3 Too Many

So odd sleep really. Had my new magic drug again about mid night as I wasn’t really sleeping/sleepy. I can have it about 3 times a day.  I will explain more about it soon as I think it really deserves its own space. But all up close to 5 hours broken sleep which means I’m feeling brilliant in my health terms.pain has subsided for now, (hate when it hits like last night at the pub) – just barges in without a care and ruins your night. Thanks Fish for dropping me home – just in t the nick of time really. I had been explaining to some of the lads last night about the pain and how it’s not just head (as my brain is selling constantly and that’s why I am on the steroids) but the cruel bit is the body pain. Not just localised either, but the complete works, . Hence I take 4 different pain killers just to get through 4-5 hours per day. I have also now clearly gone from Palliative Chemo (manage to make me comfortable and by time through a structured treatment plan) to just palliative care (manage to keep me comfortable while waiting for the effects to push through more and work on suppressing those pains) with a small side benefit of getting some quality and a wee bit longer. So back to sleep, well it happened in small chunks more last night than the usual little 10 minute nibble that I was getting. I still woke twice with night terrors (sleeping panic attacks for want of a better word or description). I have dreams that are so vivid that I would swear that the people/things happening our in them are real. Most of mine involve been suffocated by the sheets and I have physically ripped these off the bed several times. There is the other mare too of having the insects (imaginary of course) count 1,2,3 and jump all over my legs at once which they think is funny. Little bastards  I do realize that are all in my head too before you to concerned that I need another drink or locking up.

Right magic drug time. This is a formula that Nurse Maude came up with too help Palliative care patients with anxiety relax and core better. All I say is it works!! I had not really realised just how low mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually I had sunk after getting the Chemo dropped, having a seizure, MRI maybe not showing the best ending up in hospital (basically all the shit from Tuesday 4 December) landing on me in one day. In I think there was a huge hangover still from earlier in the year. Well within 15 minutes of taking magic liquid I felt like my old self (watch out world) from before March! I could think, according too the family I was smiling, having a joke like old times, not angry. Apparently calm and mellow very relaxed, etc. I just felt and even now feel so wonderfully brilliant! It is just sad that it has taken 9 months to get to it. So for me getting this drug I really only have 2 things to thank – the understaffed Oncology ward at the hospital and therefore having Nurse Sharron from intensive care unit fill in as my nurse in the day.

Her and I had several Frank decisions around what I’m dealing with, support services, etc as she was wanting took move out of ICU to work in Oncology as that interested her more. And within all her dealing with me she discovered that I had at no time had contact from the Palliative Care team. Now usually they are brought in very late in the peace, when (remember this if you ever end up dealing with cancer or someone that has cancer) get them on board early. Even as background advises occasionally but make sure they are there. Look what I have now got from it – some sort of my old self and life back, and with time to spare and best of all time to share with you all. Honestly, this med is awesome!  It lifted the fog over me in seconds, and where I was struggling to make a decision it allowed me clarity immediately. Now I realise it is only day 1 so will give it a week and I will give another report of it.

Up and on with the day. The boys are of to spend the day at Craig’s business labelling pallets going out our something. Which is good as they are in a cool store and it is meant to get to 29 degrees today. So I’m off to work, and Sue is in court. I feel it is going to be a good day already.  Busy at work. We head out to have lunch with Debbie (our old boss), and Michael and Aaron and have a catch up with them at the new Old Ballies bar which used to be besides The Press in Cathedral Square.  Nice time had by all. Head home about 3 pm as fading still. Guess the new drug doesn’t cover everything. Decide to take some time to rest up as feeling flattened.

Kia Kaha.