3 Too Many

“When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.’ ” – Author Unknown

Howdy folks. Another day, another day. Been awake since 4:30 ish thinking about things as you do.  Was actually thinking of doing a bit of an adjustment to last nights blog, as I think I may have come across a bit wrong with how I’m feeling regarding the MRI results.  I am happy with the results saying the brakes are on, and that I’ve been given extra time – I guess I may not have conveyed that clearly though.  I guess it is just the other side of me been a realist too.  But I will leave it at that. Drag myself out of bed then and get ready for work as feeling better than yesterday and feel I can face the world – so it’s off to the office we go.  Hi Ho!!

Steady day, but nice to be back at the office and have some company. Have fatigue levels bouncing all over the show too so doing well by all standards really.  Won’t mention head or nausea as all standard for the treatment.  Head home to rest up about 1:15 today.  Need it as not running brilliantly now. Typical though, I rally again which is handy as Alex drops by for a coffee and a visit.  Good to see you man.  Hi Vicki too

Had a couple of times today people say that they don’t understand what it is like or how capable I am of doing things.  Well, I used to have an excessive amount of energy, to the point that I would capably drive people nuts cause I couldn’t sit still.  Now to make it through a day let alone an hour (at the moment) without wanting or needing to sit down is a point of personal celebration.  The head pain tires you, the need to work harder to control Wilson tires you, the struggle to actually be able to breath properly at times (yep weird side effect where my left lung just doesn’t seem to take in a full breath) tires you, nausea feelings and of course the lack of food input doesn’t help with trying to maintain energy levels, looking through a blurry left eye is tiring, then comes the fatigue beast which just hits you out of the blue on top of it all – yep I can just take on the world with my little finger and win right now.  Sorry, that is horribly sarcastic and unfair.  But from where and who I was 5 months ago to now is poles apart.  I know I have to find ways to build on the good days/hours I have and will have to be more in tune with myself to do this so have been thinking tonight about how I have to refocus my energy and how I can do that, even while undergoing chemo else it is going to be a very long 6 months of more treatment, and I better be fit and ready to enjoy the extension time that all this is bringing – as that is part of the deal I have with the devil.  As I was reminded today of a quote given to me early on by a fellow cancer fighter, David – “I will define this cancer, this cancer will not define me” – which was quite apt timing really given it is the last night of treatment for this round.  So take a bow and thank you, thank you, thank you for reminding me  – I had lost my mantra.  I have always told others to suck it up princess – well I am from tomorrow going to do that myself.  As tough as it’s going to get starting tomorrow – Wednesday 15 August – I am going to start back in the gym, regain control of Wilson, and get myself back in fit order as the fitter I am the better I will feel and therefore the more I can do through been fitter and haha healthier, the more I will end up enjoying everything in the end.

So there’s the depths of an arvo/evening thinking.  M&D time done – just pain killers about to finish the evening now and bed, as I have an early start with my weights, and spin bike.  So good night, good day whatever it maybe where you’re reading this.  Till the morrow – take care.

Kia Kaha.