3 Too Many

“Starting tomorrow – whatever life throws at me, I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else” – Unknown

Early start today for the right reasons – to watch Valerie Adams attempt to win gold. Well also awake with the head too but good timing.  Mood feeling better still as well and had a fairly good solid sleep so long may it continue.  Sue gets up to watch it as well.  Good effort by Valerie but obviously disappointed to be beaten by a more ‘solid’ lad   That chick? that won it looked very dodgy.  Maybe a new class of athlete could be made for them – Male, Female and those to yet decide   Oohh – that’s nasty!  I guess that regardless these folk are the top of their game and deserve to be there so it is more than I’ve done.

The inspirational flow of crap from the head is slow today and I’m not sure why really as the brain is running at a million miles an hour.  But that could actually be why.  To much to fast to capture some of it to use!  Been thinking of how unpredictable life really is and while we try to make it right and perfect for ourselves some days stuff just comes from left field to bugger that up.  We can’t control everything in our lives though we like to often think that we do and can.  As I found out that 3 mofo’s could be happily growing away without any real trace of existence to me until I noticed some ‘not right’ features developing – slurred speech, etc.  I guess in a way I was lucky, as from what I have read about similar tumours the fist sign of something wrong is a severe seizure, etc.  While I say I’m lucky in a sense I’m not actually really sure if I am so lucky as with everyday as the tremors grow worse, the fatigue digs in harder, and my battle with Wilson is more pronounced and enduring – I am on a tentative watch for the first seizure.  Not a nice way to live really.  Also everyday – morning and night I do a little checklist of myself physically and mentally, to make note of what is changing and how.,  There are days where I do not feel like and are not my normal self – probably more pronounced over the past few weeks.  Hence the reference to missing myself.  I know that I’m not me – persae mentally, but I can feel that and can’t explain what its like been trapped in me looking at this other person acting out differently.  Even though I’m assured that nothing is really different, to me it is.

On with the day off to work and another quietly steady day.  Finding it hard to concentrate as head hurting – background pain and fatigue keeps wearing me down.  Hang in there until Sue collects me for the Chemo Specialist appointment at the hospital.  All goes well.  Though on a daily dosing of Panadol now to keep the head pain at a lower level.  Great more bloody drugs again! They think the pain, fatigue & nausea is related to the Radiation treatment still as it can take 6-8 weeks after treatment finishes to wear off.  How is that for a hangover! Then home and need a rest as fatigue has kicked in again!  Keep falling asleep and then wake up, walk about 50 meters then need to rest again – sad:-(  Also Wilson is having a tingly arvo and must be cold as having a few tremors to keep warm.

Dinner time – Lachie heats up the meal that Roh has prepared for us – thanks Roh. Sue and Roh are out at movies tonight so home alone with my 2 wee minders.  Think I’ll probably sleep the time away as knackered again.  Must finish the blog – ahh!  Keep drifting off – bugger.  Sick of Olympics and crap TV!  Hope you have had or are having a great day/arvo/evening.  Relax, and enjoy and be safe.

Kia Kaha.