Thursday 10 May Ramble
May 10, 2012 — HeadlessT Day – 4 of 42 this round (26 Radiation to go 38 Chemo)
Howdy folks – one word to sum the day foggy!! In essence I’ve had about 3-4 hours sleep – but of that about really 1 1/2 – 2 hours actual sleep. The brain just would not shutdown last night at all. Actually find it interesting as Magenta was asking me about it last night when I say that it doesn’t shutdown, then I go and have a night of it. Well I’ll to try to explain – I was actually waking every time I moved, brain is processing simple everyday tasks that are normal routine as if I am living my whole next day ahead of time. DOwn to the detail of making a cup of bloody tea in the morning, after aI have got all my drugs out in their containers, and then making sure that I have checked the time so I can eat breakfast it really is that intense!! And if I think off any other things that may need to be done then it seems to become worse. So to kill time I make Wilson do some of his Brain training exercises to try to wear the mofo’s down. Getting to near 5 head thumping with a headache now – so decide it’s late enough to get up so head to make a Milo and read some of the overnight news, check emails and start on the general crap that the bloody brain has been working out for me. Talk about ground-hog day!
THe Chemo today seems to start causing kidneys to ache quicker 
Still not enough to make me buckle. Keep going with routine – have a haircut – yeah I know – buy my standards it was getting long and shabby.
Off for Radiation at 10am today – call Dad – driver for today – and he thought it was 12:30 so good catch – haha brain didn’t read that one ahead of time did ya!!! In and out in about 20 minutes today – then home via chemist to get next weeks dose of chemo – sad when they know you by name – but are really friendly and helpful folk – not glitz pushers of everything – just a simple community pharmacy. I must be tired as I struggle to speak clearly. Headache is coming back, and I need a lie down. Dad drops me home and I head for a nap. But bloody brain has other ideas stop processing please!!! Just for 30mins!! Up again about 12 feeling nausea but hungry. This is s common side effect that will get worse – great! Hazy, sleep deprived, now feeling ill – talk to my inner self and just say that this is what it will be like for a couple of weeks while the Radiation and chemo treatment setup becomes habit – all setups have rough bits, and I’m just having a day of it today – so suck it up! Sue gets home cooks a toasty for me and I force myself to eat – i have too.
Go to get boys from school as don’t want to be home alone anymore. Manage to stay awake for most of the trip but actually get more sleep than lying down at home – though brian hasn’t shut down completely yet. Get home then crawl to bed for another 90 mins – eventually get to sleep. Wake feeling so much better – thank goodness. Huge improvement.
The PortaCare team – Cath, Bernard, Jono & Alison – are bringing over Chinese from Foodsing for tea (we were meant to have an evening out last week but I couldn’t make it). It is great – lashings of food – great company, and fat chats about nothing much – gret relaxing evening – thank you so, so much guys. A great end to a rough day for me 
Well – there you have it another flattish day but I guess I’m going to have them accordingly. All in since T day started this is the worst day by far. Tomorrow I’m sure will be so much more better!
M&D time now – and bed – I need to sleep!!! Hear that brian – switch off and sleep – I can do the small things with out you planning it!!! Hope you all have/had a wonderful sleep.
Kia Kaha.
May 11, 2012 at 8:48 pm
Well, i feel tired just reading about your sleep deprived state
Very suckie side effect.
I have been reading your blog in the evening lately, but last night found myself wide awake thinking about you, Sue and the boys… now I’m not sleeping!! so thanks very much for that
Good chance to send a few more prayers your way. Your attitude in all this is amazing, it WILL keep you sane, so dig deep, ride out the flat days… you are an INSPIRATION
All our love, The Bisley Fam
May 12, 2012 at 6:37 am
Hi Amy,
Sorry that it’s keeping you up too. It has been a big week as expected but got to the end of it – yay. And feeling great at the moment.
I will start to try to post earlier to save the late nights. On the dark days you’re right i just need to remember the good times, and brighter moments of all this to ward off the shadows. Much like whe I am getting zapped – ever whirr of the machine all I’m thinking is the bro’s squirming in pain with it cause they can’t get out – but the Radiation an get in – that’ll taech them to go where they’re not welcome. It helps hugely. Thanks for the prayers – accepted for all quarters.
Have a great weekeend all.
Take care -love and hugs from us all here
May 11, 2012 at 8:21 am
Hi Tony, now in the habit of get up, read your blog then K reads it after me. You are doing soooo well and your attitude says it all and with Sue and the boys there to back you up that’s just great.
May 12, 2012 at 6:27 am
Hi Pam & Karl,
Great now I’ve got you hooked too
It is just a nice way to let a lot of what will consume you out – dear I say it to an English teacher – but juts writing it down is half the stress gone – the words in front of oyu and others conveys so little or so much sometimes, but I have also noticed that it prepares people for how I am that day – and makes it esasier for them.
The support team are just brilliant as it is probably more of a lerning curve for them as well – I’m living, eperinacein gthe internals of the treatment now – but they have to really listen to what I am sayin gi feeeling like it is doing to me, as it is bringing on chnages. We just need ot remember them and others too in all this.
See you soon.
May 10, 2012 at 10:34 pm
Nothing very inspirational to talk to you about Tony, but just to say am thinking of you all and especially all that you are experiencing. Wish there was a drug to overide the negative side effects of your treatment! Grab every little pleasure you can -sight, sound, smell, feel and taste (??)…though can tell from your blogs you are already!! Huge big southland hugs to You, Sue, Jacob and Lachie!!
May 12, 2012 at 6:19 am
Thanks Toni – this week has been a huge learning curve in what it all can do to you – the side effects sheets covers 3 pages so name it and it’s on there – but you may not get it! The biggest learning though is listening to my body for tiredness & knowing to stop then. Still think that may take a wee bit more, but are listen to others too whne they sare saying I need too – I know me actually listening someone telling me to do something – hell it is a week in history!!!
Hopoe all is good there for you this week. Have an awesome weekend. Will pass on to all the family too –
Big Cantab return ones heading South.