the day.  She heads off again to do school road patrol, so I head for bed and a sleep in the sun as feeling like absolute crap.  Wake again about 5:30 as cold.  Head is a lot worse now.  Seems that sleep is not the best cure always.  Back downstairs to the Panadol again.  Find dinner ready to go so turn it on.  Sue and Jacob get home not long after and take over the dinner cooking.  Feeling lousy as I have all day.

Dinner and watch tv, but that doesn’t go well as I fell asleep again.  Only a half hour this time, but not feeling good.  Revive enough to do the blog then, some more real pain killers and bed as I can’t face anymore of today now. It has been a long drawn out day of feeling lousy.

So sorry, short and sweet today.  Not a lot to report on, apart from been poorly.  Hope all have a had a better day and are on top of the world.  Take care, till tomorrow.

Kia Kaha.

“Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you are alive, it isn’t.” – Richard Bach

Sleep – who needs sleep?  I don’t think I managed a full hours sleep at all last night.  Every hour, awake!  Damn near on the hour too.  And I was in a foul mood most of the time I woke so probably best that no one could bear the brunt of it.  It was just really rather odd.  I don’t think that it is the new drugs (more on them soon).  The good thing is that by the time I did wake ready for the day, the badness has passed and a ‘mellower’ me has woken up (peace man) – well not that mellow!  The new drugs – yes these are wonderful long-lasting pain killers.  Where were they from the start!  Take 2 a day and they seem to have most things under control – well I say that so far after 3 of them, but based on the fact that I woke for the first time in quite a while with no significant pain, and the head is not hurting really either.  I am to take these new pain killers along with my Panadol but to drop off the high strength short-term ones that I am to take if the pain breaks through.  Get up and make a cuppa tea – really just habitual now I guess, as I can’t drink hot drinks because of the taste.  Take my morning entrée of meds, but minus my Panadol.  Going to do a little testing of the new drug.  I can always take it if need be.  And take my dreaded steroids  

Get ready for work and head off via Jacob and Lachlan school’s then me to do my wander to the office through demolition central.  Nice spring morning – fresh cool air, sun is shining.  It is enlivening and gives you a good start to the day – well that’s how I like it.  Get into the office and the smiley faces of my colleagues.  Another busy day ahead.  Go downstairs and get a cheese scone from the cafe – I have an appetite! I actually want to eat food, and have no sign of nausea.  Bernard and I go for a walk into the Re:Start mall at lunch time and I get a pottle of hot chips – just felt like it, I know not the best food for me, but hell it’s too late to say it’s going to kill me eat rubbish food   (sorry black humour – I’m allowed to say that).  Again no nausea and I wanted to eat.  Really wondering if the steroids, even at such a low dose, are winning the appetite war against the nausea.  Or is it the taking of only 1 Panadol today (normally would have taken 4) ?  Nothing else has changed otherwise.

Head off as have an appointment on the way home.  Then pickup the boys from school.  All get home and get on with work, etc.  Have dinner – yet another meal, no struggle or problems.  This is really odd.  I have had a small but consistent food intake today and feel great. Tired but great.  Will skip the Panadol again before bed and just have my new drug.  Need to get some answers about this, as it is like I have stumbled on the right drug regime for me – for now.  palliative pain management for my palliative Chemo treatment. Mind you watch this space tomorrow, as we all know, it can change in a matter of hours and I might be downhill again by then.

The only guarantee is there is no guarantees’.  The other odd thing, not sure if others ever have or had this happen before, but it is like the whole world slips sideways.  Sorry I’ll make that clearer, well try too.  You are sitting there and it suddenly feels as if you are tipping or moving quickly to the side, to the point that you grab on to something to steady yourself and when you garb something it is like you are still moving.  Probably like been on a rocking boat or something.  But it takes a few seconds of light-headedness before you come right again.  I have experienced this many times and prior to the diagnosis.  I have been trying to trace back how long actually as it is probably/possibly related to the Mofo’s and their weird little traits.  Anyway now that I’ve given you an insight into the strange happenings in my mind, I shall bore you again with ramble That’ll learn yah!   Let me know if you’ve had oddities like that happen as I hate the uniqueness that I already have with the 50 or so in the world odds.

Quiet evening otherwise. Upgrade a cellphone, do blog, wait for world slips watch crappy tv, and contemplate going to bed to read, as the sleep monster is creepy around.  W&D time, no Panadol, just my wonderful new drug   Have a good evening/day/arvo and let me know about any mind slips you may have – just curious

Oh also – Wilson is still there and even now has his own permitted parking space on my desk …

Wilsons permitted parking space on my desk – well used to be Farmers Carpark but they’re tearing that down at the moment.

