3 Too Many

Day 17 of 28 Treatment Free.

Wake since 4:30 ish but stay put as no point getting up so doze on and off.  The usual pain is there so you know the routine.Have been thinking that I really need to snap myself out of this down moment I’m in.  Head is mentally in a fuzzy place – but OK.  Physically – well this is a gem – blob gone, but left eye very blurry, sensitive to light, not thinking really clearly.  Can only assume it is due to steroid weaning as I’m now back down to 4mg.  Wilson and random left have over the past few days been tingling but not playing up.  Today they are back – not bad but enough to make me wary about walking downstairs without taking care and holding the hand rail.  Taste buds are terrible too – everything tastes like – blah!

Into the day and slow going – boys moped over the lounge suite zoned out at the TV. I login to work to see whats going on – maybe its just the world is a little slow and fuzzy today rather than me – I wish.  Boys get a kick in the bum about 9am to get brekky and dressed.  Find out that the owners are wanting to come and show someone the house at 12:30 today rather than tomorrow as planned.  The boys are put to work – tidy rooms, Lachlan’s on bathrooms & toilets (& there’s 3 of them), Jacob vacuums until I take over to finish it off (Dad standard over boys standard). Kitchen sorted too.  House spotless.

Give Dad a call to get a ride into town to collect a couple of things that have been delivered there.  Good timing as the owner arrives just as we leave.  Scary drive with Dad as he is still a sightseer with all demo work.  Really I wish I could drive still!!  Adventurous drive home via RIccarton Road – why go that way I don’t know!!  Dad still learn the concept of lane markings I think, as we take off and just drift over into the lane with the big truck in it – thankfully we are faster so no problems. But when your head is in a messed up way and the virtual brake is just not stopping the car it makes for a freaky ride.  Make it home in one piece and keep going with work.  Have a conference call to be on – all good, then keep plodding on.  Head and left side still miss behaving – and neck getting sore now.  At least the energy levels are holding in there today. 

Lachlan has a Orthodontist appointment.  Jacob stays home with me as it is boring for him otherwise.  Take the opportunity to have a chat with Jacob about school and how he is going with everything that life has pitched at us and him, etc.  It is the first real chance/time that we have had to do this.  Well overdue, as tears are shed, no voices raised, sighs let out or huffs – just hugs and a good honest chat.  Feel so much better for it and so does he (well at least he said so).  I realise how much everyone’s world has been altered in some way through me, but trying to understand how the boys have been effected is something they need to share, not something that we as adults should try to interpret, as is often the case. So straight talking has won over and I now have a better understanding of where he is, as does Jacob having a better understanding of how I am.  Lachie and I tend to have more little chats about things as they happen rather than huffs at each other.

Dinner time – Spag Bol that I got ready last night – good Boys Brigadier (I was never a Boy Scout).  Boys through the shower early.  Quiet night planned, blog done, relax in front of the TV – Sky is not that good for you really   Then M&D and sleep.  At least in a better frame of mind emotionally anyway.  Sorry if it’s been a boring or stroppy sort of Ramble the past few days, but I’ve been all over the show with everything – and I guess as the intention of part of this blog is to just dump it as it helps.  Also in the future the boys will get to read it hopefully and understand just what the hell I was going through on that day and with this whole journey & battle.  Also a quick side note as I have been asked a couple of times – Hearing is also playing up a bit and my memory is a bit of a mess as short-term I am forgetting basic things and long-term requires more digging to get to some of the details out.  But I get there – just may take a little more time than normal.

Thank you for been there everyone.  Hope you’ve had or having a great day/arvo/evening – be safe.

Kia Kaha.