3 Too Many

“Courage is reclaiming your life after a devastating event robs you of your confidence and self-esteem. It is facing tomorrow with a firm resolve to reach deep within yourself to find another strength, another talent. … It is taking yourself to another level of your own existence where you are once again whole, productive, special…” — Catherine Britton

Howdy folks. A lousy but at least a near full nights sleep.  The brain was more settled and in a relaxed state – probably so bloody worn out, so didn’t remain awake for hours at a time as usual.  Woke several times as usual but managed to go back to sleep.  Even turned the alarm off as I was awake but then fell back to sleep and not wake until 7:25 – so all panic in the house as everyone slept in.

Dad stops by to take me to the doctor  then drops me into the office.  Seeing the Doc to get top ups of drugs and a quick check up too.  All good – heart still going – fabulous, lungs still working properly – handy, blood pressure still perfect – of course, brain still ticking over – bonus! Stop by the chemist to get some sea bands – wrist bands that press on accupressure points in the wrist that help with nausea.  Handy as feeling very crappy today.  Get into work and get on with the day.  Quiet,steady day. 

Have lunch as feeling ok – sort of but then start to feel lousy again not long after.  Catch a ride home with Sue then.  Have some more drugs for pain and nausea, which sort of work for about an hour then end up vomiting   First time for everything.  Go and have a lay down then and fall asleep for about 1 1/2 hours!  So much for a quick nap.  Still feeling crappy and sore.  Have to accept that it is one of those draining days where the nauseous feelings and pain will be the winners no matter what I throw at them.  I just now have to focus on managing it so that I don’t take the drop into too much pain and end up in the hospital.  I will not end up there!!!  I will not!!  Days like this I hate as you are riding a rollercoaster of energy, nausea, pain and ultimately emotion that tags along with it all.  It just gets you down.  Still visualise my little bucket of energy and taking the cupfuls out that I need.  I think that really then I have managed well and try to stay positive about it all.  Though you do ask what the hell is there to be positive about – been sick, having pain, dying? Really – what?  Damn the dark side is pushing through.  Emotions are changing how I feel every few minutes it seems. – not fun for me or others really.  I can’t be bothered with the day really and going to bed is looking the best option at the moment.  Just want to escape the world and be alone for a while.

Decide to soak in the bath for a bit of time out and to try to sooth the aches and pains.  Then watch Mrs Browns Boys and head to bed.  I will be glad when today over as I’m over it and I’ll get to see what tomorrow brings for me.  That’s the one guarantee in life – no 2 days are the same as much as I would love them to be. So I’m only positive that tomorrow will be different – maybe good, maybe bad – lets see what personality gets dragged out.  No promises for anyone that its going to be a nice or happy one.  Love the effects that these steroids have.  M&D time – though even Milo tastes terrible – so just drug time then bed.  Have a good night/day/arvo all.

Kia Kaha.