3 Too Many

“You can, You should, and if you’re brave enough to start, You will.” ― Stephen King

Well I did it – last night of Chemo round 2 down.  Woke at 5am bearly able to walk, lay there until 5:20 thinking of reasons I should stay put, and then thought that I have more need to get up and do as I said than not too.  So up, pain killers, and into gym.  About 25 mins with weights, stretches, etc, and 20 mins (6.5kms) on spin bike – and I feel great for it!!  Stuffed a bit, but great!  Not bad to go from can’t move to doing all that in an hour – pain killers are wonderful

On with the day while the energy and attitude are rocking on well. Feeling quite lively actually – long may it continue.  Steady day in the office, and go for a walk to re:Start mall at lunch time.  Even the appetite has come back today which is good.  Energy flagging a bit, but manage to kick through it.  Get home in time for Crown to pickup their empty moving boxes as we don’t need them anymore and it’s one less thing in the garage.  Sue calls Beth – nice to have a chat.  Send some of the Canadian sun and heat our way please! The boys get home and we head off to Riccarton Mall to do a couple of chores.  Then home for dinner. Mood is changing to wound up which is not good.  Boys into bed, Sue heads off for a walk and I blog it. Not going to be a late night as I’m shattered and don’t think I need to push myself over the limit completely.  Only one place that gets me – hospital!

Had some good news today from the Onocologist Doc – I have my travel wings back!!  Yay – all be it on certain conditions, and only domestically at the moment.  But I now have an element of freedom (well of sorts) again.  On the driving front though I need to go 12 months without a seizure, and with a good MRI and treatment all finished – so bugger, bugger and bugger it all (and that’s been polite)!!!  Still I’ll take what I can for now.  A bit sad when you get excited about been allowed to fly again.

Seems this new way forward – though only day 1 – may workout for me.  I have the mental resolve to focus at it and also the ability to stick to it – as I did prior to the crap handout in March.  I may need a kick in the pants occasionally but will take them as I need them.  I also realise that tomorrow may see me drop to a new low again as I have overdone today.  But it is all learning, which seems to be the whole thing that this journey is teaching me now – learning about myself (physically, emotionally & mentally), learning about others (emotionally & mentally) and how to make the journey the best for all.  It is not going to always be smooth or easy or by the same token hard and difficult but from this point on I am going to make the most of the rest of my life – as I said on Saturday 1 April 2012 – today is the first day of the rest of my life and I will make the most of those days left as the countdown clock has started but unfortunately we don’t know how long that clock will run for.  But that’s OK, for I am alive today and will be tomorrow, so happy about that.  I will not let this cancer define me, I will define the cancer!  I have spent to long lately in the dark places and not coping well really but that has now changed – and will stay changed.  I can now look, I feel, at those dark places and sort through them to make them sensible and lay plans around them that I am happy with and not fear what things may come my way.

Bloody computer crashed and had a moment of panic that lost the blog.  Thank goodness for auto save!  It may have been the final tipping point.  Anyway that’s about it for today.  Full on day burning energy, faded out tonight.  Finishing a Jim Beam Small Batch while watching TV.  Then M&D time and bed, if I make it off the couch that is!  Take care all and have a great night/ arvo/day.

Kia Kaha.