3 Too Many

Treatment Round 2 – Set 1 – Day 4 – Chemo only.

No headache – well not yet. Mind you it is only 5:40.  Check through the doses for today (as I have extras to take on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday).  Make a cuppa then into the routine. Sit down and finish yesterdays blog that was just so much work to get out – told ya the head was in the wrong place. Get it done and posted, then decide to hit the spin bike just after I take the Chemo and before it kicks in and ruins any chance to do some exercise.  Mange to churn out 6.5kms so happy with that. Getting further as time goes on.  Missing the gym & weights at home though – Its fine making the legs ache but it’s making the whole body hurt that’s better. 

Listen to my music while on the bike, but one song that really sort of sums up how I’m feeling – Rage Against the Machine – Killing In The Name Of.  Still quite wound up and  messed up.  I’m sure I’ll get over it soon. To take a line from the Drink Driving ad – I’ve been internalising a really complicated situation – and no, I don’t want some Ghost Chips! I’m back in fight mode to take on and keep taking on these bloody extras in my head.  I think it is more the headaches and pain have been a constant reminder over the past few days that they are actually in my head and very real.  I’m not saying that I have not accepted that but it is the first real-time that they have caused pain like this so you start wondering if they’ve got bigger or something else is going on.  In reality it is just the Chemo doing its thing of beating them up.  I remember early on in the treatment round 1 the Doctors saying to just let the drugs and radiation do their things as they will wage the real fight – I just need to support them by staying healthy and fit and resting when I need too.  Well trying my best to do that now.  In fact my mind is back to the old way of causing me to just drop off to sleep at random.  So if I do this when I see you  – I apologise now.

Boys up and not looking enthused about going back to school.  The Chemo is kicking in on me so decide to stay in the cell for the day as head starting to hurt again and nausea is coming on too.  Plus theres a couple of issues that are going on so I’ll stay on looking at those.  Sue & boys depart for their respective locations.  Morning whistles by – not sure if it’s the pain killers or what.  Don’t have something to eat until about 10 when I force some yogurt down. Stomach not happy about having food in it but tough luck – have to eat something to stop me fading away (a bit of humor there – as according to the hospital I have only lost 2kgs).  I know I’m obsessed about my weight but I have a shit load of clothes that I struggle to fit now and I just don’t like it!

Access to work becomes fickle and a nice day outside – 19 degrees at the moment so doors and windows open. contemplate a walk but I wish I had the energy. Ahh well can’t have everything.  Work gets going again so keep up with it.  Sue gets home about 2 so force some lunch down.  Then Jacob gets home.  Tiredness starts to kick in and going to have to give in soon to having a lay down.  Lachie and Sue get home again after visiting Hoon Hay Road.  Sit down and doze off then – not sure for how long but get woken by the boys telling me the G is here for a visit.  Have a cuppa and a natter – good to see you G.  Boys get stuck into homework, Sue cooks tea and I nurse my head as it’s hurting – again.

Have dinner then get on to finish the blog as tonight is rapidly heading the same way as last night.  Lots of pain on my left side – where the original migraines that I get Botox for are located.  As I haven’t had it topped up (should’ve been done June 28), it is now starting to wear off so I am getting double whammy headaches – 1 tumors and the other from the SUNCT headaches. Not sure which is actually worse, though for persistence the tumors are winning. 

Hope all have had an excellent Monday and all behaved well.  Take care.

Kia Kaha.