3 Too Many

Day 2 of 23 treatment free.

 A sleep in of such today – didn’t wake till 5:30. Get up at 6am as there is only so much ceiling staring you can do and a cuppa tea is calling.  No real notable pain either so staying off the pain killers if I can help it.  Also the head is clear and thinking fairly straight.  And nausea – we will wait before judgement on that as it usually kicks in mid morning.

I better start really by clarifying a couple of things.  Yep, to say I have been down in the dumps a bit lately, well esp. after this round of Chemo would be true, but it is because I had such a fantastic week prior to it, feeling great and normal to take a plunge from that to very new low is a long way.  If I didn’t put out there how I was going/feeling or dealing with it then it wouldn’t be fair on me or you really esp. as if I see you then you know what possible state I’ll be in.  Yes doing this whole messed up journey is hard – mentally, physically, and emotionally – not just on me but on everyone that is connected in some way.  The sad fact of life I am also finding is that there is far to many people who have to support others with or deal to Cancer themselves.  It doesn’t matter how ‘survivable’ the type is, it still messes with you along with the treatments.  That is part of the message – if you like – that I have been trying to get out there – that I have found there is no one book that says you have this type of cancer so you will feel like this, and they will treat you like this, and you will have odds of this.  Really wish that it could be that easy, or even a simple app for the phone but what I have found is that in reality, it is tough – more on those around you generally.  You need to be positive that regardless of the odds – even terminal – that you can still fight it.  The drugs and radiation and surgery are hard.  But again be positive that they will help you and it will make it easier.  But the biggest aid in the fight is the support of everyone around you.  They refresh the positiveness you need some days when you’re down, a simple act of empathy (do not do sympathy unless you have gone through the same ordeal – well for me anyway, as it is a sure way to pee me off) – if you don’t understand the difference then look it up. But also if you are the cancer fighter / survivor then watch at how those around you are going too – they need support too.  Talk about it too – it helps, it hurts, its raw and it is real, but it needs to happen.  You will find new friends and make new connections.  You will also find that you have friends pull away and move from the light into the shadows.  They are still there, just you need to find them some times.  It needs to be accepted that past experiences or the reality of what is happening is too much, or that they just don’t know or feel they have much to offer – or any other reason really.  It is not my place to judge or surmise.  Whatever the case or situation – never give up the fight – and yes I can say that as even though I’m terminal – no chance of recovery or the tumors going into remission – I’m not giving up at all. The treatment I am getting is only going to buy time and some quality by trying to hit the brakes on the tumors growth.  So enough of the deep stuff for the day.  On with the mundane rest of the day.

Get ready for work, no brekky as feeling ill now, and head starting to hurt – knew it would.  Not in a happy mood really, so a fairly quiet ride to work.  Steady day at work.  Bernard, Jono, and I go to re:Start mall to meet Debbie and Aaron for lunch.  Have a good catch up and lunch then head off back.  Sue picks me up and we head to Hoon Hay Road to meet the Council about the new sewerage pump they are putting in.  All agreed on a location and sign our life away.  Then head off to collect Lachlan from school and then home.  Lachie gets ready for footy practice and all 3 head off.  I stay home to do some work – though tiredness is getting a hold of me   Put my feet up for a little bit then try to do some more work.

Make a Stir Fry for dinner and the trio arrive home just at the right time.  Dinner over, time to blog and then rest as the effects of the Chemo are still very much there.  Quiet evening, wait for M&D time then off to bed – hoping that tomorrow is a better day.  Have a great day/evening/arvo all.  Take care.

Kia Kaha.