3 Too Many

T Day = 10 (Adjuvant chemoradiation) – 22 Radiation & 32 Chemo to go this round.

Sleep – glorious sleep!! yes with a big fist pump!!! Woke once but went straight back to sleep.  6.5 – 7 hours straight and feel so bloody awesome for it!!!  Still up at 5:30am but I’ve slept and feel rested – well almost normal.

Hopefully these patterns will continue, as not sure if mentioned yesterday that the steroids are getting cut back by half a dose over the next 2 days too so see if that will help at all with sleeping – as the other side effect, beside bringing on an appetite from hell, is the brain activity amps up.  Down side – they ease the swelling on the brain from the radiation & chemo – so may get headaches and pain more – but I would/can do pain more than lack of sleep I think.  More a learning to get it balanced act really.

Right the waffling teachings of today from the right side Bros – is about taking advice even when you’re the most stubborn ass in the paddock!  I know that I have had everyone tell me to take it easy and rest when I need too, not push myself beyond what was normal – cause I now have a new lesser normal.  But what I struggle with is that I have also pushed myself to keep going – call it stubborn or determined, or share bloody mindedness – whatever, but I knew my limit and how much more I could keep going beyond it.  Well I have now learnt that I have a new limit, and each and everyday while treatment continues that limit is reducing.  I know it is reducing but the inner me doesn’t want to concede that as the mental me sees it as a way of showing to those outside me that I am not well or tied or not as strong as I was – which I don’t like.  In other words I am trying to say that I have a huge conflict with myself that I am trying to deal with but find it heard to express or verbally get across.  In fact I am finding this almost the hardest part to deal with as I have to change years of attitude and behaviour to accommodate these unwanted things! This is what is starting to get me about.  Don’t get me wrong – I have a huge amount of fight in me to go against these things, but I am learning that the way that I have to battle them is not quite the head-on – gun it out approach that I would normally take.  As the Doc said yesterday – the CHemo and Radiation are there to attack together the tumors, and the side effects are that you will tired from it – but this is good as that means they are doing their thing , and you have to help by resting when you need it as it helps the body recover, flush the bad stuff out, and repair the good stuff that gets battered along the way.  I guess a great nights sleep and the brain actually processing something of a more in-depth relevant nature – I have now come into today with a new approach to the battle – and that is a simple one – rest when I need it – anywhere – even just putting my feet up is enough.  So there is the learned lesson I now have taken on – so if you see me dozing or sitting with my feet up – I’m just recharging.

Off to the Red Zone today – new building visit again.  Get there a bit early to meet Bernard at the cordon – so have a scone and coffee at the Coffee House in Montreal Street – haven’t been here since before the quake – great to see the old girl survived.  Awesome coffee too!!!  In the new building – lots of desks, power, computer cabling getting done on all floors – it is really looking like an office building – all very exciting!!  Check out the view of from my desk – faces NorthEast but can look either side to see around all directions – fan- bloody tastic!!.  I love it!

As the Radiation robot that usually zaps me is having issues at the moment my appointment today is at 12:40 instead so Bernard drops me out by the hospital after a quick-lunch at the BoatShed.  They finally zap me about 1pm – can’t get grumpy as they are doing there best at the hospital been a machine down and all.  All done quickly and meet Sue at the door.  Home then for the arvo.  Grab a quick nap of an hour while Sue and the Boys go out school shoe shopping.  They return with school shoes – and skateboards – go figure in my day they came as separate items! Actually was the skate board around? Or was school around?  Can’t remember! Cooking Chicken Madras for tea – very yummy.

Quiet night all, up.  Speak to Jane – Sis in law – quickly.  Nice to catch up Janey.  Energy fading quickly again – so got to rest up.  M&D time now I feel, and a head for another hopefully brilliant sleep!

Have  great day/evening/sleep all.

Kia Kaha.