3 Too Many

As it’s late & I’ve just spent an hour answering comments – who knew this was such a busy job please keep them coming though as love to hear from you all.

Managed a sleep in of sorts today the philosophical thinking kicked in briefly at 2:30am so on a new twist I’ve decided to utilise the memory upgrade I have acquired & stored these mid sleep thoughts to storage in mass 3 (aka the big bugger).   Lets see if it works now as I try to recall some of it.

–  nope – no waffle today sorry – guess I’ll have to practice that a bit more!

– this does though raise one thing I’m struggling with though – I am used to dealing with injuries through visual means – a cast – stitches, a bruise or a lump.  something I can see or touch & others can see too that explains odd behaviour. With this I can’t see it I can’t touch it, I can’t press on it to make it hurt so I feel as though I’m a bit of a fraud  going to hospital & all.  That also explains why the picture of the tumors are on the front page – I then see them everytime I login & often look at them to make sure they are not someone elses.

– Yes I have had a hole drilled in my head & 8 staples to close it – but for me it is just another scar in my collection of my life. it has healed well and doesn’t really hurt now apart from when you press in a particular place I know sucker for punishment.  I have been blessed with  high pain tolerance ( played footy 2 weeks after my appendix out played with broken bones in my feet, torn ligaments & the likes – good reason my ACC file is so big) – which I guess will be tested a lot in coming weeks as (I’m allergic to strong pain killers like morphine).   But the pain is good for making it real and means I can focus on making the pain better or in this case my Brain stop growing these things.

I made mention of the book I’m reading  but there is a line in it that I can really connect with & understand as it is when Lance has just found out he has brain tumors too that I want to share – For most of my life I had operated under a simple schematic of winning or losing, but cancer was teaching me a tolerance for ambiguities.  I was coming to understand that the disease doesn’t  discriminate or listen to the odds – it will decimate a strong person with a wonderful attitude, while it somehow miraculously spares the weaker person who is resigned to failure.

I was asked today by a person whom has had cancer if I’ve been through the why me phase?  I said yes and the simple answer is why not me? If not me then who else would it be? I know I can be cold & heartless but in all logical reasoning who would I wish this upon.  This now a part of what makes me who I am.

enough deep & meaning full now.

Full on day – Church this morning – got to stay on the good side as I don’t like the heat   & like the idea of cracking a few jokes with Saint Peter at the pearly gates.  Probably heard them all anyway.

Then packed Lachie off to Invers on his first solo flight. to spend a week with the lovely Tuckey family – and have 3 days at the footy academy in Southland unto learn a few skills to bring back to the Cantabs.

Then mowed the lawn as Jacob was to Busy practicing his teenage position of laying on the couch.  I resisted the urge to feed the rogue left hand to the mower as it really has been unhelpful today.

Sprayed weeds – kept dropping the weed sprayer – thank goodness they bounce.

Put a magnet on a cupboard door to stop the quakes from evicting contents – not fun with left hand helping – try holding a screw about 30 times and randomly dropping it just when you’ve just got it in the right place!

Oh and repaired a quake pot hole in the driveway – so throughly tuckered now! 

Talking of tuckered – cooked the steak meat raffle I won yesterday for tea too
 so a busy time for me today.

Anyhow, drugs, bed calling now, as work tomorrow – got to have some routine still.

Take care out there.