3 Too Many

“I don’t think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains.” – Anne Frank

If the price of sleep is pain then I’ve paid it. I managed to sleep for 7 1/2 hours straight last night! Not completely unbroken sleep but only recall waking up about five times. Bad dreams though, as woke up feeling as if I had died. Not nice but uncannily peaceful. The foggy feeling in the head has given way and are now in a better place mentally, well for now at least. Get up and then realize that the body pain is back worst than before – shit! Head downstairs to get meds and a drink while the rest off the house are sleeping. Jacob then comes down to check on me.he is a good lad. He wanted to make sure I was ok,have a cuddle and help me back to bed.spend the next hour waiting for the pain killers to do their thing, while reading emails and news on my tablet. Might have to consider upping the drugs slightly as I have to get on top of this. I have that much pain in my stomach that it is making me feel sick – really sick.  Manage to hold the nausea at bay while starting to go comfortably numb and foggy. So in for a brilliant day – not!  At least the tremors, etc that I have been suffering badly over the past few days have subsided for now.  Fingers crossed they stay that way.

This latest round of Chemo has been different more than any other and has me thinking about how much I am going to be kicked around by the last two rounds of it. It is taking more effort this time to start getting my head into the right space to tackle it. And I am not looking forward to it either. Hopefully once I finish altogether I will bounce back to normal quickly, but then again I’m not sure if I want it to happen quickly, as it will mean that the Chemo levels will have dropped off an it is down to the mofo’s as to how long it they take to reignite and start their handy work on my brain. Hopefully quite a while to come back on and not too swiftly. Also is this torture that I am get more of now, just the bodies way of preparing me for what’s to come? I mean that the umber of good health days are depleting so I have to learn new ways to deal with them, and then how to make the most of the bad health days into a great memorable mentally and emotionally brilliant day. I still have a massive mount of fight in me, I know that for sure. But bringing all 4 parts of me (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) together is hard work at times. I spend to many hours too shedding tears over things, and this while it helps it also hinders.

Get up and get ready for the day. A boiling hot shower helps hugely. Now just need the weather to play ball and get to the promised 23 today (actually made it to 25). Not looking likely at the moment today as overcast and cool. Nothing planned today yet apart from the boys have got parties to head too mid afternoon. Lachie is sleeping over night at his one and Jacob gets home about 9:30 from his. Weather does play ball and within an hour went from 12 degrees to 20.  Decide to go for  walk to see if that helps the aches – it is crazy but in the past it has.  So head off via the chemist as need to collect a script for good pain killers.  End up out walking for 2 hours including stops and cover 9.6kms all up.  Not a bad effort.  Get home hurting but happy.  Have lunch meds and manage to eat something small for lunch.  Then have some kicks with the boys in the backyard.  Give up after Lachie drills a ball into the back of head.  Not a good feeling.  Start getting the aches and pains again not long after, including the bad stomach pains.  Take it quiet the rest of the arvo.  Boys head off to their respective birthday parties so have a quiet household for several hours anyway.  Head out to the Thai Rendevous with Deb and Glen for a lovely dinner and great company.  Then home to watch the rugby at their house with a couple of drinks, and dessert – Thanks Deb.  A lovely evening all up.  Get home then do the blog and M&D time in bed.  Canterbury win – Yahoo!!!  5 in a row.

Really hope that all have had a brilliant productive and fun relaxing day. I’ve tried my best too. Rest of the evening is quietreading a book in an attempt to get to sleep. In other words an average night trying to get to sleep. Take care, have fun, don’t be good as its boring Till tomorrow – catch ya.

Kia Kaha.