3 Too Many

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” – Edith Lovejoy Pierce

 Well here we are, 31 Decemeber.  To say I started the year expecting to get here is true, to say that the journey I have had to get here has been harder than I or anyone expected would have to be the understatement of the year.  The one thing that I have learnt from this year though is that you can not, even with the best plans or intentions, count on fate throwing in her hand at will.  There has been tears, fears, hope, happiness, sadness, loss, gains, everything that can or could possibly be felt or emotively conceved I think I have experienced it. 

I have lost friends, gained new friends, felt heart break in new ways, but most of all learnt to look at the world and those in my world in a whole new way.  To say that you want to share the dreams of others, or help your children grow their dreams takes on a whole new meaning.  I wish there was a way that people got to at some time in their life, got to stand stripped bear of their life, and made to face the stark reality of their life and their own mortality.  I used to take life for granted and with little real value, until thrust into the limelight with cancer – the ‘C’ word, a sentence in a word.  Though these days cancer is not a sentence as much as it used to be, but of course me in my usual, lets do it difdferent way, pulled the odds of the century  out – 50 people worldwide per year are diagnosed with my cancer type – 50 people in ~ 7 billion!!!  What the hell – that even blows me away!!!  Yes, I have had the people going why the good ones, why you and not someone locked up for life in jail.  But the question is why not me?  Yes, I understand people wanting me to stay around, and the suffering could be going out to someone else, but really, based on those loose reasons doesn’t cut it.

Have I got given 3 of them to fight against because I have a very high pain tolerance already, so are able to endure it?  Or is it that I can show that even when the going gets tough, you can suck it up a bit and just get on with it, why?  Just because you can.  I nam not trying to be a marta or something, but I managed Radiation and Chemo together, and got told thgat I did it very well.  Then I did Chemo and was tracking well until the last round, when on that bloody black Tuesday all 4 wheels fell off at once (MRI, Chemo stopped, first siezure, ended up in hospital) – it was a huge kick in the guts morally, mentally and emotionally for me, and I am still trying to deal with it now.  The only good to come of it has been the getting of the new drug which has helped flip life back to a pre-diagnosis sort of state.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could just flip the whole of 2013 back to that state?  So what will 2013 bring?  I know for me a whole new fight, and probably the most determined and stubborn side of me is yet to truely emerge.  If you think I’ve put up a fight for my faculties, self dignity and my life so far then, wait till you see me when I really zone in on something.  I know that I will be spending the year fighting for my life – it is that simple and easy to say.  I just need you folk to have my back so to speak and support me and more importantly each other, as it is going to be tough going some days.  Don’t be scared to ask for help, or talk to each other – it is good and healthy to do do this.

So 2012 – you have been my year of hell.  You put a timer on my life.  You have taken 7 people from us through cancer, and 10 people all up.  You have passed the illness to another 5 people that I know as well – so I think for 2013 you can give handing out cancer a miss please, at least for several months. 

A toast for 2013 – May the goodness of a happy heart and joyous mind ensure that everyday is as special as you allow it to be, and as much fun as you can endure.

Sleep – yes I managed to get some – 7 hours of it straight!!!  I woke with a hell of a headache though and feeling like absolute crap, but I’ve had a decent sleep!!  Yipeee.  Up about 9:30 and just cruise as nothing needing really to be done today, and with the way my head is hurting it is taking a bit to get it under control.  So spend the day at home.  The kids break the tramp so, new tramp now before a spa pool   Thankfully none of them get hurt so no injuries to report.  Get the house in order we are entertaining people tonight for New Years.  Honestly – there is nothing to report in as it has been that quiet.  Jacob has done a load of gardening, and other yard work to help. 

Roh and Andy and the girls arrive, then the Booth family.  I get the blog done and out of the way so I can relax and man the BBQ.  I really hope that all have a fantastic evening, and don’t make silly resolutions.  Be good and behave.  Thank you for all been there for us in 2012.  I hope you will still be here in 2013 and continue enjoying the blog.  Take care and be safe.

Kia Kaha.