3 Too Many

Treatment Round 2 – Set 1 – Day 2 – Chemo only.

Wake just as the alarm goes off at 5:45. Head really thumping – nearly fall downstairs (might have been a good cure).  Load up pain killers – starting to hate this again – and get the myriad of drugs out ready for the day.  Not in a good place mentally again, in fact feeling wound up.  Probably cause the head is thumping away and I know that will be the way the day will pan out.  Another wasted day to sore & tired to do not a damn thing except load up on the drugs that are only buying time.  They will never fix or rid the tumors – only stop them for a certain unknown amount of time.  Wondering if, after the clarity of last week, if this punishment is worth it.  The anti-nausea drugs make you feel odd, then the Chemo ones ruin your day – kicked in early today 40 mins till start hurting & feel yuck. Next the fuzzy ones – steroids & anti seizure.  Great start to a Saturday – feeling sick, sore tired, fuzzy & grumpy.  Look out world – no happy Tony today!  You have been warned!!  The mental acceptance of being terminal is easy really, the dealing with having your daily health mucked around with constantly is the hardest bit.  You can’t really plan a day as all bets could go out the window after one dose.  Oh well – guess I’ll just suck lemons on it as it is what it is and I just have to get on with it.  I could get really deep on a couple of subjects but decide that the frame of mind I’m in, it would be just a drag or very intense, so will spare you the bordem of it.  Maybe another day.

The boys arrive downstairs about 7:30 looking like they’ve just been dragged out of the bushes outside.  They’re told to get their own brekky as the thought and sight of food is not what I want today.  Sue then comes down too and sorts brekky with Jacob’s help.  Lads then get ready for footy.  Off to Halswell as both boys there today.  Lachlan has a great game and they beat Mid Canterbury 4-1.  Jacob’s team has a fairly good game, far better half, and they win 2-0 over Cashmere.  Home then to have Bacon butties for lunch – bugger the nausea is not helping the appetite but force 2 sammies down as have to eat something.  Lay down then on the couch and promptly fall asleep for about 40 mins – hate that!!  Wake up with little energy or enuthsasim about doing anything – boys wanting to do something.  I take my arvo meds and drift back to fuzzy land.  Jacob going to stay at Bradley’s tonight so get him ready and Lachie and I going to watch the old lads game at Halswell too. Get there to catch the last 15 minutes. Good game but unfortunately they go down 2-1.  Good effort though guys.  Go up and have a coke and win another meat pack then head over to the Old Vicarage with Fish for his birthday ad Aubrey and a few others join us.  Have a good night there then head home as Lachlan tired and I’m starting to hurt a bit. 

Watch the end of the rugby and just relax watching Inception & finishing blog.  Had enough of today.  So will sign off now – M&D time maybe later – might drop the night fuzzy drugs.  Till a better frame of mind in another day, take care all and I hope you have a better Saturday than I did.

Kia Kaha.