3 Too Many

“Things happen to you to make you realize your true potential, strength, will power, and heart. Have faith and stay strong!” – Unknown

 

Steroids and other meds all on board I still managed to get about 6 1/2 hours sleep – thank goodness.  Woke very sore and Jacob had to go get my meds for me as I could hardly move.  Take meds then give them about 20mins to work.  Mange to get up and make a cuppa and get ready for the day.  Feeling fairly lively though for  everything going on.

 

Been thinking about some comments and chats that I have had over the past week or so.  One has been about how I write the blog.  As in how open (sometimes to much) it is.  Well how else would it be?  I guess I write it as if I was keeping a personal diary, except that others can see it.  I mean it is toned down else I would probably loose half the readers.  it is written freely to so that if any other brain Tumor warriors stubble on it they can understand that they are not alone in their suffering or fight.  That there is more of us out there, and while I doubt your tumor(s) are not the same they are similar in what they will be doing to you, your family and friends.  Just remember you are never alone, even in your darkest places we are here for you.  And don’t give up no matter how hard the fight, sure adjust treatment if need be, but don’t stop fighting in yourself. 

 

Another thing I have been discussing is about how come I don’t get angry about what is happening to me.  Firstly, answer me this – who do you get angry at for it?  I can’t think of anyone, thing or act that has brough on my illness and while I could query my religion I can’t really, as if not me then who would get this?  I know it is easy to say some prisoner or some one to who deserves it but who are we to decide who that is?  It is biological, caused by some rouge cells that have done this to me.  We can use our medicines, surgery, and raidation to fight it (but unfortunately not surgical skills in my case), and my stubborn will to live and not give in, and those supporting me to make me determined to keep going.  Yes it is tough dealing with what I have for everyone, but if it makes it any easier for you, I am at peace (though bloody sacred) at the way in which I have been made to face my ending.  I have the opportunity to plan things, and to make sure that I am leaving things the best possible way for my family, whom I have to ultimately consider, as when I stop, you all keep going on with your lives, just minus me -and the blog   So please don’t go looking for blame as it will consume you to much, But if it is how you cope then do so, but I found it to consuming for me to bother with.

 

Last one I’ll mention is this.  I was asked how I can be so calm and ‘brave’ in dealing with this.  I don’t see it that way, but maybe it is a sign to me of just how well I can put up a front for you.  To be honest, some days the wrong word can flip me over to the the point I can barely hold the front up.  Yes I’m scared, sometimes, and angry at myself not the tumors, and wanting to just run away so I can wake up from this nightmare (of which I have been having several of lately. )  Behind the front you see is a different person, but I have also been doing the treatment really well, so have managed to make it look better than what I am probably feeling.  Cause at the moment I’m in agony truthfully and are nodding off constantly. And in a messed up state mentally and emotionally.  So calm , because it helps most of the time to let me make each day better, and brave – well probably because I can’t be anything but.

 

Head off to work and have a pleasant stroll in.  Have a steady day.  Go through a spell of wanting to vomit but I manage to hold on to that and start to come right again.  Also the desire to just fall asleep at random is not there.  Head off just after 1:15pm.  Get home and the sudden desire to sleep is bad big time, so go and have a lay down to see if that revives me at all.  It does a bit after an hour long nap.  Login to work then for a bit, then head off ot see Jacob’s science fair entry on Solar Energy.  Looks good, and he has done very well.  Get home then and the sleep monster is back again – ugh!  I doubt several gallons of coke or coffee would do me any good.

 

We have an early dinner, as Sue heads off with Roh they are doing volunteer parcel wrapping at Northlands Mall as a fundraiser for Roh’s work (it s a charity).The boys finish homework then they’re off to bed so I can do the blog and watch some TV.  Struggling with the sleep demon still too – bloody thing can leave me alone anytime it feels like it.  M&D time rolls around and I head to bed to read and try to get more sleep.  Trust you’ve had a lovely day, and have behaved.  Fridge hope you’re feeling better to man – best wishes.  So Aubrey, to scared to comment on your own personal blog??  That warm beer is getting colder by the day   Till the morrow.

 

The picture below is of the Halswell pink socks been worn by Bevan Murdoch whom was team mate in a couple of games, and is one of the sons of Trudy and ‘Doc’ Murdoch.  It shows just how famous and well travelled the socks are.  Been promoted far and wide.  Thanks for the pic folks.

 

 

Kia Kaha.