3 Too Many

“As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart-broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.” – Unknown

For been really tired, I still didn’t manage to get to sleep until about 1:30.  Then have a rough sleep waking several times.Get up at 6:15 and head down to the gym to try to get myself motivated for the day.  Doesn’t really work either. Flat as a pancake emotionally and mentally today and hurting all over too.  This is tiring in itself so it compounds to the problems.  Also still not eating as feel very nauseous – to the point that I can’t even stomach my morning cuppa tea.  Get on and get ready for work still.

I think some of what is keeping me awake is the prospect of another day approaching that has me wondering how many more are to come.  I know I should worry about it or think of it like that, but is harder to forget or not let it enter your mind than you think.  I get told often to not to think of it like a countdown or it maybe is the last one but again don’t tell me unless you have walked a day in my shoes at times like this.  So thanks for the advice but I don’t need it.  The other thing is the fatigue and nausea taking its toll on me.  It is not nice constantly having a feeling of being unable to eat, and because you’re not eating the body is struggling to function physically, and of course the mental side is also extremely tiring too.  So all in all it is a nasty circle you get in.

Head to the office and a quiet day at work.  My head keeps hurting and fighting fatigue too.  Not really in a good place and probably shouldn’t be at work today.  Oh well I am and get on with it.  Manage to hang in there until 3pm.  Then Sue collects me and takes me home.

Get home and potter round the house.  Hurting in all my joints and so it literally is a potter around as move hurts.  Cook a Madras curry for tea – very nice if I say so myself – even though I can’t really taste it   Time to blog it, while watching tv.  Need to stay awake to be able to watch Mrs Browns Boys!  The only decent program on tv.  WIll do M&D time after Mrs Brown then head for bed to rest my weary, aching, sad ass cancered body to bed.  Just want to sleep tonight, and determined to do what I can to get a full night rested sleep. Have a grand day/arvo/evening all.

Kia Kaha.