3 Too Many

T Day = 15 (Adjuvant chemoradiation) – 19 Radiation & 27 Chemo to go this round.

Woken with a real fog on today after a restless night.  Pain ok, but its woken me –  again.  Another bloody groundhog day Just feel flat.  Maybe it’s just that I know radiation is coming today and that will drain me – got to stop preempting the effects and stay positive.

Had a good thinking session during one of the waking moments in the night – about a conversation I had his last week with someone, on the telling the boys and others about what’s happening to me – not in terms of the terminal side of it – but how I feel I am from the inside to them – anything that I think is changing.  It got me thinking – obviously a bit more about this.  While I say on here and to Sue and others on how I’m going for the day – including the boys, I don’t think I’ve actually said what the view from the inside is now like really 2 weeks into treatment, etc.  Mentally most days is a real foggy mess I can’t think straight, it takes a real effort to get what you know is right out.  The blob on the eye doesn’t help either, as that is a visual impact then on things and when you are not thinking straight that extra bit just is well – bloody annoying! Then there’s the speech – yes it slurs at times usually when I’m tired, or just taken some of the meds. And the best one the instant napping – mid-conversation – yep there – now gone! It is just embarrassing and rude.  But I’m sorry I’m no sure what I can do about it as it is my brain shutting down temporarily apparently and is when it is repairing itself.  Even if I could drive still, I wouldn’t though as I can’t judge speed correctly or distance (as we know from moving the car at Halswell and hitting the barrier).  I would hate to think what alcohol would do to me too!  I can’t do crowds or loud noises too, so stay clear of crowded malls – I can do a supermarket if too busy.  So yep – things have changed a bit.  Hopefully somethings will fade away again once the radiation finishes.

On with the day anyhow – busy one ahead as have radiation at 9am today, then Fletcher’s coming over to do an assessment for the repairs to the house, then Mum is coming to visit and then I have a Chemo Doctor appointment.  Roust the boys about 7am to get them moving.

The radiation wipes me out today – unbelievable – I walk in feeling ok, walk out feeling like the energy drain plug has been pulled and thrown away! And the bloody blood test hurt like hell too. Get in the car and promptly start dozing off asleep – I hardly even make it off the hospital grounds.  Get home and just take it easy as the doctors have said too.  The energy starts to come back slowly.

The Fletcher gents turn up and start their work – I just cruise – they don’t need a dottery half wit following them around the house.  About an hour & half later they come in and go through the process of what will happen from here. All good and the repairs will get put forward to get started.

Mange to grab a nap in the sun then  before Mum turns up for a visit with her friend Flo.  Mum’s birthday tomorrow so they’ve been out for lunch and having a day together – nice.  Good to see Mum so smiley and happy, and not rushing and looking frazzled.  Asked MUm if she will do the radiation run on Wednesday so she can see what they do, etc, as with her work (Nurse Maude) she has folk that get radiation done.

Next duty of the day is the meeting with the Chemo Doctor at the Hospital.  As per usual they are running really late.  The doc is happy with treatment and said basically what the Radiation doc has said about the tiredness and has taken note of the pain in the back /kidneys – but is happy with the pain management plan I have.  My bloods are tracking as per normal too so they are happy about that too – which is great to hear.

Go to get Jacob from a mates place in Prebbelton, then home for tea.  Energy starting to fade again – ggrrr- some days this is just not nice!  Decide to blog early as don’t think I’ll get much done tonight the way I’m going.  And Sue is having a lovely chat with her Aunty Viv – so it keeps me out of trouble and awake – well sort of   Also I have another big day of appointments tomorrow with the hospital too.  So till M&D time folks – keep warm, or cool (depending where you’re reading this) and have a great day/evening/morning.

Kia Kaha.