3 Too Many

“Friends are made by many acts and lost by only one.” – Proverb

Spent about 2 hours last night reading about my cancer – hoping in a way that something may have been developed hat will eradicate them or that.  Unfortunately no such luck.  Still the same prognosis and life expectancy. Another night down, and spent a bit of it asleep, finally.  Wake at just after 7, bugger, I was hoping to sleep in a bit as it is a holiday today.  Oh well, not to be.  Lachie makes me a cup of tea, and brings my meds box up to me as hurting a bit and he is trying to save me suffering a bit – how considerate.  Feeling on a mental high if you like, then as quick as a snap of the fingers, I’m in a deep low.  Fantastic I’m in for one of these days   Sue takes the dog for a walk, and I decide to go into the garage for a bit.  Spend nearly an hour in there, but unfortunately instead of it doing it’s usual upper, it has not done that.  If anything I feel a lot worse than before.  AT least I’m not hurting too badly with pain.  Also the twitching I have had the past couple of days has seemed to stop.  See I managed to suppress that enough that no one noticed it.  Get ready then to face the day.  Really start wondering what sort of mental state I’m in as I feel so sad and low but can’t shed a tear in the shower where I normally get it out of the system.  OMG – I have gone so low I can’t even cry about how low I am, that’s sad in itself.

Start to feel better again, but nauseous.  Force some lunch down, then we head off to meet the Reid family at the Jet Ski lake in the Sawyers Arms Reserve.  Mark does well taking all the boys on rides onn the Jet Ski.  Not sure whose having more fun Mark or the boys   Spend the afternoon there and have a good catch up with Kylie and Mark.  Thank you so much for today – it was fun.  Head home then and pick up Fish & Chips on the way for tea. Lachie and Sue go with Roh and Kate to the movies to see Breaking Dawn, while Jacob stays home with me.  I do the blog and Jacob plays on the PS3. 

Thought I would share a quote that I think is quite relative to what I am going through:-

ATTITUDE

by: Charles Swindoll

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes.

Hope this gives something to ponder about how you live your life.  I have had to look at ways of changing my attitude.  Some days I get it wrong, others I seem to get it precisely.  I could have looked at my cancer with the wrong attitude and it would have consumed me.  Fortunately I choose to look at it as the unknown adventure and strange journey that it is.  I think Pam’s comment to me from yesterdays blog (thanks Pam), about been able to look at me and not know I have cancer, well today at the lake I was talking to a couple of guys about cars and jet skis, as you do.  We had the FPV Falcon out there and one of them said about driving, and I said I t is fun and one that I miss as I loved driving that car, and they asked the obvious why I couldn’t drive.  I said that I have cancer and can’t, and they just looked at me with that sad faced look (you start to become a good face reader btw), then one of them just asked what sort so told them 3 brain tumours.  Theirmouths did that open speechless look – not sure why.  Then they said that without knowing that they would never had guessed that I had cancer.  So that help bouy me up again.  So thanks for those that say I’m looking well.  It’s good to know that all the work of fighting it hasn’t changed me to much.  But if you could see inside my mind or spend a day in my body then you wouldn’t probably say it.  It takes a lot of sucking up of pain and things, and making sure the game face is looking right – as don’t want people fussing over me.  Enough waffle for now.

Quiet night in really, which suits me fine. Play some PS3 against Jacob, and watch some TV, M&D time, then head to bed as shattered as usual.  Hope you folk that worked didn’t have to do it too hard.  Really hope you have a great, relaxing weekend too.  Take care, have fun.

Kia Kaha.