3 Too Many

Day 16 of 28 Treatment Free.

Only a 5:45am start today – more because of mulling things over than pain or the other crap that goes with this ‘new way’ of living. Yep not in a good head space I guess – but also it is the right head space to be dealing with what I need too.Welcome to Tuesday folks!

I now treat the pain as a bit of a game, in trying to guess what’ll hurt next and how long will it hurt for – sad eh?  Also will it then be cramp or deep pain?  But it helps pass the time before getting up and dealing to it.  If it is bad enough then I will get up and do something immediately, but as I actually don’t like sucking down pills like lollies I try to resist it. Mind racing today too so staring at the ceiling is not going to cut it.  Head downstairs to chill, have a cuppa tea and take time for me to think.  Maybe that’s half the prob – I do think too much.  But then I need to understand so I think about things I then need to research to understand more which leads to thinking more.  But you can never know enough of anything ever, so I guess I haven’t changed in that sense.  The day you stop learning and understanding is the day you start dyeing.

The emotional side seems to be easing some what thankfully.  As it is very tiring and while I have to deal with it, I want to on my terms not when the random shit pops up in my head (already had that happen 3 times) cause of the Steroids.  I guess there are lots that I have to process still about everything – past, present and future.  I mean that I need in my head space I need to be sure that I am settled and will be at peace with everything knowing that not just now but when I’m gone things will be fine. I know I can’t control the later part but it is just to put myself in a good place.  Mind you I intend the later part to be a while away.  In fact as long away as I can make it!!  I have accepted there is so much beyond my control, but there is also so much within my control too, and the right attitude is going to define that more than anything else.  So if you see me slipping into a negative space – just tell me to be positive, if you one of the many that just check occasionally with a txt or email and I need a kick in the pants then give it – cause chances are it maybe the only one I get that day but is all I need. Enough waffle.

Cruisy morning for the boys – the lads watch Mythbusters – no cartoons today else I’d go spare!  I work – while they enjoy a bit of science.  Jacob prepares a morning tea of apples, biscuits and muffins on a little platter for morning tea for us all.  He is a good lad really. Quiet day – fading off and on with energy.  Muster enough up to duck out to drop the boys at a KidsFest trampolining session.  Then off to do a couple of things – pickup a Curried Sausages dinner from Roh (perfect as was going to cook a spag bol but couldn’t be bothered) and then to Deb & Glen’s (Neighbours) to collect mail then back to the boys.  Catch the last 15 mins of their session, and they are doing a good job and having fun – well it seems.  Jacob has found another sport it seems that he wants to take up. 

Home for dinner – thanks Roh.  Then boys to bed.  Quiet evening – on to blog really early as fading off.  Sick of feeling sick and tired and crappy.  No I’m not in a good place but I’ll deal with that.  So signing off now to watch some TV, unwind and hang out until I take my bloody mess me up evening drugs at M&D time then bed.  Already to rise with a cheery smile to face and day – and yes I am been sarcastic!!

Have a great day/evening/arvo all.

Kia Kaha.