3 Too Many

“When you’re happy, you enjoy the music. But, when you’re sad, you understand the lyrics.” – Frank Ocean

Sore   not a nice way to start the day.  Broken sleep too so not feeling the best, and nausea has come back for a visit too.  Still it is 5:55am and I could take meds then go back to bed, but decide to take meds and hit the weights and spin bike.  If I’m already hurting then what’s a little more really.   Have a good 45 mins working out and get a good sweat up.  Feeling a lot better for it both in body and in mind.  Get ready for the day and manage to slice my head in 2 places shaving it.  Yes head – not face as I shave my hair off completely now as I have lost patches of it too radiation and chemo.  Here I was a smart bum a few months ago when I started loosing it saying that I would save on blades, well in fact it is the opposite as now I have 2 razors – one for my face and one for my head so even more cost not savings – bugger.  Have a liquid brekkie as not wanting to eat really.  Have a terrible taste in my mouth today – not sure how to describe it but think of chewing on tin foil then putting a 9 volt battery on your tongue – that horrible metallic taste.

I think that while having my 45mins with myself in the gym this morning I realise why I’ve been emotionally flipping – it is getting to the busy end of the year – Xmas, etc.  Meaningful time with friends and family.  And well, in what could be called a big year so far, it has a lot of bearing, and weight on my subconscious.  Probably understandable I think.  In the back of my mind (well somewhere in the grey matter that has some space left in it), is this my last Christmas?  No one can tell me that, then again anything could take anyone of us before then.  I guess I have to keep it in perspective some how.  I also keep thinking back to when I was in hospital after they drilled a hole in my head and did the biopsy, it was the Sunday morning, and my tummy voice was telling me all night that it was not going to be good news when I get the results.  You know what I mean – you just know that the bad news is coming.  I stayed awake all Saturday night (probably due to the steroids), but remember watching the dawn breaking and seeing the last star fade from light, knowing that one day too soon that starlight fading would be me.  It was quite strange and poignant really – and I have now shared it with you all.  So if you ever get to see the last star in the sky in the morning, the one that hangs there that little bit longer after the sun has lit the sky just – then think of me.  Cause like that last stubborn star, I too am going to hang on shining as long as possible until you can’t see me anymore.  But fear not cause like the star that is still there, just you can’t see it because of the brilliance of the sun, but sure as the sunsets so does that star stay bright.  I will always be here too – just not always for you to see or hear but I am always going to be with everyone of you that I have interacted with.  So there you have it – a real deep spill that I haven’t done for a while.  Hope you don’t mind.

Head to work and have an OK day.  All my happy work colleauges are there so nice to see their happy smiling faces.  Manage to eat lunch too, so not all bad.  Then head off for home about 1:15pm, feeling worn out from doing nothing.  Bloody fatigue!  Have a lay down when I get home and fall asleep for about an hour.  Wake feeling better but overheating as fell asleep in the sun.  Boys are home and having a kick around.  I try to get get back on to doing some work but my head isn’t into it.

Lachie cooks dinner on the BBQ.  Only manage to eat a wee bit as the taste is back and sorry Lachie – it’s not the cooking – but the food is just terrible.  Honestly the food was cooked well as Sue, Lachie and Jacob ate theirs no problem.  Clean up and do the dishes then sit down to do the blog.  Take the car to the petrol station to top it up and take Bessie for a run around the block.  Keep myself busy doing some config work on the home network to make it faster.  Soon enough it will be M&D time and bed.  No Kava tonight, maybe tomorrow.  I had some last night and yep – still smells like dirty socks and tastes like them too.  Though I have found a recipe for Cinnamon and Honey Kava so may try that next.  I did seem to relax me though as I nearly dozed off in the bath last night.  Trust all have had a good Monday and are relaxing now  – unless you’re one of the overseas visitors that will still be getting ready to get through your Monday.  Take care, be good.

Kia Kaha.