3 Too Many

“You can’t have a positive life with a negative mind.” – The Secret

Love the quote as it is very true.  Bugger all sleep again.  Finally drifted off about 3:30.  Just chewing over things in my head and doing a lot of thinking, praying and dreaming (well not sleep dreaming as such).  Feel tired, just I’m too restless and brain is doing overtime.  There is so much I want to put down but I’m not going too.  I know, a little against the usual blog, but these thoughts stay with me.  Jacob wakes me up about 7:15 – bloody missed the alarm. So needless to say rushing is the order of the day.  Down meds – a bit sore today so I’m shuffling around the house.  Get ready for the day then out the door.

Another cool stroll into work.  Have a close call with a Range Rover running a red light, and trip on the curb, but don’t quite hit the ground.  Bastard!!  Get into work and get a coffee and muffin.  don’t even manage half the muffin when I break into a cold sweat, and do my best to stop turning my desk technicolour.  Yes – that quick I can now go from fine and functioning to ill as and thinking of heading to hospital.  My head also starts to hurt a bit.  Manage to hang in there and get the pain back down a bit.  Maddy makes me one of her fabulous Iced Chocs for lunch – very nice and sits well on the tum.  Head off then about 1:15 via the chemist to collect scripts – just cause I don’r have enough drugs at home Start to go downhill again on the way home.

Why is it that you can feel so happy and so down and flat at the same time.  Doesn’t make sense to me.  All I can put it down too is the effects that I am still suffering from my mate, Chemo.  And the fact that there is so much happening from now until the end of the year.  17 Days until I do the last round of Chemo.  No more after that – that is eating at me both because I am expecting it to be the worst one based on the way they are kicking me in the guts harder each time.  Also it is the last treatment.  That’s it. All done! No more! Thanks for agreeing to poison yourself so that you have some more time dancing on the edge of your grave – its been fun watching you do ‘so well’ through it.  Another Xmas is looming large and fast – will it be the last?  Like wise another New Year.  What could I make as a resolution?  Maybe I will dig my toes in and hide from the Reaper next year.  Or I could promise to do my best not to grow any more tumours  – that sounds more realistic to me actually. On the Happy side I have heard from some long lost contacts which is nice as it cheers me up, and I’m pleased as punch to hear from them.  Thank you. 

Still feeling lousy and fatigued, so try to fight it for as long as possible, until I give in and have a lay down.  Feel better for the rest.  Have dinner, then relax with the boys – holiday in Cantebury on Friday so no school or work – yay.  Do the blog, and watch some TV.  Fight the sleep deamon – stupidly I should just go to bed and surrender to it as I might then get a good nights sleep.  M&D time – did you all like the little pic sbout M&D time yesterday?  Hope it made you smile.  Have a great day/arvo/evening wherever you are.  Take care of yourself too.

Kia Kaha.