3 Too Many

T Day = 24 (Adjuvant chemoradiation) – 12 Radiation & 19 Chemo to go this round.

Sorry for the late /early posting folks – but overdid Wednesday as a whole – had a great day but there was no way I was gong to be able to blog last night and as a busy day, no chance to prepare even in advance.

Another restless – but full sleep night – the steroids decrease seems to be paying off finally.  Just need the moon face to disappear now!  Up early as usual – actually when not feeling foggy or drained it is a beautiful time of day – quiet and peaceful (bar the odd rumble of a quake booming some mornings, but in Canterbury that’s almost akin to a cow mooing in a paddock somewhere), just as long as they boom is not followed by a long shudder!  Feeling ok today though the pain is up fairly high so into pain killers first up –  start gentle then go from there.

Getting zapped at 8:50 today so Sue is going to drop me off on the way to work for it , then on to work for the 2 of us.  Got to keep up routines as it helps with coping and also with providing a sense of normality to what can be a consuming situation if you sit down and let it become that.  It’s also nice to break free of the 4 walls of home as there is only so much you can tolerate before cabin fever kicks in. You need to watch, listen to those support people who are around you – ie your family – as they also have bad sleeps, concerns, and worries, that they don’t necessarily want to impart on you . I need to remember sometimes that it is not just about me – it is about everyone –  as what is happening with me is impacting lots of people in so many different ways.  I have spoken with so many folk and the common things are that it has got people thinking about their own mortality if told they were terminal, how they would cope with a partner who is terminal, how you deal with an unknown amount of time left, what emotions should I be displaying, and why, how can I support the survivors (you folk that will live on – that is a huge one to deal with and could almost be the subject of another blog). Listen to each other, talk, and if you want to talk to me about anything then yell out – happy to waffle on a bit – good at that still.  But please don’t forget each other.

The zapping is particularly hard today as the mask is very tight now – to the point that I can bearly breathe.  They are going to see what they can do to ease the pressure across my nose as that’s the main concern (the only trouble is there is alignment marks on the nose piece which they can’t alter) – but it is so tight that I can only open my lips just – I can’t open my mouth or eyes – this is by design.  They can’t make a new mask either as the alignment will have to be redone which would take approx 2 weeks which is a delay they don’t want.  So the option is suck it up  for 12 more zapping or suck it up for 12 more zapping (and hope the moon face decreases quickly).  Anyhow manage to get through the session.  Thursday is going to be fun though as they will probably want to do the weekly CT scan which adds another 10-15 mins on the time locked in!

All done and off to work.  Have I said how great it is to be in the new building – the whole hum of it and everything – just fantastic.  Get down to some work  – have a good day – nice to feel that achieving something – though slowly as need to jog memory lots – guess there are bits missing after all.  Still sit there and have to map things out to jog the brain then fill in the blanks. Got several bits of work on the go so it is a nice distraction.  We head off to Tavern Harewood for the usual Wednesday lunch then Martijn drops me home as energy draining.  Log in and progressively keep working through the job I was on in  the morning as it is dealing with Canada I at least have some time zone advantage up my sleeve.

Mum stops off to visit and drop off Lachies present for him.  She is not well and so doesn’t stay long – it must look funny as I am staying about 5 feet away from her at all times and she is following me around – like 2 magnets opposing each other – she walks forward and I walk back   I just can’t afford to pick up and germs or lurgy!

Energy and pain levels bounce all afternoon between brilliant and diabolical! Oh and their good mate nausea pays a visit from lunch time-ish and lurks with intent in the background!  So between trying to stay functioning and managing rest breaks between pain spells while trying to not want to reach up what drugs you’ve consumed becomes a fun activity – not!  Evening goes smoothly – seem to have adjusted to the effects above and help get dinner for Lachlan’s birthday tomorrow (Thursday) sorted, as well as assemble one of his presents outside, blow up balloons, and be a general under foot hazard for Sue – I specialise in that skill

FInally call it quits before I fall over completely about 10:30 and do M&D time and bed.  Exhausted is a simple work to describe how I feel and I think I was asleep before my eye lids came together!!

Anyhow folks – simple busy day – but the steroid decrease is starting to pay benefits hugely in my general well-being and are starting to feel normalish again.

Till the morrow.

Kia Kaha.