3 Too Many

“I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.” – Unknown

“Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.” – Unknown

Yet another crappy sleep – this is really geting to me.  If its not pain then it is tremours, and if not tremours then the brain is in hyper mode, or sometimes all 3.  Wake then to bloody body pain again!  Shuffle downstairs to get meds and make a cuppa.  Back to bed to see if pain killers are going to work.  45 mins later not much improvement so inform work of state of myself i.e. not going in and head back to bed.  Rest until about 12pm and still bloody hurting with a side dish of nausea.  So crappy day.  Get up and have steaming hot shower then get ready to face the day.

I’ve been doing a lot more reading about my tumours and life expectancy.  Not happy readinga, not that I need reminding of the timeframe but more about how many people have beaten the odds, not many but it gives me a target to aim for.  I will fight till the end. It is not the cancer or the fight that scares me but more how it will end. Going through and making sure I’m doing as much as possible to ease the burden when the end comes. Setting rules in place and final details of how I want things to be. Hopefully it will come down to Sue needing to make a couple of phone calls and everything will be set in motion.

Login to work for a bit and troll through the emails.  Silly thing is for sleeping more this morning I feel even more tired now.  Hate that!  Sue gets home and tries to get me to eat something as not feeling good at all.  And not going to end up in hospital.  Give in and have half a liquid meal – yuck!  Still it is something and the equivilant of a complete meal (according to the Dietician at the hospital).  Boys get home and have a quite arvo.  Dinner time then – manage to force in a small amount of food.  Quiet evening  – feeling very sad and emotionally worn out.  Also I can’t really do to much with the bloody pain I’m in.  Do blog, then stare at the TV.  M&D time and bed.  Oh well another day wasted feeling poorly.Wish I could credit them up against my final days.  Hope that all have had a far better day than me, and survived Monday – its OK it’s 6 days now until the next one   Sorry another short and sweet one but can’t muster up any good thoughts about anything.

Kia Kaha.