3 Too Many

T Day = 41 (Chemo only in weekends) 2 Chemo to go this round.

Early start – 5am as pain getting to me – still half asleep and actually think it is 6am so rush (more a stumble/shuffle) downstairs and then realise as I’m about to down the first drugs that it is 5am!  Dumbass! Oh well pain killers instead –  and they take their sweet time to work too.  Don’t think that the boys footy will be on today as still some heavy rain showers coming over & freezing cold.  Finally get to 6am and have the first round for the day.  Yay the pain killers finally do their thing too and ease the aches – great to make it to the end of 6 weeks and crap out now – fail!!  No all going sweetly, and will do even more so once I get off these bloody steroids in the next 2 weeks.

Have a bit of time to think about things – Wow 2 days to go!! 6 weeks ago tomorrow I was about to start into the real unknown in all this, of the Radiation and Chemo treatment together.  And was concerned about the impact it was going to have on others, as it would also mean that the battle I have would become visual to people – lost hair (yes I did have a number 1 but there was still hair there), weight gain/loss (well that would have been nice to loose it), fatigue, Wilson (and his mate the random left leg), etc.  6 weeks on I have had nothing but positive from all the medical folks I have dealt with this week, don’t give a rat arse now really about people staring at my lack of hair (I can’t handle people who give pitiful looks cause they know you have Cancer), my weight is, well about to kill the scales, – but I’m allowed to gym it again – so will set a new routine for the mornings, Wilson tries to return occasionally but my right side fried brain soon reigns him back in.  And as for the attitude – take a bow all – the positive comments, attitude, energy has helped massively.  I have also had some very dark moments along the way in the 6 weeks and a couple of very deep conversations with people who have taken time to assess themselves should they be facing a similar scenario, with interesting comments from them about how they would deal with it and how I am in such a different way.   As you may gather, I don’t do things by the norm, so this is no different. There is only approx. 50 cases worldwide per year of these tumors, I scored 3 in one go (no I’m not boasting – believe me I would rather not have had 1 small one), I have in some ways got through the first round of treatment fairly easily, I haven’t really suffered any major effect from the 3 unwanted (slight paralysis on left side of face & slurred speech that’s it), so I wonder some days what the hell I’m treating really.  I am not going to lay down and be done with quickly, as I’ve said early on, I didn’t ask for them, so if they intend on been part of me then they’ll have to adjust to the way I live not be adjusted to them.  I have too much to be here for still – but by the same token I have also accepted my own mortality.  I have also accepted this is now the newly adjusted normality for my life. This is a huge thing to get over mentally as you do take time to view the world in a different way, but the best thing out of this is that I am still here and have time to say goodbye, I’m not on life support after an accident or the likes with someone having to decide to switch off a machine.  OK – enough of the deep for now – on with a happy day

7am and second to last Chemo for this round about to be taken.  About 7:30 the sucker punch feeling to the back will come on – hell I won’t miss that feeling!!  Wait for the cancellations on the radio and find out that all footy is on so brekky underway and make sure rug up warm for all.  Sue and Lachlan head to Avonhead Park for his game against FC2011 about 8:55.  Nevil, Jacob & I head to Halswell Domain for Jacob’s game an hour later.  Still showers and freezing cold but starting to look like it might improve slightly.  Lachlan team win 5-4 – good result.  Jacobs team start well – and go 2-0 up, then it turns a bit of a mare and they end up going down – 9-4 with some very dubious reffing from their coach.  Head home then wet & cold but happy that got out to see a game.  Have Pam & Karl coming over for lunch today.  Have a nice lunch and catch up then they head off.  Nevil & Rose decide to hit the road too not long afterwards as they have a bigger drive ahead of them.  Thank you for coming down and helping out and been my driver.  It is all very much appreciated.

I am drained of energy and want to head off to the Halswell Pinkies game up at Centennial Park (not far from home)  but really think I need to rest first or I’ll collapse.  Lay down in the bay window and the sun is out, so a recipe for sleeping!  Out like a light then in a couple of seconds.  Wake an hour later.  Jacob is heading to stay at a mates place and Lachie has a mate coming to stay.  It’s also about half time in the game so decide to wander off to see them.  NIce walk – but my back is in agony.  Oh well, suck it up and keep moving.  Get to the park and all tided up at 1-1.  Better game to watch compared to a couple of the past ones.  Have a good catch up with the lads.  Eventually leave about 5pm for our club rooms so hitch a ride with Fish. Have a yarn with a others at the club rooms then FIsh drops me round at Andy & Roh’s house to watch the rugby & have dinner.  Thanks man – appreciate it.

Good evening – just need to stay on top of the pain killers as back and joints are hurting a lot.  Also feeling the cold but it is freezing outside so to be expected!  Get the call that Jacob is feeling ill so Andy & Sue go to collect him. Good game of rugby by the Irish – bloody AB’s lucky to get away with it.  Nothing flattering could be written about the AB’s game tonight but they could write a lot about the Irish.  Have an awesome Fettucine – thanks Andy for dinner. Watch (well try to between dozing off) the Aussie vs Wales game.  Wake at the end when Aussie have just escaped the loss – tin bums!  Andy then drops us home.

Get the boys settled and I’m on the pain killers but they’re just not working FInally go to bed about 1:30am.  So it was a late M&D time last night – sorry.  Also sorry about the late blogging.  Hope everyone has had a wonderful Saturday and kept as warm and dry as possible.  Have agreat Sunday all.  Will post up tonight earlier – promise as I’ll be needing sleep.

Kia Kaha.