Monday 17 September Ramble
September 17, 2012 — Headless“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot
5:55 and the ceiling is looking – well, like a ceiling! Have some quiet time thinking about things before the alarm goes at 6:30. It was 6 months yesterday since I found out that I had these MoFo’s. Can you believe it – 6 bloody long months! Oh how much has changed in that time – for everyone. I could make plans, was looking forward to a great footy season, feeling really good and healthy, and words like cancer, chemo, radiation were what other people were going through. Don’t get me wrong, I was not immune to the impact of the illness. In this past 6 months I have had to attend a funeral, and accept that 5 more people are no longer with us because of their battles ending. Also I was thinking about how I didn’t let the emotion of Jacob’s birthday get the better of me on his day. I stayed positive that I would be there to see more and I have to stop this clocking down of events. Instead I have to see them as the step forward in time they are. Jacob has become a teenager – wahoo (well of sorts). It is a milestone I am so pleased to have seen. Now to Lachlan – 20 months to go!!
Get up about 6:45 to make a cuppa tea (don’t actually know why I bother now as it tastes so yuck that I never drink more than a couple of sips). Then get ready for the day. Nausea is at work, and I really feel that I need to try to eat something, so give in to having a liquid meal. Hold nose, drink fast through a straw, then jump around like a weirdo as it tastes like nails – yuck.
Off to work in the pea-soup fog. Small crew at the office today, but doesn’t stop it been a light-hearted day. Got to make work fun. Head off about 2:15 via the hospital to collect a couple of prescriptions that I need. Yeah I know, I need more drugs! Well this is only 1 more. The others are repeats. Sue picks me up by the hospital and has Jacob already, as he banged his head this morning at school and wasn’t feeling well. Then we go to get Lachlan as he is on the way home. There is a storm bearing down on us too. Go via the chemist to get the scripts filled, and the storm hits just as we’re about to leave. Glad I didn’t decide to walk home in that. Head home and light the fire, then sit down for 5mins, and doze off 
Wake in time for dinner, which Jacob has cooked for us. Yes I managed to eat a meal – not a big one by my standards, but I at least managed something. I then fall back to sleep – really!!! Nutty and Fridge come over then for a coffee a natter. Have a good yarn and a few laughs. Nice to see you guys. Thanks for stopping over.
Get tomorrows dinner ready in the slow cooker. Then blog time and, back to W&D as Milo is not good tasting stuff. Have terrible acid too so now burning up internally. Oh well I’ll head to bed and try to sleep it off. Night or good morning folks. Take it as this finds you during a part of your day. Take care and be good (it is only just over 3 months till Xmas and the big guy is watching if you’re naughty or nice).
Kia Kaha.
September 18, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Hey Tony!
I must admit, I had a laugh reading about drinking the breakfast Ensure! I do feel bad about even suggesting it now! It’s horrible I know! Please try blending half of milk and half of Ensure – blitz the crap out of it – it’s much more……. ? Bearable!?!
Congrats on being here six months down the track! That is really wonderful – it’s so normal for us ‘termies’ to think about ALL the things we will miss out on, but look at ALL the things you’ve been part of in this six months! How lucky you are to have been here to see and make these memories in this time! Well done you, your kicking some MoFo butt!!!
I have often wondered, in those terrible times, if I had just died in a accident, instantly – would it be better than this!? Sitting here fighting cancer with Chemo – it’s horrific and just plain stupid at times to want to MAKE ourselves this sick! Why!? Which is better, or worse!? I often have weighed up those pros and cons, yet always come back to this: I appreciate getting this time to say goodbye, to forgive the ones I need and hope others may forgive me, to say I love you every day because I don’t know how many more ‘I love yous’ I will get to say! I get to say goodbye to me, my life and although I know it’s going to be a slow, painful horrific wasting death – I really appreciated every extra day I get with my loved ones
September 18, 2012 at 9:50 pm
Hi Sarah,
It’s OK about the Ensure, it is not the worst tasting thing that I have had to endure.
Wonderfully put! It is how I think and feel a lot of the time now. We do get to make sure that we cover off the small things when we know we only have a limited time to do it. In a way I guess we could look at it as a form of benefit, this chance to stop busy lifes that we had to focus on the real side of life that everyone should have.
You have given me something to thing about more too, so maybe that’ll be tonights ceiling contemplation
Keep up the fight. I am finding a new way to everyday – Ensure or not