3 Too Many

Sorry Folks – full on day –  poor sleep night before – need sleep – Now!

Thursday update – from Wednesday below –

Well as I said earlier poor sleep philosophical night again, along with emotional, & my general I can’t stop thinking about lots of stuff sleep & a bit of humor – damn head full of c@ap & tumors! – Bugger it all.

Start with the deep stuff – keep thinking about why is it that I haven’t gone to pieces over it all?  What is keeping me so in check – I can talk about this like its yesterdays lunch? is it cause I’m not caring enough about myself or my own fate or is it that I’m not considering others in this as much as I should?  ?The pleasing thing is that I think I can answer most of this without anyone want to have me committed or needing to get ‘extra’ help’  The simple answer is belief. I have always believed everything that happens in my life to be the result of the choices I or someone else has made around the belief in me of who I am.  I believe so entrust that right to others too. In terms that I believe that I have the support of everyone I know of the surgeon that did the biopsy, the Chemo & Radiation specialists planning the best treatment they have – the belief that I know I can give this a damn good fight as I belive I am mentally strong & physically able.  So when people say to me that I’m been brave or Stoic – it is easier than that – I’m just been human & believing.

Ok – out of the deep now thanks! – on to emotions we all have them – ok enough said! -Joking- I think over tired & getting wound up about the Radiation team appointment coming up just let some of the inner feelings out – its odd waking up with water in your eyes but no reason why – unless passed drunk out in winter outside – then it is perfectly normal maybe.  Still I find it strange & fascinating.

Now a bit of humour – before the rambling of the days meetings, etc. – My old mate the random left hand – which here on in will be known as Wilson (thanks to Sue, Jo & Tony from coming over the other night).  Why Wilson – ever see Castaway – Tom Hanks movie & the Volleyball that kept him company – well my left hand has become like Wilson except that he has slightly more motive & influential powers than a volleyball  ; -)  Well it seems that Wilson has a hidden agenda to get back at me!  I grabbed the Duvet to pull up over my shoulders  with my left hand as you do subconsciously when your limbs work normally for 44 years and stupidly thought that I had hold properly of it – then Wilson attacks! One cheap shot to the forehead!  Ok not an uncommon occurence probably in houses everywhere – but for me this personal.  Well – you think I would – learn – no comments either please – yes I’m a slow learner sometimes – but if a few mins later Wilson lands blow 2 to the nose – thankfully the advantage of having a nose that has been broken 7 times means it can deflect the shot with little discomfort.  So whether this is the tumors way of getting one on me before I get their butts nuked I don’t know – but score is 2 nil to Wilson.  Revenge is coming!!!

Into the depths of the day’s business – importantly the appointment with the Radiation specialist. This guy knows his stuff.  They are going hit the whole right side of my brain with X-rays for 5 days a week for 6 weeks starting 7 May.  While giving me Chemo for the 6 weeks 7 days a week. Then a 1 month stabilisation break – then start 6 months of Chemo straight.  I will have another MRI about 3-4 months after the Radiation as it can take that long before they will see any decrease in size of tumors.They have said it is very aggressive treatment & needs to be. They will not speculate on timeframes ,etc as they said they have no accurate gauge to base it on apart from the future scans – & they don’t want to give false hope as they said at best they will be a guess!  But they said I have a lot of positives going for me – fit, willingness to fight, lots to live for, positive, etc , so the fact that they are about nuke to me to hell & back for a long time means they want me here for a long time too.  Nice when the Doctors got your back too.  An hour and a half whistled by with more answers than questions fantastic.  Best of all he allowed me to pull on my boots again, well not in a competitive way – for going for a run around on Wednesday nights.  Now you know why I was so knackered last night & no blog !  Guess where I was???

Then off to a catch up with our Nigel – IT Boss- it was great to catch up in person and be able to talk about so many  things, as there is just some talks that need to be face to face a phone call just doesn’t seem to be right – Thanks for making the time Nigel – it helped hugely esp. good timing too after the meeting with Radiation.

Anyhow that’s the quick surmise of Wednesday anyhow.  Hope everyone else had throughly enjoyable days.

Kia Kaha

Thursday coming now – Will be Shorter promise.