3 Too Many

“It’s the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee.” – Nicholas Sparks

Well that was crap, not sleep!  Body and head pain is getting out of control almost.  But it is more my body – stomach, back, wrists and fingers than anything – at a level of about 6-7.  Very restless night and had to get up several times to take pain killers and just because standing is the least painful position to be in.  Nothing like passing time at 4am staring out the bathroom window at the hills.  I mean what else would I do otherwise?  Sleep maybe?  That would be nice.  Get up about 7am thinking if it would be more logical to stay in bed or at least at home and try to recover.  I was so convinced last night that I was going to end up in hospital in the middle of the night that before bed I double checked my hospital bag (has essentials in it like clothes, toilet bag, meds in case the hospital don’t have the right ones, phone charger, etc) was ready to go.  Give in to logic and get up.  Take meds, make a cup of tea and get ready for the day.

Sue drops me off at work, and comes in to have a coffee with me seen as she is not starting until 10:30 today.  Awesome morning 22 degrees at 9:30am – so sit outside on the third floor cafe balcony.  Nice way to start the day.  Bloody pain is not joining in with the goodness of the day – it starts coming back.  Sue heads off  and I top up the meds again.  Hard to focus really today as I am now in a real fog.  Brain is fuzzy and hurting.  Last out until 1:45 then get picked up and head home via Jacob and Lachie’s schools.  Not in a good state at all as start feelijng really out of sorts and having tremors and shunts (sudden sharp jolts).  Working hard to control these effects as worried they will give way to a full on siezure.  Manage to keep some control of the limbs but mentally am exhausted and feeling extremely foggy now compared to earlier.  Not feeling tired at all, though I have eyes that are that bloodshot, it looks like I have been on the turps all night. 

I really don’t know what the story is with this pain and the convulsions/shunts/tremors.  They hit me and I struggle to be able to control the limb that is affected – and yes it is usually Wilson.  It is like my brain is misfiring the command for it to do something.  Such as if I want to touch my left hand fingers to my nose, it can take several jolts and a lot of concentration to be able to start the movement then if I haven’t poked myself in the eye several times, I will eventually get the finger to my nose. It is a whole new fight against myself to make things happen.  This is the same as happened last week when I was asleep.  Fortunately it has only lasted about an hour or so this time, then it sort of settles down of its own accord.  But you are then very aware of any little adverse event or feeling in yourself.  Maybe this is how things will happen next?  Maybe no main seizure just an increasing amount of  jolts, tremors, etc.  Yet something else public that I am to now deal with – grrr!! 

Have a quiet afternoon doing very little as it hurts to much to even walk really.  I have a small dinner as just to make sure I am really suffering, along comes my old mate nausea to join the party. Seems he had taken a break and has arrived with a vengance.And I need to preserve my energy and self as we are off to see Lachie sing in the Christchurch Schools choirs performance at CBS Arena tonight.  I know I can do it, and will do so for Lachie.  Jacob manages to doze off before the last song.  It was quite a good performance. 

The choir was great, and I manged to stay awake through it all.  Get home send boys to bed and do blog and M&D time.  Electric blanket on 3 again tonight to toast the aches away.  I really hope all have had a wonderful day and it has all gone smoothly.  Hoki Mai.

Kia Kaha.