Kia Kaha.

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot

5:55 and the ceiling is looking – well, like a ceiling! Have some quiet time thinking about things before the alarm goes at 6:30.  It was 6 months yesterday since I found out that I had these MoFo’s.  Can you believe it – 6 bloody long months!  Oh how much has changed in that time – for everyone.  I could make plans, was looking forward to a great footy season, feeling really good and healthy, and words like cancer, chemo, radiation were what other people were going through.  Don’t get me wrong, I was not immune to the impact of the illness.  In this past 6 months I have had to attend a funeral, and accept that 5 more people are no longer with us because of their battles ending.  Also I was thinking about how I didn’t let the emotion of Jacob’s birthday get the better of me on his day.  I stayed positive that I would be there to see more and I have to stop this clocking down of events.  Instead I have to see them as the step forward in time they are.  Jacob has become a teenager – wahoo (well of sorts).  It is a milestone I am so pleased to have seen.  Now to Lachlan – 20 months to go!! 

Get up about 6:45 to make a cuppa tea (don’t actually know why I bother now as it tastes so yuck that I never drink more than a couple of sips).  Then get ready for the day.  Nausea is at work, and I really feel that I need to try to eat something, so give in to having a liquid meal.  Hold nose, drink fast through a straw, then jump around like a weirdo as it tastes like nails – yuck. 

Off to work in the pea-soup fog.  Small crew at the office today, but doesn’t stop it been a light-hearted day.  Got to make work fun.  Head off about 2:15 via the hospital to collect a couple of prescriptions that I need.  Yeah I know, I need more drugs!  Well this is only 1 more.  The others are repeats.  Sue picks me up by the hospital and has Jacob already, as he banged his head this morning at school and wasn’t feeling well.  Then we go to get Lachlan as he is on the way home.  There is a storm bearing down on us too.  Go via the chemist to get the scripts filled, and the storm hits just as we’re about to leave.  Glad I didn’t decide to walk home in that.  Head home and light the fire, then sit down for 5mins, and doze off   Wake in time for dinner, which Jacob has cooked for us.  Yes I managed to eat a meal – not a big one by my standards, but I at least managed something.  I then fall back to sleep – really!!!  Nutty and Fridge come over then for a coffee a natter.  Have a good yarn and a few laughs.  Nice to see you guys.  Thanks for stopping over. 

Get tomorrows dinner ready in the slow cooker.  Then blog time and, back to W&D as Milo is not good tasting stuff.  Have terrible acid too so now burning up internally.  Oh well I’ll head to bed and try to sleep it off.  Night or good morning folks.  Take it as this finds you during a part of your day.  Take care and be good (it is only just over 3 months till Xmas and the big guy is watching if you’re naughty or nice).

Kia Kaha.

“Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.” – Thomas Fuller

Sleep – lots of it! Party?  What party? Pain?  What pain?  Nausea – well that’s there still, but managed to have a minimally restless sleep.  Probably just so bloody tired, and the drugs from Friday still lurking in my system.  Get up and make a cup of tea, load up on meds and go back to bed to read for a bit.  Told ya the book Scotty gave me was good!  Thanks again Man Sue gets up and goes to meet Wendy to walk the dogs.  I stay put for another hour – may as well enjoy a lay in of sorts.

Drag myself up eventually and get ready to face the day.  Odd frame of mind today.  Can’t put my finger on it, but feel good and not so good at the same time.  OMG – my brain is operating in 2 halves now!!  Ahhh – that’s maybe why I slept all night.  Maybe I’ll take on special powers now – super fast maths, or a photographic memory – actually everyone has one but some never have loaded the film.  Or I might be able to read people’s minds – no, that would be terrible, cause I have enough crap swirling around in my head without taking on more.  Or maybe I could just have a half brain lobotomy and see how I go.  Right now back to reality folks – you are leading me astray.

Do some domestic chores and then have lunch – well try to have lunch.  Even Cheese puffs (my favourites) are not going down well.  Damn you Chemo, Damn you brain tumours! Thanks Sue and Lachie for making them. Talk about how to spoil things completely.  Nausea is rearing its ugly head again.  The only benefit is that I’m now down to 86.7kgs and fit the clothes comfortably that I used to wear back in March.  Back to the cheese puffs and orange juice.  I can’t even drink a whole glass of juice – this really sucks.  Have a few passes with the rugby ball with the boys.  Haven’t done that for a while.

