3 Too Many

Day 14 of 28 Treatment Free.

Welcome to another day.  Had a bit of a sleep in today seen as the boys aren’t here and didn’t get to bed until 2:30ish.  Though been awake several times with pain as usual.  Interesting as to what pains are getting generated and from where – the main one I’m having is the headache which hits then follows with a nauseous feeling.  Also had the teary eyed sessions going again – obviously I have something running in my mind that is causing them but it is hitting in my sleep.  I have never woken laughing funny enough.  I do have a lot of feelings, thoughts going through my head at the moment which could/would be causing the emotions.  Also I am starting to mentally prepare myself for the next round of treatment.  I know it is still 2 weeks away but as they have said that it is going to be harder on me then I think I need to take their word on it.

I think the reality of the past 4 months is hitting home more again too as I approach the next phase.  Even the past 2 weeks, while stopping treatment, has been hard.  Yes, the Docs and others said I did the treatment very well  – but it doesn’t mean that I breezed through really.  I am still fighting on not just tumors, but the health, and weight and physical side that comes with it.  And then there is also the dealing with the emotional side.  The emotion as some days are the hardest thing to deal with.  It is hard to stay out of the dark places of your mind when you are given terminal verdict.  Thinking of life when you’re not here, looking at current situations and placing yourself outside them, as it will be, thinking of future situations and wondering what it would be like to be there.  Maybe I need more steroids at the moment to calm – joking!  Also the stress of moving out of the house, etc has not helped the past couple of weeks – so all in all it has added up to a full on time.

Get up and make a cuppa tea and tidy the kitchen.  Just cruise along through the morning.  Dad comes over for a visit and chat and to drop off a couple of blankets for the boys. Sue and I then head off to out to Riccarton.  We have  brunch at Coffee Culture in Riccarton, then have a wander through the Mall.  Again another tester for me with crowds, noise & snotty nose little grunters who need to learn some bloody manners – rude ass little so and so’s.

Home then via our house to cover the gym and checkout the progress.  Lots been going on and they’ve been busy as downstairs getting the walls done and prepped.  Also pickup a couple of things they seem to have missed so send an email to the Boss about it.  Head back to the temp home then too – just having a cruisy day.  Kylie & Mark drop the lads off about 4pm and we have a coffee and chat while the boys terrorise the neighbours! Good lads! 

Have dinner and a test “little” bourbon – better than the beer last night.  Takes about 2 hours to drink – cheap date   But again no effects – it doesn’t mean I’m off the wagon or breaking rules (well I are, but if you know me then rules are the guidelines to things that ensure orderly behaviour, and as I’m at home I can be disorderly).  I have 2 weeks to enjoy myself before who knows what with the next round so I am trying to extend myself while I have time – and I have lost 2 weeks already!

Cruisy evening doing the blog and watching TV.  Getting tried too – so about to call it quits for the evening.  M&D time then sleep.  Hope all had/have a great day/arvo/evening.  The usual – keep it safe & keep it real.  There is a great saying about time I love so will end with it:-

“The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.”

So hope your presents are all wonderful today.

Kia Kaha.