3 Too Many

Well how is this for starting a new day – it’s 5:45am and already about to douse you in the depths of the day! Have a busy day ahead – well for me I think anyway and as we’re at Jacob’s school production tonight I don’t want to be late posting – more tiring to manage my time better folks too.  And this is a good reason to skip the gym – ssshh – I won’t tell – this once.

As I said 5:45am  – yep another restless night but oddly don’t feel tired or physically drained. There are lots of things rattling round the head as usual – including my meds chart for next week and interlocking what I’m on now with the Chemo “diet” that had to lock in to the Radiation plan – see if only there was Cancer for dummies book to explain this – but then each treatment approach is different so imagine how big it would be.  What I’m trying to say is that 8 weeks ago Oncology was where people whom are really sick needed to go.  Now I know the area well – know about Brian cancer have heard from incredible people out there facing it – this is what I struggle with – when people say about things about life not been fair and me getting dealt this – I can actually cope with it – I haven’t lived life to the full or my maximum potential – but I’m 44 and are happy that I have got somewhere! When you have weeks old to teen kids that have spent years/lifetimes fighting against Cancer never really having a chance to be a kid without restraint is what I find the hardest thing to deal with – that’s when it is not fair – well to me anyway.  Back to what I was saying – the realisation of not knowing how Oncology support  & treatment assembles around you is quiet amazing.  The people are all so calm and settled and assuring it is hard to feel stressed.  But I am feeling stressed about this bloody drug plan as I must take this before that which has to be an hour before this treatment but half an hour before food with this one half an hour before lunch and an hour after Radiation – yep really – this is what it is like honest!   Hence why I’m playing it through in my head.  Oh and I am allowed to eat some food in there to just make sure that the pills have packing to stay down cause they can make you sick – you think!  That many drugs and you ‘could’ feel nauseous!

Anyhow – Yep – guess this is the theme of another teary start – sorry – Woke several times in tears over different things during the night. I guess it was more because as my treatment is on in the mornings and the first couple of days is about 3 other appts per day I won’t be in the office next week.  But the biggest thing that is probably getting me is that I don’t do drugs very well – and with the potency of these drugs – I probably will get slammed from the start!  BUt then as it is unknown – I really must approach it with an open positive mind, in that I will not fold into this via the treatment easily.  I will fight on as much and long as I can – the treatment is my ally and I must therefore embrace it s much as I can regardless of its disregard for my safety along the way. 

Dad is my driver today and we rush out the door with Jacob for school and work.  Stop at Cafe Raeward to grab a coffee and meet the rest of PortaCare for the usual Friday morning breakfast – ahh meeting   Very yummy as always.  Back to Logistics – and feel in a strange head space – think it is more just emotion as it could be the last time I am based at Logisitics – the move to the new building will be happening in 3 weeks. Funny how a temp setup grows homely – in a way it was a good thing for a corporate of multi levels to have the walls between departments broken down.  New friends made, common interests discovered, appreciation of jobs taken on board.  From IT we get to see a different view of the business as we touch every part of it. Hope it continues in town.

PortaCare – (just thought we’ll need a new name soon when we’re on level 5),  head into the building to check it out and setup a webcam looking at the Cathedral, etc. Sorry it is on the internal network so you can’t have a link to it.  Say sad goodbyes to Cath, Alison & Bernard in the Red Zone – as it could /will be several weeks before I see them again and they have all been so awesome in keeping me busy and watching out for me at work – my own work angel team!  Thanks Guys.  Then Jono then drops me home – and none too soon – I’m soooooo – tired and need a lay down.

Rest time – had about an hour kip.  Dinner – thanks Sarah & Rowdy – the bake was delicious  and handy to have tonight.  Then off to the St. Thomas /Villa Maria stage Production of Alladin Jacob is working on.  What a fantastically awesome show – done as a modern musical – hell some of the kids can sing and act.  Hats off to all  – such a funny toe tapping sing along night!  Very well done.  Was a couple of sad moments though as songs I have though of for funeral were sung – managed to hold it together though just (it was dark  & no one could see me – Lachie kept holding my arm to make sure I was OK – great wee wing man he is)   Incredibly shattered – mind you think I’ve only have about 12 hours real sleep in 4 days – so that could explain it.

Off to bed now as TV is rubbish, and as I’m so tired I can’t focus on the keyboard properly I’ll give up. M&D time for another day.

Kia Kaha