Dad turns up to get me to fix his phone, and Sue and Jacob head off to the skate park.  I give Dad another phone to use and Lachie gives him driving lessons – well speed driving lessons as it is a touch screen phone and Dad has never used one before.  Lachlan is miles ahead of Dad and saying to him to hurry up!  Dad leaves then happy – and a bit more enlightened as to how to use a smart phone.  Well I think he is. Amazing how much kids take to technology these days, probably also helpful that I’m in IT and the boys have been brought up around these things.

Lachie and I then have a game of football in the backyard, until I call it quits in pain. Thankfully the boys have become quite understanding about when I have to stop.  We go on for a while longer then really have to stop.  We do some repairs then on the outdoor table.  Nice time had just the 2 of us.  I think Lachie enjoyed it too – especially seen as he had a spanner in his hand and was been very helpful.

Sue and Jacob arrive home.  I lay down for a rest as sore and uncomfortable with nausea.  I wake about 1 & 1/2 hours later as dinner is ready.  Hhmm, well, yes – vege stir fry (not a big fan most of the time with veges).  Manage to eat a small amount even with the bribe of Apple Pie for dessert wasn’t enough to make me eat it all.  Nausea wins again.

Watch some tv and do the blog.  Then it’s going to be an attempt to have a Milo and my Drugs nightcap.  M&D time again.  Then to bed and my book.  Work tomorrow.  Hope all have had a lovely, enjoyable and social weekend.  Take care and may you have a fantastic week.

Kia Kaha.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

Well the steroids have done their usual thing – very restless sleep with the brain buzzing at 10 to the dozen.  Mange to get to sleep about 12:30 but wake at 12:50 thinking that I’ve been asleep for a few hours – wrong!  Struggle to go back to sleep again.  Getting up about 8 feeling 1000 times better than yesterday.  Just in the usual strange places in my head. Not grumpy, just p’eed off with things.  Don’t get me started though.  Get ready and round-up the boys as we are going to the Adrenalin Forrest at Spencer Park for Jacob’s birthday. 

Borrow the Booth’s car – thanks muchly Wendy & Greg.  Go and collect the appropriate children and head off.  Adrenalin Forrest is a challenge/confidence course of 6 levels through the trees, where you climb high wires and go down flying foxes up to 17 metres in the air. All the boys do to level 4 but Jacob wants to keep going and does level 5.  Each level gets harder and higher, but he did a fantastic job and completed it with no issues.  We will go back some time when I’m more up to it and all do it again as Jacob wants to do level 6 next.  They are also putting in another level – Jacob’s eyes lit up when he heard that.  Eventually leave about 3 and a half hours later.  See the pics at the bottom of the blog.

Home for lunch – American Hotdogs and potato chips, lollies and drink.  Joh calls for a catch up – have a good natter – thanks Joh.  Don’t have any lunch as have a terrible metal taste in my mouth, like I’ve been sucking on nails.  Kids suitably full of food.  Sue is taking them to the skate park next so they can ‘hang at Wash’ (Wash is short for Washington Way skate park). Lachie and I stay at home by the fire.  He has a sore ankle and I am hurting a lot so best place for us.

Sue and the boys – minus those getting dropped home, the arrive home.  I make a start on the blog for today seen as I’ve only really given brief ones lately.

Going back to the sleeplessness and as we know the stuff that flies around in my head, I though it might be fun to share some of it.  Also I never finished with the empathising have been given a terminal illness life expectancy.  Anyone done what I said too?  How did you go with it?  Has it prompted and difference in how you see the world?  Has it got you thinking about what your priorities are?  Would you write a bucket list or things to sort out list?  Or both?  These are things that you need to consider.  What sort of treatment options will you be given – and how will you face them?  While you can do them, there sometimes has to be a time when you have to call time on them as the benefit from them compared to the hell you are being dealt just out weighs the other. Can you take a knock down pick a type of life – what I mean is that no 2 days are the same and while you are full of energy one day you may be digging deep to even get up the next.  Your mental state can change in seconds too – by that I mean you can go from angry to happy to depressed, to elated.  This is very common in terminal patients and not just those with brain tumours.  It is because so many things are happening that you sometimes can’t cope with all the emotions and what they bring.  Somedays too you just want to stay away from the world, others you just need a hug or a kind or a positive word to get through the day.  Right well that’s enough of that waffle for today.

Quiet evening really watch tv and the rugby. Then M&D time and bed, to see if I can get some sleep.  The youngsters next door are having a 21st so I don’t think that even if I do go to sleep it won’t be restful!  Fingers crossed I do.  Still if I don’t then that is just the way it is.  Hope have had an enjoyable and relaxing Saturday.

Kia Kaha.

Jacob determined to make it!!!